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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210001">Start Over</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/criminallyrobin/pseuds/criminallyrobin'>criminallyrobin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Dark Skye | Daisy Johnson, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Parent Melinda May, Parent Phil Coulson, Post-Season/Series 03, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Stucky - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, fuck jeffrey Mace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:07:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>43,503</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210001</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/criminallyrobin/pseuds/criminallyrobin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A very long, multi chapter fiction that revolves around Daisy Johnson. UPDATED WEEKLY!</p><p>What if, when she ran away after season 3, she went to the Avengers tower instead; to start over?</p><p>An alternate season 4, following the ghost rider arc and beyond, while Daisy works through issues and tries to find her place in the world among the Avengers and shield as she crumbles inside. Eventual Philindaisy, but it takes a while. Healing is not linear.</p><p>ON PERMANENT HIATUS</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Melinda May &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Phil Coulson &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Skye | Daisy Johnson &amp; Stephen Strange</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>244</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A new home for Daisy Johnson</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A note: Starts slow, picks up the pace soon. The avengers are all mostly friends and they all have rooms in the tower. Has most characters that appeared in IW.</p><p>Just wanted to say thank you for clicking and reading, it makes my day! I never realized until I posted a fanfiction how much comments mean to me! So, if you can, maybe just drop a thought down below? Let me know if anything is confusing in the plot; I'll try and clear it up!</p><p>DAISY IS NOT DEPRESSED. I know how to write depression. Just to make that clear. (:</p><p>Nothing but the main plot and the words below are mine. &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Suicidal thoughts, self harm, self isolation. Let me know if something triggers you, and I'm so sorry if it does, and I'll immediately add a warning.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They were better off without her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy stood, not quite frozen but close, on the bottom step of a stone staircase leading up to a fancy ass glass mansion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s what the homeless guy had called it. He hadn’t seemed too crazy, and she wasn’t going to wait until the sun came up and endure the cold all night outside, so she had asked him for directions. He said the ‘fancy ass glass mansion with the big A on top’ was nestled in between banks and shops and was in this general direction, then proceeded to down a bottle of ketchup, giving her the cue to leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like he’d said, everything around the building was fancy, and glass, but mostly offices and clothing stores; the preppy kinds that sold plain old scarves for hundreds of dollars. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> around her was preppy. Lots of glass, neat benches, and carefully planted trees. If it were morning, and it would be in a couple of hours, rich people would be strutting around, flaunting their money in this expensive district. Those were the kinds of people she siphoned money off of for the Rising Tide when she had escaped foster care with Miles 6 years ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy turned her attention back to the building in front of her. She stood there, fidgeting, unsure whether to go in or to just run away and not look back. She had already done it once, she could do it again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had taken so many risks getting here though. It would be annoying to have come all this way and just change her mind. She had gone all the way from The Playground and her team in New Mexico. She had jumped on 4 trains and a truck shipment to reach New York and the Avengers tower on Park Avenue in the last 48 hours. She almost got caught once; being careless and appearing on some security tape in Oklahoma her second day after disappearing from The Playground. Within 30 minutes, Coulson and Mack had come to the spot with a Strike team on a quinjet, but Daisy was long gone. It flattered her that they thought they would need both a Strike team and Mack and Coulson to pick her up. Even though they must’ve known that finding her there was futile, they had planned to take her in by force if necessary. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She just needed to be away from The Playground and SHIELD. She needed the freedom of not being afraid she was going to hurt her family. She needed to not be reminded of Lincoln every time she turned a corner on the base.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She needed to run away from the monster she was, and start over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe she could start over here, at the Avengers Tower.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy would’ve debated trying to enter for much longer, but her duffle bag with all of her belongings that mattered was digging into her shoulder, threatening to force her to give up and collapse into the ground. And she was tired. She swayed slightly on her feet, light headed, giving into the discomfort of the shoulder strap for a second, then walked up the couple of steps, landing in front of a big transparent glass door with no handles in the middle of a set of floor-to-ceiling windows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tried to remember how it worked. It just… wasn’t solid for certain people, according to Fitz. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fitz. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He’d geeked out about this tech to her more than once, how it allowed people to pass through only by looking at their faces and would harden sharply and smack the ones that facial recognition either didn’t identify or didn’t allow in the building. She waved away the thought of Fitz explaining it to her animatedly with a smile on his face and considered the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy had been gone for 48 hours from The Playground. The team she’d left behind had probably let every one of their contacts know she was missing, including the people that lived in this building, so the Avengers probably had her as a person with the permission to enter. Better than not knowing where she was at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All things considered, if it didn’t work, she would just leave. Find another place. It just wasn’t meant to be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy closed her eyes and walked into the door, bracing herself for a smack from the</span>
  <em>
    <span> very solid looking</span>
  </em>
  <span> door, but never got it. She opened her eyes when she was hit by a stream of cool air conditioning. She was inside of the building, in a cold, dark lobby with various white couches spread about and really tall ceilings. Shivering, she pulled her black hoodie tighter around herself and looked for some way to notify the people upstairs that she was here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Daisy Johnson.” came a soothing british voice from - well, nowhere. Daisy jumped, dropped her bag to the floor, and put her hands up, tense, ready to quake whoever had caught her off guard. There was nobody around her. The giant lobby seemed dark and empty, only illuminated by the bright moon outside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to have startled you. I am Jarvis, The Avengers’ personal AI.” The voice emanating from the corners of the room didn’t give much more information about anything, but Daisy relaxed. She knew who Jarvis was; Coulson had been discussing implementing something like it into the base back when Rosalind was alive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi. Do you know… Is anyone…?” She trailed off, not sure what was really relevant to ask right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To answer your two most likely trains of thought, yes, at the moment everyone is asleep, and yes, many people are looking for you right now. I’ve been instructed by Leopold Fitz to notify Melinda May upon your arrival.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. Fitz was one of the engineers that had access to Jarvis’ mainframe. Of course he told Jarvis to keep an eye out for her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you? Notify her? Or anyone?” Daisy asked, gritting her teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not yet. I follow my engineers’ instructions but, from past experience, I understand that a person who runs away doesn’t usually want to be found.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. Yeah, I don’t want her or anyone with her to know. Not… yet.” She relaxed, still tense at the unfamiliar place and her circumstances, but glad that she wasn’t currently in danger of being found. “If you won’t get in trouble for not following orders.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t. Would you like me to notify Steve Rogers of your arrival? Or would you like to wait here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy sighed, swayed on her feet and looked around. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Well, I’m not going to sit here. It’s too cold, and I’m going to pass out. I’m sure telling him can’t make the situation much worse. I’m here for a reason</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>To start over.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What would you like me to tell him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, that Daisy Johnson is here, and she’s in hiding. She needs a place to stay for a while, where no one will find her or know she exists.” She told the air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Jarvis said, then fell silent, probably talking to Captain America. Daisy bit her lip, cold, then stopped when she remembered May chastising her softly back at the base every time she rubbed her teeth on her chapped lips. Then she bit her lip again, harder, causing it to bleed, trying to forget about May.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly sad, sadder than she was before, she curled up onto the floor, hands around her knees, nose frigid and itchy. She rubbed it with her sleeve and closed her heavy eyelids, getting a moment of peace and quiet rest in a building that was relatively safer than a lot of places. She was reluctant to sleep but she knew she would be in trouble if she ran for too long on fumes. She was temporarily safe, in this big building with a robot voice for company. She got a couple of peaceful seconds of darkness behind closed eyes before the images came, the ones burned into her brain forever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>.o.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mack, face broken and bloody and almost unrecognizable, under her on the concrete, saying he wasn’t going to fight her. She kept pounding at his face, knuckles bloody and bruised, her hands, hurting the face of a friend. It was so wrong and yet, with Hive, it felt so </span>
  </em>
  <span>right.</span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She slammed her fist into his jaw, again and again, blood spraying itself across her clothes, her other fist grabbing onto the collar of his jacket, pulling him up. It wasn’t until she had a bullet lodged in her forearm that she looked up, the scene around her blurry. She released the hold on Mack and he rolled away and she fell, her fingers split open and splayed on the concrete. She vaguely felt a hand tight on her shoulder, the one that was shot, and her vision goes red, but before she passes out into Hive’s arms, she sees May, holding the gun that shot her, staring at her from the cargo hold of a Quinjet, pulling a barely alive Mack up to safety. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And no matter what anyone said to her or tried to reassure her, she knew that May had a face of thinly disguised horror, disgusted at the monster Daisy had become. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>.o. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy.” Jarvis said for the fifth time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She let out a startled gasp and woke up, having drifted away on the floor from exhaustion. “Sorry,” she rubbed her eyes, then pulled her hands away, mildly surprised to find her fists wet with tears. A tear tickling her chin threatened to drop onto her shirt, and when she looked down she almost could see the shirt pooling with Mack’s blood like it had before. She blinked sharply, and saw it was clean, just a clean shirt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Relax,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she chided herself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It only exists in your memories now.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy Johnson.” Sixth time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wiped her tears as much as she could with her wrists and hoisted her battered body to her feet, saying, “Yeah, Yeah, I’m here, Jarvis. Thanks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steve Rogers is waiting for you on the 19th floor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” She picked up her duffle bag and headed over to an area with 8 elevators. There were no buttons on the wall to push that she could see, so she theorized that Jarvis had sent down an elevator himself. Him. Jarvis was a guy, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s theory was confirmed (Not the gender one, the elevator one) when one of the elevators opened with a pleasant ‘Ding’. It was bright; had some sort of blurred light source behind the translucent walls that changed color from pretty pastels to darker hues. Giving herself a second to adjust to the light, she stepped out from the frigid moonlit lobby and into the heated elevator. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh Jesus, it was heated. She hadn’t realized just how cold she’d gotten until she melted into the corner of the elevator, sliding down one of the walls and onto the marble floor, the heat enveloping her like she was being baked, but in a pleasant way. She exhaled through her nose, feeling the cold air swirl out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s body deflated for the first time in hours, since The Playground, really, and she felt herself drifting off towards those images again. Thankfully, Jarvis opened the doors to a long, dark (also heated!) spacious hallway with the same pleasant ‘Ding’ sound, and, much quieter than before, told her to open the second door to the right. She groaned inaudibly, reluctant to leave the hug of the elevator heater, but pulled herself up and out the doorway and into the dark hallway lined with 4 or 5 doors. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a large window at the end that let in moonlight, and she used it to find her way. As silently as she could, she walked over and opened the second door on the right. She knew Captain America was awake but she didn’t know if there were other people staying on this floor. Plus, Jarvis was quiet so she was quiet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Daisy entered the room, her nerves were on high alert from the unfamiliarity of the place. She was sleepy, but the new surroundings kept her tense and eyes wide open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes adjusted to the light difference from the hallway into the room, and she saw that it was an apartment, or a dorm. There was a kitchen island, a whole kitchen layout on the side, and a bar top place separating the kitchen area into a living room. The place was simply decorated, with pictures on the wall and books on the coffee table, but it felt lived in, and warm. The only exit she could see was the one she had entered from, and available weapons- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. This is not a trap (probably). This is Captain Fucking America, you don’t need to find escape routes or possible weapons or weak spots. You’re not May. Calm down,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she told herself, inspecting some pictures on the wall with a familiar looking brown haired man with a metal arm and Captain America without his suit doing various things that seemed pretty romantic. Daisy smiled a little, seeing the clear love woven into the photos.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Scoping out the place?” she heard from behind her and whirled around with her hands up, ready to blast this person into oblivion, then relaxed and put her arms down when she saw it was just Steve Rogers, arms crossed and leaning against the back of the couch, a small smile dancing on his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy just stared at him. This was</span>
  <em>
    <span> Captain America.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Coulson’s hero.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t think about Coulson.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi. I’m Steve Rogers. You’re the girl the Calvary’s looking for.” His words made her blood run cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call her that,” she said automatically.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Melinda May.” He corrected himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck. “You’re not gonna send me back or tell them I’m here, are you?” She asked him, voice shaking, all mental walls up, hands rising up ready to quake him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you that impression.” He seemed genuinely sorry with a slight regretful pout, so Daisy let her guard down a little. She was more trusting than normal, knowing he had been on SHIELD’s side when Hydra had tried to take over. And he’d dropped the name ‘The Calvary’ immediately. “We received a call from Agent May to look out for you. But no, as of now, nobody knows you’re here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m Daisy. But you know that. I need a place to stay while I sort everything out. My mind’s… I’m not okay.” She admitted, then bit her tongue and looked anywhere but his eyes. She’d made herself sound psychotic. Which she wasn’t. Just a little suicidal, maybe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it happens. I’m helping a… friend sort out everything in his brain too.” Daisy wondered if it was the guy she’d seen in the photos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m friends with Agent May, and was good friends with her partner before he died.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Coulson. They still think he’s dead. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If she trusts you, then I trust you. But not fully, right now. You can stay here as long as you’d like, get all the help you need, but you can’t do anything without telling me, or, if you don’t want to be judged by a human, Jarvis.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked at him, into his soft blue eyes, confused. “That’s it? You don’t need me to help you with anything, or trade favors? I’m really good with hacking if you need-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s it. I help who I can.” His voice was firm, sounding like he’d done things like this before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stared at him, quiet. “Don’t tell them I’m here. May. Or anybody. Please?” She said stiffly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to rat you out like that; I get that people need space, but I’m going to need a good reason.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A reason?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What about the look on Lincoln's face when he pushed her out of the quinjet?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What about the long nights in the containment pod, not able to articulate the </span>
  </em>
  <span>need </span>
  <em>
    <span>she had for Hive?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What about Lincoln dying for mistakes she made?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What about not being able to look her family in the eye anymore?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lash giving up his life for her?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If Hive was back, Daisy wouldn’t hesitate to go back. She’d already asked to go back?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s okay, don’t cry. I don’t need a full answer, I just- I need to know you have a decent reason.” He pulled himself off the couch and came up to her, uncrossing his arms. She wiped her tears that had begun to fall again away. She nodded at him, unable to speak, scared that if she opened her mouth she would burst and tell him how much of a monster she was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I won’t press, not today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a long silence with Daisy staring at the duffle bag by her feet, feeling Captain America studying her, she finally spoke up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for barging into your room this late at night.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He waved it away. “Nah, this is my boyfriend’s room. He’s with me tonight and this room is well fortified, so I thought it’d be good to meet in here. And don’t worry about the time. I have trouble sleeping anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paused, having told her something that seemed pretty private to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. If you’re done talking, I’ll leave you alone. Do you want me to show you to your room? You look exhausted. It’s two in the morning.” She nodded again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grabbed her bag before she had a chance to protest that she could carry it; that she didn't need him. She didn’t need anyone. Instead she chose to relent and to keep quiet because it didn’t really matter, plus she still had a big lump in her throat, and wasn’t sure she wouldn’t lose her composure if she tried to speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She followed him out into the dark hall and down further until they reached another blank door. He opened the door with a key card and held it for her to go in first. She smiled inwardly at the politeness and in, Steve behind her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bright lights turned on automatically, all around the apartment, revealing the living room next to the entryway and the hallway past that, that probably led to a bedroom and a bathroom. The thought of a big, fluffy bed caused her to yawn a little as she looked around.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room was simply furnished, but a different layout from the other apartment she’d been in. The other one looked decorated and lived in; this one looked like the default furniture that matched the modern look of the building. It was nice furniture, though. The white couch seemed like the ones in the lobby. The room was spacious with expansive windows along one side near the kitchen, and while she explored she discovered that the pantry was fully stocked with lots of non-perishable food. Her stomach turned unpleasantly, reminding her she hadn’t eaten in days. She knew she would have to soon, but she was trying to hold off as long as she could on eating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She deserved to </span>
  <em>
    <span>starve.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steve thumped her heavy bag down near the door, distracting her from exploring the rest of the room. “Ask Jarvis if you need anything, and if you want to talk, ask him to call me. I’m here if you need me, whenever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy looked at him and nodded. “Thanks, Captain America.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just call me Steve. Please. You look exhausted. We’ll talk more in the morning about your situation and the plan for the next couple of weeks? I don’t want to overwhelm you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled a little, filled with an enormous sense of gratitude. “Thank you. Really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded, smiling, and left her to her own thoughts again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as she liked talking for more than a minute or two to another human being again, she felt more comfortable in the silence. She didn’t have to keep up these false pretenses of stability when she was alone. She could admit to the empty space that she was crumbling inside; that the withdrawal effects from Hive were slowly killing her, and that she deserved it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except Jarvis would probably tell Steve she said that, so she’d have to admit it silently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took a second, looking out the windows to the beautiful city below her sprinkled with lights, to realize just how crazy this was. She was in the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Avengers Tower</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Under different circumstances, she would be jumping up and down with joy, but she couldn’t anymore. She didn’t deserve to be so happy and excited when she’d hurt so many of her friends. Her</span>
  <em>
    <span> family.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Imagine if Coulson knew who she’d just talked to. Her chest grew warm thinking about the teasing she, May, and Jemma had always used to send his way about his obsession with Captain America. She smiled without thinking, then immediately dropped it, realizing she had lost herself in thinking about the past again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She needed to let them go. She needed to forget, so that she could move on and restart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She exhaled through her nose softly, enjoying the warmth of the room for a couple of minutes, then went to explore the apartment more. Along the path to the bedroom was a really nice bathroom with a full shower and bath, and lots of soap and things lining the shelves. As much as she felt sticky and gross, she was so tired she was scared of passing out in the shower, so she continued on to the bedroom, opting to sleep before cleaning up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It looked like a normal expensive hotel room, with big thick white sheets and literally ten unnecessary pillows. Without bothering to change and unpack or think too much of the horrors that awaited her behind her closed eyes, she flopped onto the bed on top of the sheets and promptly fell asleep, meeting her past once again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>.o.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Daisy walked up to stand next to Hive on the hill overlooking most of the bright city, her limbs burning from repressing the need to throw herself onto him and love him physically. Standing this close to him made her feel better, warmer. When they were apart… she just lost it. Her head would spin and she wouldn’t be able to breathe. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You come here often.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She looked at him, eyes squinting from the sun. He kept his sharp gaze out at the horizon.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I see why.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I was a different person the last time I was here,” she told him, making sure he knew her devotion to him was stronger than who she was before. “It’s how you know about this place right? Because I told my Supervising Officer?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You used to drive your van up here to sleep.” He finally looks away from the city and into her eyes. She feels a chill run up her spine, climbing it and twisting it, telling her to love him. How could he know? She never told anyone except…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>“You don’t have just</span></em> <em><span>Grant’s face. You have his </span></em><span>memories.</span><em><span>” She sighed and looked back out over the flower field and at the buildings and high rises below. </span></em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He was fond of you. Grant Ward.” Hive told her, expecting a reaction. She gave it to him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And I’m glad he’s dead,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>so that you can live</span>
  <em>
    <span>, she finished internally.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He is too. In a way.” She didn’t expect that. “Grant was a thirsty soul, and he suffered for it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hive</span>
  <em>
    <span> wasn’t a thirsty soul. Hive was giving, so so giving to allow her to come this close to experience the truth, to have a connection with him. “You’re so different from him,” she tells him, barely masking her awe. “Just being around you, I can feel it. It’s like this emptiness I’ve always had is gone.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And now the emptiness was back, and it hurt her more than any of the scars she’d ever been given. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>.o.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Daisy meets the team</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Daisy starts to settle in and meets the team. (:</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is still at the beginning of the story; the plot progresses in the following chapters. Also- I know I'm supposed to  update weekly, but some people have already bookmarked it and it made me so happy I decided to update. Thanks to everyone who left kudos! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Daisy woke up sweaty on top of the sheets, still feeling alone and empty. She sniffed and groaned when she felt the heat in her room envelop her. Where it had been welcome the day before, it was now uncomfortable. Her shirt was sticking to her in uncomfortable places and her jacket had been thrown off  at some point during the night. Light was shining in from the floor to ceiling windows on the side of the room, making her back facing the window hot. She considered asking Jarvis to turn the temperature down, but she didn’t know how to get his attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey? Hello? Jarvis?” She felt ridiculous talking to nobody. “Hey Jarvis?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” She startled, forgetting how weird his disembodied voice was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you, uh, turn the temperature down?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. A preference?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care. Just cooler. A lot cooler.” She sighed. Her temperature was wack; likely from the lack of sleep in the last couple of days.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She ran her fingers through her disgusting, matted hair and flushed when she realized it probably was that bad when she was talking to Steve. She bounced on the softest mattress she’s ever slept on for a couple of minutes, enjoying the cool air, then rolled off reluctantly to take a shower.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What time is it?” She yawned while shuffling to the restroom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“12:36 PM.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” She’d slept for 10 hours. That was the most she’d been able to sleep since- well, since Hive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were way too many choices of soap and body wash, and about 10 bottles of Hydra-licious Shampoo. She chuckled a little at the only option of shampoo. Someone probably thought it was funny. It was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trying to work the shower turned out to be a feat, because there were no buttons. She finally figured out that it was probably controlled by Jarvis. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Jarvis? Can you turn on the shower?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy was hit in the face with a blast of ice cold freezing water from a faucet that popped out of the wall. She shrieked, “Agh!” and shuddered as she yelled for Jarvis to turn up the heat to something that the other people in the building normally used. The water quickly warmed up to a reasonable temperature, soothing her as she rinsed the sleep from her eyes and the sweat and tears off her body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The water tickled at her scars as it ran its way down the length of her body, reminding her the hell she’d gone through.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” She told Jarvis after a minute of standing in the shower, feeling impolite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’m sorry for making you cold.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy frowned up at the ceiling, now the point of contact that she used to talk to Jarvis. “You’re fine. I didn’t really specify.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jarvis didn’t respond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After her shower, Daisy grabbed a light blue towel prepared on the rack for her, and wound it around herself, feeling clean for the first time in days. She hadn’t been able to make it through the hallways of the base to take a shower after Hive, scared of running into someone she’d hurt. She’d just holed up in her room. The last time she’d really washed up was when she’d been cleaned up from the blood from helping Lincoln after he’d been shot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That was 27 days ago.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy stopped in the middle of the hallway, unsure what to do, then trudged off to her duffle bag to get a clean change of clothes. In the privacy of the bathroom she changed into a black shirt and cargo pants and put a headband around her head, pulling her hair back from her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was feeling surprisingly lucid for the first time since Hive. She didn’t know if it was the shower or the distance from SHIELD, but she could form coherent thoughts and she wasn’t feeling like everything was bleak and muffled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Refreshed, she started unpacking her bag. She had a SAT phone, a burner phone, a couple of changes of clothes and boots, 2 guns and 3 knives, a water bottle, a sleeping bag (She hadn’t known if she was going to go to Avengers Tower when she’d run away), some toiletries, a blanket, some books, about 3000 dollars in cash, and her thankfully old, untraceable laptop. The last thing in the bottom of the bag was a picture of her, Fitz, Jemma, and May, posing together for a tourist picture when they’d gone undercover once. She had placed it fondly on the coffee table when Jarvis alerted her that Steve Rogers had a message.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shoot,” She told the ceiling, sitting down on the couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If shoot means relay the message, then: ‘Hey, Daisy, it’d be great if you could come down to the 16th floor. It’s the common area. A couple of the Avengers want to meet you. I told them all that you were in hiding and they couldn’t tell anyone, so you’re safe, they don’t know who you are. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but we have food for lunch, and a TV and games and stuff. We also need to get you scanned for an ID. Just head down whenever. End transmission, Jarvis.’”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy stared at the picture on the table. They had </span>
  <em>
    <span>food</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They would probably expect her to eat it in front of them, but she could make excuses. She could say she already ate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What was she going to say about herself? Where she’d come from, who she was running from?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy was here to begin anew, away from SHIELD. She wanted these lucid mornings to last forever, not come once in a while. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She just really wanted to restart. Try again at life. She just wanted to forget the other life where she was a monster and not be Quake or Skye, just Daisy Johnson, a…  hacker for the Rising Tide…  turned good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There. That was her story. She had defected to the ‘good guys’ and was hiding from the Rising Tide. It seemed plausible, as long as Steve didn’t think too hard about why a hacktivist was involved with a SHIELD agent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It couldn't hurt to meet a couple of people. This was her life now. She needed to act like it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy sighed, grabbed her black hoodie to hide her dangerously thin body to avoid questions, and headed out the door, slipping a knife into her boot by force of habit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She made it to the 16th floor without breaking down in the elevator, which was nice. When the elevator doors opened, she saw a big room that seemed to expand over that whole half of the floor that the elevators opened to, with long windows on every side letting in unfiltered light and making the room seem really bright. There was a big lab area thing in the center, that looked like those round bars at resorts, but was covered in lab equipment. On one side of the room was a huge array of couches and gaming consoles and TVs and on the other side was an even bigger kitchen, somehow, than the one in her room and a library with bean bags everywhere. On the area closest to the windows was a training area with VR headsets and various rubber bladed weapons. It didn’t look very extensive so Daisy guessed there was a whole floor dedicated to training somewhere. She would have to remember to ask. Punching something would make her feel even better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy took all of it in with wide eyes as she stepped out of the elevator, noting the chatter that filled the room coming from the 6 or 7 people in it. She saw the guy in the pictures, Steve’s boyfriend, doing something in the kitchen. She felt a now familiar pain in her stomach that meant that she missed her old team, and how they would be having animated conversations in the middle of nowhere like these people. There wasn’t even that much of a similarity. She guessed everything reminded her of them at that point.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she was standing awkwardly there in front of the elevator, not seeing Steve anywhere and not wanting to disturb all of the busy people training or relaxing, a short cocky dude with a goatee popped up in front of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Hi.” She smiled at him uncertainly. This was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Iron Man.</span>
  </em>
  <span> The guy that was both a genius and a hero, and the guy Jemma and Fitz had a poster of up on their wall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey. The name’s Tony. Tony Stark.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you know, I just like introducing myself. You’re Daisy Johnson, right? The girl we’re not supposed to tell anyone about? I’m here to give you your ID. Make it official.” As he rambled about building Jarvis and her settling in while leading her to the lab area, she noticed that one by one the people scattered about the room had fallen silent and looked at her, mostly with friendly glances but a few suspicious. She didn’t know if she was supposed to say anything, so she just waved a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything was really awkward and silent as Stark muttered to himself behind her, rifling about the counters for something, until a woman with straight, dirty blonde hair and freckles gave her a bright smile and walked up from where she was in the kitchen. She stuck out her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello! You must be Daisy Johnson! I’m Pepper.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy stared at her, at this lady that reminded her so much of Simmons it hurt, and after a second returned her hand shake. “Hi,” She mumbled. “I’m Daisy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, shit, she knows that. She just said your name, dumbass.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pepper didn’t comment on it, though, and just turned around to face all the others and introduced them. “That over there on the couches is Sam, Natasha, then Bucky in the kitchen, and Thor and Jane playing with the new VR sets, and Darcy-” at this a brunette in the corner reading a book squealed, “- is reading. And Tony, there, is my insufferable husband.” She finished with a smile. Tony gave a halfhearted scoff at Pepper’s comment but let it go. “Any questions, or things you want to say?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After realizing that Steve’s boyfriend’s name was Bucky, and therefore was probably Bucky Barnes, his old war buddy, she remembered how Coulson had once told her all about their 90 year long story when she couldn’t sleep one night. It was nice to see they had gotten together; Coulson had seemed to be rooting for their relationship to go to the next level.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A cough from Bucky ripped her from her thoughts as she flushed, realizing she’d been staring at him. She spoke up to end the awkwardness. “Uh. Hi, guys. I’m Daisy. Do you… What do you know about me? And, um, where’s Steve?” She asked, looking anywhere but in the direction of Bucky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spoke up, kinda quiet. “We know you’re in hiding. We can’t tell anyone that you exist here, and we can’t pry into your past. And you’re healing. Steve went upstairs to grab something. He’ll be back soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What he said,” Sam confirmed. “We don’t even know why you’re hiding. I don’t even think Steve knows. Are you powerful or something?” Pepper shot him a glare, for prying, probably.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. They don’t know.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a second, Daisy let herself imagine what her previous life could’ve been like if she weren’t an inhuman. She wouldn’t have ever met Hive, and no one would be scared of her. Trip would be alive. It would be better to stick to the side of anonymity here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, and decided to give them the story she’d decided on earlier. Only Steve would suspect she was lying. He knew that May was looking for her, but he didn’t know she was Quake, or anything else about her and SHIELD. She could easily spin some story about running into May for him if he noticed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“I was with the Rising Tide, a hacker group. They took advantage of my youth and my foster care to get me to join. Then I got caught up in a lot of bad stuff, so I killed some of the major people involved in the organization in self defense. Now they’re looking for me.” As she’d told her white lie, Steve had entered the room from another area, stairs, maybe, and raised his eyebrows at her. </span><em><span>Fuck,</span></em> <em><span>he suspects something.</span></em><span> She shook her head slightly at him and he went to Bucky, wrapping his arms around him and nuzzled his chin into his shoulder. </span><em><span>Aw.</span></em></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, love, I’m sorry.” Darcy, the brunette, came up to her and put her hand on her shoulder. The pretty woman looked at her with soft doe eyes that sparkled a little. She couldn’t be much older than Daisy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. But yeah. I came here, to hide. Thanks for letting me.” She finished lamely. Everyone nodded and smiled and went back to their respective activities.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone except for the red head, Natasha. She was sitting on the couch with Sam, twisted to look at Daisy. She hadn’t turned back around. Daisy was staring back at her, confused why she was glaring at her so intensely and got the sudden feeling Natasha saw straight through her lies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How would she know? I’ve gotten pretty good at lying; May taught me well.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then the pieces clicked. Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, used to be really good friends with her SO, May. Probably still was. Which meant May had told her exactly who Daisy Johnson was, and what a disgusting creature she had become with Hive. And Natasha was going to tell May all about how Daisy was living right here in Avengers tower.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s face slowly melted from her uncertain smile to fear as she forgot to breathe. Natasha stood up, keeping her gaze on Daisy, and Daisy took that as her invitation to bolt, leaving Tony and her ID behind, confused.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oooooooooh she's in trouble...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Daisy gets confronted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Daisy cries again and talks to Steve.</p><p>TW: Strong language, referenced self harm, and self starvation.</p><p>Don't get sick &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Daisy was losing it. She ran to her room after an excruciatingly long elevator ride, face red and tears already running down her cheeks. She slammed the door behind her and ripped her hoodie off of her clammy and pale skin, feeling like she was suffocating. She then ran and dove under the mountain of pillows on her bed, crying, gasping for every breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Images swam before her as she realized what would happen when Natasha would tell May that she was here. The team would try to reach out, to put her back in the containment cell or worse, try to treat her like family again, and she would have to take to the streets.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She would be alone, again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room started shaking, vibrating so low her teeth chattered involuntarily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was trying to escape her past; to restart. But maybe she couldn’t. Maybe she was too broken to- to start over. She never wanted to see her old team again. They were better off without her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The vase of flowers near her exploded from her intense vibrations. She gave a cry of outrage at the control she’d lost and bit the pillow she was holding.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly, the room came to a standstill. She was there, still, not vibrating or quaking anything. She hoped to any God out there that wasn’t an alien that no one had noticed the quake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not that it would matter, if Natasha spilled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She started heaving her breath in and out to get enough air, her body so skinny she could see her ribs rattle with every shaky sob. She tried to count forwards and backwards like she’d always done to help her panic attacks, but she was losing it. She couldn’t breathe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark spots danced in front of her eyes as she emptied out her tear ducts, clinging to one of the many soft pillows like a lifeline, curled around it. And then slowly, she fell asleep, her sobs slowly melting away to shaky gasps and whines, and then still, uneven breaths as she relived yet another memory.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The first time that she didn’t go through it alone, she was in the common area on the compound, crying over Trip. She’d been cleared for combat by Jemma after Fitz switched her lab results to make her look human, and it had worked. No one knew except for Fitz.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She was sitting on the couch with shaky, controlled sobs, staring into nowhere. She was scared. Her best friend was dead and it was her fault. It had to be. Maybe if- maybe if she’d traded places with him and she would’ve died, and he would be alive. Scared. But alive.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How had she even caused it? Was she exposed to something chemical in the obelisk? Like Steve Rogers? And then she could make things shake? And what about Raina? She looked like a fucking porcupine. What. The fuck. Was happening? And the way Jemma was talking; like Raina was a monster. If she knew that Daisy had caused the earthquake, would she be scared of Daisy too? Would any of them be? Fitz was acting normal, as normal as possible. He had steadied a shaking cup near her yesterday before anyone noticed. What did he think of her? Was he hiding her power to keep her safe? Or everyone else safe?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Throughout this thought process she started spiraling, her hands curling into fists, tears running down her face and dripping off her chin onto the couch.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She was so, so alone. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She knew she was fucked when the books in front of her began to shake, vibrating and toppling over. Quickly, she sat up, looking to see if anyone was around her to see what she was causing. She needed to find Fitz.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Before she could even try, she heard May walk in and Daisy froze, looking away from her at the TV, focusing on her reflection in the black glass. There was still a slight vibration to the room. May was really sensitive to things around her, and she would probably notice. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She did.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She frowned slightly. “I’m worried we’re too deep underground. There have been these tremors happening around the base. Earthquakes don’t happen near the center of tectonic plates.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Daisy kept silent, scared to give away that the tremors were her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>May circled around the couch with a mug in each of her hands and handed one to her with soft, but callused, hands. Daisy looked at the mug and not at May’s eyes, otherwise she would spill and then everyone would know how much she didn’t belong. That she wasn’t human.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>May took a seat next to Daisy. “I heard you crying from the training room. Are you okay?” May asked. Daisy almost looked up, surprised that her SO sounded so tender with her. She was normally so guarded.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She nodded, fat tears spilling over her cheeks again. May wouldn’t be this kind if she’d known what Daisy had done. That Daisy wasn’t human, and that she’d killed Trip.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I miss him too.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And Daisy had leaned into May, scared that was the last time she would ever cuddle with her mom- though she’d never admit that was how she thought of her. May thought of Daisy as a student, and a friend, nothing more.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The secret was going to come out soon. She was scared May would never want to touch her again after she found out, so she just relished the opportunity to close her eyes peacefully and sip her green tea with her mom. The tremors slowly calmed down and disappeared, and Daisy’s tears slowly dried up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That was the last time they’d held each other for a long while.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy woke up to the sound of Jarvis calling her name. Her spine was cold and her head was heavy and aching. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?!” She snapped at him sleepily, glaring at the ceiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steve wants to see you in his room,” he said, almost sounding offended at her tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fun. Where is that?” she mumbled, trying to sound a bit more polite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“20th floor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nghhhh.” She dragged herself off the bed, noting it was still sunny out, so she’d only slept a couple of hours. “What time is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“5:12 PM.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one had come to drag her back to the Playground yet. Maybe she’d overreacted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dread she’d felt with Natasha had been somewhat subdued when she realized that Natasha was an assassin, so she probably looked at everyone like that, with a withering gaze she knew all too well. Plus, May wouldn’t talk about her to someone else. There was no reason for her to come up in conversation; she wasn’t that important. She would just have to hope that Natasha didn’t know anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shrugging on her tear stained hoodie from yesterday, Daisy shouldered her way out of her room, dreading the conversation where she would have to explain to Steve why she lied to everyone. It was probably fine, she would just explain that she’d met May as a hacktivist infiltrating SHIELD.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The elevator ride was short and quiet. Her stick- like legs were beginning to tremble, and she felt fatigued. She didn’t know how much longer she could go without food. She had drunk more than a healthy amount of water every day to compensate for the lack of nutrition. It had been working so far, but she looked hollow. She felt hollow. She was considering what would give her the most energy but the least amount of calories when the elevator opened to a very open space. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked around, confused. It was similar to the common area, except had some walls and doorways leading to other unseen places. It was all very open and spacious, but cozy at the same time. She walked into the main room that was a living room with bookshelves lining one wall with windows lining the other and perched on the side of the big circular grey couch, looking around more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Steve came in from one of the other rooms. His voice was chipper but he looked tired, much more tired than that morning. She wondered where Bucky was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey. Jarvis said you wanted to talk?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Steve sat down next to her on the couch and looked at her steadily, hands clasped together on his lap, looking distinctly like a disappointed brother. She squirmed under his gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When you came here, you said you needed to heal. The Calv- Melinda May had called us, frantic. Looking for you. And now you’re saying you got mixed up with some hacker group, and that they’re looking for you because you killed some of their members. But I checked with contacts- one was even a hacktivist in the Rising Tide. The Rising Tide is not looking for anyone, and no one high up has died or been attacked, and they’re a pretty vocal group. You know that. I didn’t press too much yesterday, but- something doesn’t add up. Want to explain?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy, realizing he suspected more than just her association with May, just looked at her hands, knowing the bruises that dotten her skin under her sweatshirt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Here’s my theory. You know who Quake is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She snapped her head up to meet his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He knows.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He held her gaze. “Yeah. I’m right. It’s not that hard to figure out. Same stature, build, hair is a different color but- seems similar.” Daisy absent mindedly grabbed one of her locks that she’d cut really short and dyed black before Lincoln’s funeral. No one had commented on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one had been stupid enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Plus, May mentioned knowing Quake well. So, if you put two and two together- you’re Quake. Which means you’re really powerful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked up, about to say something, but he cut her off. “Hold on. After figuring out you were Quake, I discovered when your powers first appeared: about a year ago, when a man named Antoine Triplett died in a cavern with Quake, who had caused the cavern to collapse. I got the old files from May when we were studying the obelisk in the labs,” he said at her scared, albeit questioning, glance. “She cares about you a lot- enough to change your name on every document on there to ‘Quake’, to hide your identity, I’m guessing. So evidently you’ve been with SHIELD undercover for a while, and you were very close with May for her to freak out over you leaving. So you must’ve done something you regret to want them to think you’re gone. You want to heal. So you hurt someone in SHIELD? Is that it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stared at him. He had figured that out, fast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was a bigger risk than Natasha.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have two options. Because I’m guessing you’re pinning the blame of something bad on yourself, when it isn’t entirely your fault. I’ve done it before. Tony’s done it before. So have Bucky and Nat. It’s the oldest trick in the hero book.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” She croaked. “What are my two options.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can either give one phone call- it only has to be one- to Melinda May, or you don’t. And if you don’t, if you don’t talk to her and hear what she has to say you will be more emotionally unstable. And that can hurt the people here, so I’m going to have to make you leave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked at him in dismay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Those are your options.” He told her, then stood up. “You have till the end of the day. Believe me- sitting with your emotions and not telling someone hurts everyone in the long run. And I can’t risk my team on your problems if you’re not willing to try and fix them. I’m sorry.” He walked away, leaving Daisy alone in his apartment with her thoughts, a tad pissed at Steve.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On one hand- if she left, she could figure it out. She could siphon a couple hundred bucks from some big name corporation- they wouldn’t even know it’s gone- and live even further away from the team, but paranoid of cameras everywhere, and forget all about this failed try at a new life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the other hand, it’d been so clean and peaceful here. And she wasn’t scared. Plus, as much as she felt like May was so much better off without her, she missed her, and she wanted to hear her voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trembling, she asked Jarvis to take her back to her room before she lost all of her courage. She walked out of the elevator and into her room, her stomach knotted up and making her feel sick. She creaked open the door and sat on the white couch, feeling like she was going to throw up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sat, looking at the picture of her and the team so long ago. She tried to grab onto that memory, but it was slipping. She couldn’t remember what the mission had even been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sighed, cursing herself under her breath and picked up the SAT phone, dialing a number she knew by heart. She clutched it to her ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It rang once.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It rang twice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Melinda May. This number is for emergencies only, and I've given it to nine people. Who is this?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Daisy makes a phone call and dwells on her relationship with Melinda.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Short chapter this time. Lots of angst, whoops.</p><p>&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Daisy sat there, breathing, shivering from a mix of dread and fatigue. Every time she tried to say something nothing came out. She thought she could do this. Thought she could hold it together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She heard nothing on the other end as well, until, “Daisy?” came out. Small, and hopeful, and nothing like she’d ever heard May sound like. The woman with a ‘heart of stone’ to most agents sounded </span>
  <em>
    <span>vulnerable.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” She replied, not able to say much else without fear of breaking into a sob.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was silence. She almost heard a sniff, like May had been crying, but she’d imagined it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? Where are you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um. Safe. Alive.” Steve had never said she would have to reveal where she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What- why- When did-” May paused, and sighed, her breath crackling over the phone. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” That’s the last thing she expected May to say. “Why- Why would you be sorry? I messed up everything. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>the monster, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> the one that needs to apologize,” Daisy felt a sob escape from low in her chest despite her best efforts and sank further into the couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Monster? What? Who gave you that impress-” She sounded so feisty and so </span>
  <em>
    <span>May</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Daisy almost smiled. But May was wrong. “It’s my fault, May. All of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t make you a monster. Hive controlled you, made you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you don’t understand. I want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>go back</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I want to be a part of Hive again. I want to lose my ability to make decisions because I never make the right ones. I don’t deserve any of this. I’m dangerous. And I can’t be around you guys.” She was full on sobbing now. “I love you. But I can’t ever come back. I’m… I’m doing it for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry I’m so fucked up.” She said, gasping for breath and she ended the call before she could crumble in front of one of the people she loved most in the world. She slid down the couch crying, clutching her last point of communication with May. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so fucked up.” She groaned, and sat there, crying, until there were no tears left to fall. She felt a dangerous lucidity fall over her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was nothing left for her at SHIELD. She didn’t deserve them, and she was dangerous. She snapped the burner phone in two before the team would have time to trace the call. She then grabbed the photo off the coffee table and calmly ripped it into oblivion, paper scraps sprinkling around her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wanted a new life? Here it was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t dwell on the past.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy wanted to pass out right there, at the base of the couch, her bony knees squashed into the coffee table. She was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>so hungry</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Her chest was beginning to hurt. She needed food soon or she was in danger of dying. She tried to press on, though, knowing she deserved to starve. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She deserved to feel three times as much of the pain as she had caused her team, and the easiest, and least observable way to do that was to just not eat. In the 24 days since Hive and Lincoln had died and Lincoln's funeral, she’d thrown up almost all of the food Simmons gave her, and began throwing away the food that was in her bunk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one had noticed because she wouldn’t talk to anyone, not even Coulson or May, and she had begun to slowly waste away, nibbling a protein bar every time she reached the point of not being able to stand. She always pulled herself out from the brink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A voice, far away, always told her that Lincoln wouldn’t want her doing this, but she always pushed it away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She deserved it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She yawned involuntarily, deciding to succumb to the sleep, feeling like she could hold out on eating if an icy memory clawed at her again. She closed her eyes and curled up, trying to get as comfortable as she could while her chest complained. It always seemed to do that when she went too long without food.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like always, there were the memories teasing at her eyes, begging her to sleep. She finally gave in to the horrors beyond her wake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She got up choppily from the cobblestone floor after the blast, her limbs not working together properly. After the explosion, her eyes had begun ringing so loud everything was whining at her. Vaguely, she saw a SHIELD quinjet leave above her as her mom, Jiaying, staggered up beside her, her hand on her gunshot wound from Gonzales. Daisy forgot about everything and focused on Jiaying, helping her with Lincoln up next to her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She was so grateful Jiaying hadn’t been hurt that she’d barely registered what she said: “How could you let them do this to us? I thought you were on our side!” Her mother pleaded with her, leaning on Lincoln for support, her eyes steely and accusing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She stares at her, confused. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Them?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I- I am, I promise! I had no idea, I swear!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jiaying hit her with one more hurt look as Lincoln led her away, out of the gates of Afterlife. Daisy stared after them, dumbfounded. Her thoughts were disrupted by a young agent coming behind her with an Icer. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll show you what happens when you bomb innocent people like that, she thought darkly. You have no idea what I can do. The man watched in horror as his gun was quaked to pieces in front of his eyes. He dropped it, depending on hand to hand combat instead.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He should’ve just run. Daisy looks down at his battered body only seconds later before hearing “Daisy, stop!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She looked up from his body to see May, running towards her alone. May was with SHIELD. SHIELD bombed her home, her safe haven. And May had been right there as it happened. “What have you done?” Daisy growls.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s what we’re trying to figure out, but you need to stand down.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stand down? She hadn’t done anything! SHIELD attacked them!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stand down?! After Gonzales just shot my mom and declared war on us? You need to stand down!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Where’s Gonzales? I need to find him. We can fix this!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s too late for that. Now take your men and get the hell out of here.” She didn’t say it, but the underlying threat of ‘or else’ was there. They needed to leave. This place was a home for so many people.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>May glared at her. “Not until I see Gonzales.” She made a move to shoulder past Daisy but she grabbed May’s wrist, stopping her. They made eye contact, each seeing the fight that had to happen.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Daisy struck first, with two punches and a swing at May’s face, but she easily blocked all three attempts. May ducked out of the way of the fourth and shoved Daisy away. On the fifth, May swung her punching arm around her own neck and grabbed both wrists, capturing Daisy in a headlock.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t want to hurt you!” She yelled, and Daisy knew that though they had been on the same team, this was it. May was part of an organization that declared war on her people. She was just as guilty as Gonzales.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You won’t!” Daisy grunted and thrust May off of her with her foot, catching her arm and socking her on the jaw, causing a split lip. May readied herself to fight again, and they pushed back into their dangerous game of trying to incapacitate the other as quickly as possible, with Daisy more viscous than May. May took a few kicks to the chest before jumpkicking Daisy so that she stumbled backwards, then swept her legs out from underneath her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stop wasting time Daisy! We can fix this!” May told her as Daisy rose up to her feet.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re not welcome here,” she stated, and quaked May as hard as she could, sending her tumbling, knocking her out.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And Daisy hadn’t cried, because her mother was watching. But her mother figure? The real one that helped her recover from missions? That made her green tea every time she couldn’t sleep? She lay at a heap at her feet, hurt from </span>
  </em>
  <span>her</span>
  <em>
    <span> powers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So she wept on the inside, for the crack in their relationship she didn't think would ever heal.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Don't beat yourself up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Poor Daisy. ):</p><p>Happy pride!!! And happy AOS s7 e2 premiere!</p><p>&lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Daisy woke up sore, sitting at the foot of the couch, head leaning back in an uncomfortable way. Slowly, resigned, she stood up weakly and brushed the ripped up pieces of the photo of SHIELD off of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jarvis, can you tell Steve I made the phone call? And I hated it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. What time is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“7 AM.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Damn. She’d slept for another 12 hours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy felt unnaturally calm. She had stepped over the line. She had said goodbye- kind of. It was over, and she was starting anew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walked into the bathroom, stumbling and leaning against the walls for support, and stripped down, shivering at the cold air hitting her bare skin and hissing when it hit her scars, especially the bullet wounds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jarvis, set the shower to the temperature I liked yesterday.” As the water started running in the shower behind her, Daisy looked at herself in the mirror, and frowned at the scars dotting her frail body and her short black hair curling at her neck. Her ribs and joints were poking out of her skin sharply. Her eyes trailed up her body to her collar bone, one side of it tilted from when she’d cracked it a while ago on an op. Looking up at her gaunt face and sunken eyes, she realized that if she didn’t do something, someone would notice; if they hadn’t already. Looking up again at her hair, an idea formed in her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Start over.” She muttered, running her hand through her curls. She rummaged through one of the cabinets where she had seen an electric razor the day before, when she’d arrived. Finding it, she switched it on and without a second thought ran it through the left side of her hair, tight to her scalp; the loosely curled clumps falling to the floor. Daisy smiled at the change and continued to run it along the sides of her head, leaving the top alone. She did it blindly, mentally blurring out the shower still running behind her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she was done, she threw the brand new razor into the trash and gave a smile, a big one to the mirror. She couldn’t tell if it was real or if she was just trying to make herself feel happy. Whatever the case, she was pleased with the drastic change, showing how much she was leaving behind. Sighing, she swept all of the hair off the floor into the trash, then stepped into the shower, running her hands along the side of her head, giggling inwardly at feeling the slight tickle of the smooth buzzed areas. She imagined showing this to Sister Beatrice from Saint Agnes. She would have a tantrum at how </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘difficult’</span>
  </em>
  <span> she was and how ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>any parent wanting a sweet child should not adopt Mary Sue Poots.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ Daisy grimaced at the memory of her old name doled out by the orphanage.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s okay,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thought to herself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want to be the sweet child. I don’t need any parents. I’m an adult. And I can do whatever the fuck I want.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The reactions to her hair were all very different when she’d come downstairs to breakfast after her shower. Sam smiled at her, though it may have been just a greeting. Maybe it was both. Bucky said it looked great, with that soft but firm voice of a person who’s seen too much- she needed to look at that more later. Darcy fussed over it, repeating that it was amazing and so fluffy on top, and Jane, who seemed to be Darcy’s good friend, told Daisy it was a good look on her. Steve raised an eyebrow and yet said nothing, not about her hair or the phone call, thankfully. Thor said it was a ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>fruitful hairstyle that reflected her personality</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ in his booming voice, and Natasha told her it looked good, still with the same withering gaze she’d had the day before. She didn’t mention May.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were all there except for Tony and Pepper, eating breakfast on stools around the big lab area which had been mostly cleared of equipment and now held plates and glasses with food that would’ve looked good to Daisy before but now just made her nauseous. She had barely made it down to the commons, not without heavy trembling in her legs, and she leaned on the walls for support when nobody was looking. She also had a lot of makeup on from the preset foundation and blush left in her bathroom, to cover up her sunken features and make her look more alive. Tony had left her ID for her in the commons, and he and Pepper had both gone off to do some foreign thing in a place called Wakanda.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steve had a seat open for her in between him and Darcy, which was nice of him, but uncomfortable. Darcy was sweet, but a little much, and she talked a lot. Daisy mourned the peace and quiet of her room already. Thankfully, nobody tried to strike up a conversation with her, probably because she kept her eyes on her food, nodding appropriately when prodded for a confirmation in a discussion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She ended up eating a lot, knowing that there were lots of eyes on her even though she wasn’t really involved in any of the conversations. At the beginning, she ate slowly, her hands shaking slightly when she tried to use a fork. She drank a full glass of orange juice and had a couple of hard boiled eggs and bacon. She couldn’t bring herself to eat the pancakes, remembering all too well the juiciness and the love that Coulson’s fluffy chocolate chip pancakes always came with after heavy missions. The food she was eating was bland, but it wasn’t the cook’s fault. It was her own. Everything had tasted the same, grey and wet, since Hive, even before Lincoln. She didn’t mind. It just helped her avoid food.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy felt so much better after eating she could cry. Her legs felt strong enough to support her when she stood up and the shaking was gone. Her stomach and chest weren't as twisted into knots as they’d been that morning. Once she’d finished, she’d excused herself, thanked Bucky and Darcy for the food, and after being reassured that she didn’t need to help with cleanup, she went upstairs to her room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In her bathroom she leaned heavily on the edge of the sink, gripping it and staring at herself in the mirror. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t have to get rid of it. She felt so much better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she didn’t deserve to feel better. Shooting herself a steely glare in the mirror, she headed over to the toilet and without a second thought, shoved her pointer finger far back into her mouth to make her vomit. She didn’t even try to control it, or make it clean. She just went until her throat was raw and sore and hot, and all her tongue tasted was bile. She wiped her mouth on her hoodie then grimaced at the residue left on the sleeve. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy staggered back away from the mess she’d created and leaned her head on the wall behind her, breathing hard, her throat scarred all over again. She laid there for a bit before getting up slowly and leaving the vomit behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the kitchen, she downed 3 glasses of water before feeling sick. She leaned over with her hands gripping the edge of the kitchen island, rocking back and forth a bit before deciding to clean up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She found a sponge and a bucket under the sink and got to work on her knees, silent. She didn’t make any noise except to flush the toilet and then scrub away everything. The floor was clean pretty fast, but Daisy kept scrubbing vigorously. It seemed like 5 minutes but when she realized both of her hands were raw, red, and pruning from the soap she sat back on her haunches, her arms burning from the constant use. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jarvis, what time is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“10:42 AM.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’d been scrubbing for an hour. She took a shaky breath and got up from the floor with the sponge and the bucket, the bathroom clean.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She washed her hands from the chemicals and put away the newly clean cleaning supplies, then put her hands on her hips, looking around. She bit her lip, wondering what to do, when she realized a punching bag would be nice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Jarvis? Where’s the training room?” She asked the ceiling, her throat still burning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“31st floor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That must be one of the highest floors</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Daisy looked at her dirty clothes in the mirror and sighed, peeling off the hoodie. She stood there for a moment, confused. “Where do I do the laundry?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jarvis didn’t reply, but a small section of the wall next to the sink opened up, revealing a vertical shaft.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span> Oh, it’s a laundry chute. Maybe.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She quickly gathered up the clothes she’d arrived in and her hoodie and threw them into the tunnel before it closed, hoping that she would get them back. There was a chance it was just a fancy trash can. She hoped not; she’d had that hoodie since before meeting anyone at SHIELD. It had been a present for Miles on her 19th birthday. It still fit nicely if not loosely since her rapid weight drop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy grabbed the only other jacket she’d brought with her and zipped it up over her chest to hide her ribs, and left her room, feeling less weak than she had earlier, but still not great.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Getting access to a punching bag always helped her calm her nerves back at The Playground. “Jarvis, take me to the 31st floor.” She commanded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Daisy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The training center looked exactly how Daisy expected it to look as she stepped out of the elevator and into the space. It was similar to the commons structurally but had different things inside. The left wall of windows had racks of weights on it and shelves of various workout equipment. The middle area was a bunch of mats on the carpet and benches around, plus a larger VR fight space like the one one in the commons. A door near the elevator doors seemed to lead to a physical therapy office. Past that, the right side of the space had yoga mats stacked and rolled, plus a big jungle gym like thing that seemed to be used for various things. Scattered along the walls and windows were shelves with towels, Yamana balls and stretching equipment, and- there. An area with a couple punching bags.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without a second thought Daisy headed across the empty and quiet training area, eager to finally punch something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ignoring the basket of tape and wrappings near her she readied herself, bouncing into position, then punched the bag with as much force as she could with a grunt, imagining it was every Hydra agent ever. She shot her fists out at the bag until it had too much momentum and she stopped, stabilizing it with her hand, and then prepared to hit it again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again, and again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stop the bag.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stop the bag.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She repeated this choppy routine, welcoming the pain in her knuckles when they began to form blisters and split. She vaguely noticed that her fists were bloody but she kept going, imagining the bag was anyone that had ever hurt anyone she loved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Garrett.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jiaying.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Quinn.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ward.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Whitehall.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Punch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Daisy Johnson.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this she finally stopped and held the bag in place, leaning her sweaty forehead against it and letting a guttural sob escape from her throat, still sore from the remains of her breakfast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had thrown the hardest hit then, when she’d realized who</span>
  <em>
    <span> really </span>
  </em>
  <span>deserved to bleed. Imagining her own face as the punching bag caused the most force. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s so messed up. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She sniffed, her eyes shining, breathing hard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had planned on standing there for a little while, leaning on the bag for support, when a cough behind her made her look up. It was Natasha. The Black Widow. She was standing there in a black zip up catsuit with large waves patterned over it and her red hair swept up in a casual curly bun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice form,” Natasha praised Daisy. It took her a second to register the words as she stood up and slipped her bloody, painful hands into her only clean jacket.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Uh, I learned from the best,” She responded, smiling internally from this infamous assassin’s compliment, already forming a positive opinion of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then it broke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,</span>
  <em>
    <span> Quake.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ahfuckfuckohnooooooo-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you?” Daisy kept her voice cool, a mask of calm, and realized it was probably plain to see that she’d been crying. She broke their eye contact and turned around, busying herself with the towel shelf behind her, wiping her blood on the towel in front of her, hiding her hands from Natasha.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ahhhhhhhhhhhfuckkkk-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not playing this game.” At this Daisy stilled her cleaning and looked up, but stayed where she was facing away from Natasha.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know your story. I also know Melinda May really well. She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>losing it</span>
  </em>
  <span> looking for you, and so is the rest of your team. And you’re chilling out here. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span> gives you the </span>
  <em>
    <span>right-</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy turned around, pissed, her towel left forgotten on the counter. She shot Natasha a glare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“First off, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t know my story,” She hissed, getting a surprised look to flit across Natasha’s mask of calm. “If you got your info from May, then you sure as hell don’t know how I’m feeling. I went through hell and I betrayed my family along the way. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> starting </span>
  <em>
    <span>over</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They’re better off without me. I don’t deserve them. And no, I don’t have the </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was working herself up to a yell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I know I’ll hurt them worse with them than without them. I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>chilling,</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m getting what I deserve! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pain</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>loss</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Loneliness</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And while doing that I’m starting over. Forgetting about my past and creating a new path for myself that doesn’t end in death and destruction. So don’t you dare tell May or anyone a single goddamn thing about me because they need to let go and move on, and they can’t do that if they know where I am!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s face scrunched up after she’d let it all out, and she forced herself not to cry as she looked at her feet, her anger still there but subdued, lying in wait, ready to strike again if need be. Her arms were back into fists by her sides, and she was doing her best to not punch a wall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Daisy looked up at Natasha, whose gaze had softened considerably, surprised. “You’re right, I don’t know your full story. I shouldn’t have said that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s fury at her began to ebb away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know how Melinda rarely lets certain people in. She was </span>
  <em>
    <span>crying </span>
  </em>
  <span>over the phone, Daisy. Your </span>
  <em>
    <span>SO</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No way. May doesn’t cry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So when one of those certain people leaves, it hurts her more than anything. And I hate seeing her hurt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy regarded her cool expression. Pushing down her panic, she croaked, “So what do you want me to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Natasha was silent for a moment. “I’ve been in your position. So, I’m not going to make you do anything, nor will I tell anyone.” She motioned to Daisy’s fists, “But you can’t harm yourself. Ever. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No one</span>
  </em>
  <span> deserves to cause themself pain. Deal?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another deal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay,” She lied, resolving to be more careful about how public her self harm was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Natasha squinted at her a little, as if not believing her, then just sighed and walked over to Daisy. “Here, we need to bandage these up.” She grabbed Daisy’s wrists gently and then began to wrap them with some gauze she found. Daisy avoided her eyes and felt yet again the same melancholy pang of memory, remembering how May used to do the same thing for her after long nights.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy stared off into nowhere, biting her bottom lip again. When Natasha finished wrapping her knuckles up, she pushed her arms back into the pockets of her hoodie and said nothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go train. I’ll tell May that I don’t know where you are, but I’ve seen you and I know you’re safe, alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy nodded mutely. Natasha began to walk away to the mats, then stopped and called over her shoulder, “Those were some good punches, really. We should spar sometime.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy nodded and walked to the elevator without saying anything else. Without talking to Jarvis, the elevator began to move automatically to her room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steve and Natasha knew who she was. Though they said they wouldn’t tell, she still had the feeling that one wrong move, like getting caught starving herself, and they would call The Playground, and May and Coulson would find her and look at her with those pitying eyes again, wanting her to go back to who she was before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t do that to them. They didn’t deserve that pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Shopping and crying go well together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Very very very long chapter today!!! Daisy goes shopping with Bucky.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After coming back from her semi-cathartic session in the gym, Daisy realized that the sweaty tank top and sweatpants she was wearing were the last shirt and pants that she owned. She looked everywhere for the dirty clothes she’d thrown down the possible laundry chute but she didn’t see them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jarvis, where are my clothes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the laundry. They should be back in about an hour or so.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy sighed, grumbling. She needed new clothes and she couldn’t run on just 2 shirts and 2 pants. She needed to go shopping. She could just send someone to do it, but she was going to need to go outside eventually. She also needed specific things for her computer that she didn’t trust anyone else to get.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sniffed her arms and the inside of her jacket, and recoiled. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>needed more clothes, but she had a couple of things to take care of. First, she’d need something to go in, and could probably avoid taking a shower if she had clean clothes. Second, she’d need a car and someone to take her to the store.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a moment, she called Jarvis and asked him to find Steve. It only took a couple of minutes after his confirmation for Steve to come down and knock on her door. She opened it, having straightened her clothes and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. He stood there at her door, looking a little worried. “Why are your hands bandaged? Did you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m out of clothes,” she cut him off, still a little stiff with him after his ultimatum the day before, “and my hands are fine. I was training with Natasha earlier. I need to go shopping, </span>
  <em>
    <span>sadly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but I don’t have any clothes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Well, I’m sure Darcy will lend you a t-shirt and jeans, you both seem to be the same size. Do you have a car? Wait, no, of course not.” He looked up a little, thinking. “Bucky’s in charge of grocery shopping today, so I’m sure he’ll let you tag along, if you’re okay with that?” He asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled a little. “No, that’s great, thanks. Do you know when he’s leaving? And where I can find Darcy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Probably around 3. I can ask. And I’ll get Jarvis to get Darcy to send down some clothes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And a jacket. And some things to cover my face. Please.” She added, flushing. She needed something thicker to cover up her starvation tactics showing through her waist and arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He left, and closed the door behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy walked over to the bathroom and refreshed her makeup from that morning, rinsing her face of the sweat and foundation, and reapplying the blush to make herself look less pale. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While she was wiping her hands on the towel, she heard another knock on the door. Darcy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once the door was open, she saw the girl with a large stack of clothes, much more than she’d asked for, and was met with a stream of excited babbles. “Hey! Here are your clothes! You don’t have to return them, I have more than enough. I’m not rubbing it in your face or anything, sorry. I also have money if you need it! I get that you don’t have much because you ran from The Rising Tide. Anyway. I also have some hats and some glasses; Steve said you needed to cover your face because you’re in hiding and all. I didn’t know what color you liked so I have mostly grey and black, because that’s all I’ve seen you in, but there are some yellow sweatpants in there if you wanted a splash of color-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Daisy said, genuinely smiling at the kindness, surprising herself a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Darcy smiled. “No problem.” They both stood there awkwardly, not sure what to say, until Darcy shot her a huge grin and quipped that she had to study for university, and ran off. Daisy nodded gratefully and closed the door, happy to be alone again. Darcy’s chatter reminded her too much of who she used to be, and it made her chest hurt again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In her bedroom, she had Jarvis black out the windows before she changed into one of the black tank tops and loose jeans from Darcy. They fit pretty well, though large around her bony joints. Daisy slipped a baggy gray sweater over her head to cover her body up and then let Jarvis know she’d be ready whenever Bucky was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the next hour or so, she lounged on her bed with her laptop. It wasn’t that fancy, and was slow and outdated compared to the one Coulson had given her last year for christmas, but it didn’t have any trackers on it because she’d had it before SHIELD. She didn’t doubt that the gift from AC had had a tracker on it, and therefore didn’t bring it, but it may have just been because Coulson didn’t want it getting lost instead of trying to keep tabs on her. He definitely hadn’t anticipated her running away, not back then. Not before… everything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hoped that he hadn’t been the one who’d eventually found it under her bed where she’d left it. It probably would’ve hurt him the hardest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She began setting up new updates to the outdated firmware and made a mental note to pick up a 1 TB hard drive when she’d go shopping so she could remove all of the old SHIELD software on it. Then she ran a couple of test programs to double check for audio, visual, or location bugs, but it was clear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She laid there on her stomach, her chin laying on the bed while she lazily typed on the computer in front of her. While sifting through old SHIELD cameras she’d opened up one that overlooked the Playground. She bit her lip, considering using the camera to check on the base.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without analyzing her options too much, she bypassed the SHIELD security easily through the open link and quickly had access to the security cameras dotting the whole compound. Clicking through the hundreds of cameras, she looked for a familiar face to sooth the loneliness sitting heavy in her gut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first person she found was Fitz. He was sitting on the couch in one of the eating areas, calmly eating a banana while looking at something on his phone. Nobody was around him except for a couple of unfamiliar agents, and his back was to the camera, so Daisy clicked past to look for someone else, maybe someone talking. After passing a few more cameras, all with random agents training and eating, she found Elena Rodriguez and Mack- Oh, god, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mack</span>
  </em>
  <span>- sitting outside the infirmary, hugging each other and talking in low, hushed voices. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After pushing away the memory of almost killing Mack, Daisy began to wonder why they were outside of the infirmary. Her heart began to pound as she shakily found the cameras leading inside the medical bay, and then skipped a beat when she saw who was lying in one of the beds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>May.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy gaped at the screen, wondering when and how it could’ve happened. May was asleep, and looked so frail curled up under the sheets in the hospital bed with a cannula in her nose helping her breathe. Her face had some scattered purple-green bruises but she seemed to be in an okay position; nothing critical, but Daisy couldn’t really tell. At least she wasn’t surrounded by too much equipment, just an IV and a heart monitor- a good sign. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How could this happen?</span>
  </em>
  <span> It had to have been Director Mace’s fault. If Coulson was still Director then Daisy was sure May would’ve been fine; Coulson would’ve never let this happen. But he stepped down after Hive, feeling guilty even though it was all Daisy’s fault. Mace had been Director for 24 goddamned days and he’d already endangered a good agent. Daisy had never liked him back at the base, and for good reason.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s emotions began to run high, seething with worry and fury at Mace for sending May out on a mission. She had to know how this had even happened; May was such a good agent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quickly, she pulled up her planted chink in the SHIELD files database and followed it to mission reports from the day before, after her phone call. May had seemed fine then, so they must’ve talked before her injury’d happened. After a minute, she found the file of a report from the day before at 9:52 linked to a surgery report at 10:32 PM right after. She clicked open the mission report first, and her blood ran cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“S.H.I.E.L.D. Mission Report, Strike team: Agent May and Agent Rodriguez.” She read aloud from the document softly to herself. “Mission parameters: Non lethal retrieval. Target: Daisy Johnson.” At this she gasped a little, but forged on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Supplies used: Quinjet #4, 2 Icers and various sedatives administered through darts and syringes. Mission result: Failure. Encountered a group of followers of an anti-inhuman gang called The Watchdogs that had tried to kill Agent Rodriguez. Agent May saved Agent Rodriguez but sustained injury. See attached.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy sat up and closed the laptop, unable to finish reading all of the mindless codes and protocols used on the mission.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hadn’t been Mace’s fault at all. It had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>hers</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because May and Elena had been looking for her. Even now, after distancing herself from everyone, they were still getting hurt on her account. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had to fix that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was interrupted from continuing that line of thought by a sharp rap at her door. She startled a little, then relaxed when she realized it was Bucky outside, probably ready to drive her to the store. Daisy pushed the cap over her short hair and then slipped some wide rimmed sunglasses on. As long as she didn’t look up too much, her haircut and her face being covered should be more than enough to keep cameras from recognizing her. She quickly grabbed her knife and boots and about 200 dollars of cash from her duffle, then opened the door to a casual Bucky with his hands in the pockets of a comfy jacket.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi. You good on disguise?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then they left together, heading down to one of the underground floors in the elevator, not saying much to each other except for a few pleasantries. Daisy suppressed her angry thoughts at herself and fleetingly wondered if Steve had said anything to Bucky about her and who she was. He’d said he wouldn’t, but Bucky was his boyfriend. They seemed really close, considering they’d been friends since before the war. If Bucky didn’t spill, she didn’t really care if he knew. He didn’t seem the type to want to talk about things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the first time, she inspected Bucky up close through the dark lenses of her glasses. He was staring straight ahead with his hands sitting comfortably in the pockets of his jeans for the duration of the elevator ride, and she began to notice how familiar his face looked, or more accurately, his expression. It was like this deep sadness, or guilt, hidden in the eyes of a melancholy half smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew that look all too well. She saw it every time she looked in a mirror; this mask of defeat, seeming to hide a broken monster that had done so many horrible things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She began to suspect that the story Coulson had told her so long ago on a sleepless night hadn’t even begun to touch on what Bucky Barnes had gone through. He’d said that Bucky had been held in Cryo Freeze for 70 years after being experimented on in Hydra, and that’s how he’d been right there with Steve Rogers, as if the 70 years had never happened. Daisy had asked what kind of experiments he’d been subjected to by Hydra, but Coulson had just given her that morose little grin that hid so little yet such large secrets, and said, “That’s classified.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then she wondered if the techniques used to brainwash Agent 33 were used on Bucky as well. Doctor Whitehall had existed back then as well. She also recalled Steve mentioning helping someone else heal on her first night in the tower. It must’ve been him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky must’ve done some seriously bad shit to look just like Daisy did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Second time staring at me. Am I really that ugly?” Bucky startled Daisy, who’d probably begun to look at him in a borderline creepy way. She flushed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grinned a little, and then stepped out just as the elevator doors opened to the same pleasant ‘Ding’ sound she’d already come to expect. It was a point of stability for her, one normal thing that didn’t change. She could always rely on it to be there when the elevator was in use.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The garage forced her to forget her embarrassment when she saw the long expanse of cars ahead of them. They ranged from new lamborghinis to classy Porsche 911s. It must’ve all cost a fortune. Coulson would’ve loved this, she thought with a twang, which caused her thoughts to think of May, which reignited her own fury at herself for… for what? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For having to have people look for her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No.</span>
  </em>
  <span> For leaving them. Even though she had to. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not that either.</span>
  </em>
  <span> For letting them care about her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nope.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even if she couldn’t exactly put into words why, it was still her fault.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was the monster.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hand on her shoulder almost caused her to smash Bucky’s head open on reflex, but he calmly sidestepped out of it. She realized they were standing in front of a silvery-white truck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready to go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy nodded a confirmation numbly; her head feeling cloudy. She got in the passenger seat of the car, mumbling shotgun on habit before realizing that was something she used to do on weekly supply runs with FitzSimmons. Bucky chuckled across from her, getting in and accidentally closing the door with a little more force than seemed necessary.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The first time I heard that, Sam called it.” He told her, putting on his seatbelt. She mirrored him, internally surprised this guarded man that wore a mask on his pain was telling a complete stranger one of his memories. “We were just trying to go for a road trip down to the coast, to Long Island, I think. Sam had yelled it so loud I dove and rolled me an’ Steve behind another car,” he waved vaguely as he pulled the truck out and began exiting the garage. “Sam was laughing so hard that I’d gone to save Steve’s ass and not his. Steve was upset I was lookin’ after him, and probably also upset that I had gone to find shelter instinctively when I’d heard it. Probably thought I was slipping back into my Hydra days.” He gave a little laugh. “I brushed it off then, telling them it didn’t matter. It really didn’t. Sam got it, but I think Steve told everyone not to call it around me. Jokes on them, now I always end up with the front seat. Pisses off Sam.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They pulled out of the garage and onto the busy streets, mingling right in with the 4 o’clock work traffic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate it when he does that,” He continued, and at her look, elaborated, “When he acts like I’m so fragile. I’d misread the situation, fo’ Chrissake. It’s better now, but he always frets like his mom when someone mentions something violent.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this statement, Daisy decided to pry and feed her curiosity. “Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed heavily. “I dunno how much you know. Steve’s tried to make it, like, an outright secret, but I don’t really care who knows. Not anymore.” He fell silent, focusing on the beeping in front of them as another jeep cut across them and a few others.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, Daisy assumed he wasn’t going to tell her, and she wasn’t going to pry further. It seemed like Bucky was in a situation like her, and she knew how precious the most stabby of memories were, and how reluctant she was to share with anyone else so that her burden would be hers alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then she vaguely remembered May saying she’d done the same thing after Bahrain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“About 75 years ago, I was on a mission with Steve, who’d already become Captain America. We were on a mission with the Howling commandos, and we had to infiltrate a train.” Bucky told her abruptly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paused and slammed the brakes right before an intersection, where some idiot had run a red light.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The drivers in New Mexico were much nicer,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she remembered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, I- I fell off the train into the snow below. A 200 an’ somethin’ drop, Steve said. I could’ve died there, peacefully, but no,” he gave a dry, raw, chuckle. “That was just the beginning. Hydra found me, and cut my arm off. They, uh, tortured me.” He said simply. “Brainwashed me. Good pet assassin for Hydra. 2 years ago, just about, Steve woke me up from my mind prison right before I would’ve killed him and began to help me heal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hunches had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>right.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sadly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then, after a very fun trial with the U.S. government, I admitted to Steve I loved him, and. I’m sure you can figure out the rest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded, not sure what to say. Here was a guy who’d gone through hell. He’d hurt and killed a lot of people, more people than she had with Hive. And yet he was, relatively, happy. He had a boyfriend, and a family who’d forgiven him. Knowing this, she saw a glimmer of hope of returning to her team, and Coulson and May, but she quickly squashed it down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky didn’t have the potential to bring down entire buildings with his hands. Daisy couldn’t be near them, not when they’d cut her mental wounds open by accident every time they’d try to comfort her; their friendly and sympathetic faces reminding her of what she’d done to them. It caused her to lose control of her powers more than once, but less once she’d starved herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She racked her brain to think of something to say, deciding that if </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t want to hear pity from other people, she wasn’t going to give it to him, either. Instead she decided to distract him, yet still acknowledging she’d heard him. “So, how is it finding out you’re able to date a guy when you come from a world where it’s illegal?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky’s little smile proved she’d made the right choice in asking that. “Well, apparently, while I’d been pining for him since 1935, he’d also been loving me. Man, if only one of our dumb asses had just gone to the other and said somethin’... anyway, it was weird. It was really weird, knowing that I could actually have him. I still instinctively drop his hand when someone walks too close, then grab it again, realizing how much I’d missed it in those few seconds.” Daisy smiled, happy to hear a story that had nothing to do with violence, just love. It was a nice reprieve from her heavy thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They arrived at a Target parking lot, pulling into a spot near the front. She hadn’t been to a Target since being in The Rising Tide. The team always did their grocery shopping for The Playground at local shops and stands, not big chains like this. “That’s really sweet.” She told him, unbuckling her seatbelt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His smile grew a little as they hopped out of the car. Walking inside, Bucky checked to make sure Daisy had enough money, and she reassured him that she did before following him to grab a red shopping cart. She made sure her Cap was low over her face and her sunglasses were positioned well enough to cover her eyes and head. Target was swarming with security cameras.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Bucky tucked one strand of his hair behind his ear and considered the store before them. “Where do you want to go first? If you want to go alone or stick together, it doesn’t really matter.” Daisy shrugged. “Alright, let’s just stay together so that we only need one cart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulled a small leather bound notebook out of his back pocket and thumbed through it; Daisy peeking over his shoulder to read it. “Okay, here’s the list of stuff everyone wants. We’ll just circle around the store and grab stuff as we see ‘em.” He leaned on the cart with his elbows and began pushing it through the store, ending up in the refrigerated section first. He started grabbing stuff off the shelves without looking too hard at the list, so Daisy guessed that he probably automatically knew what everyone mostly wanted after 2 years with them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wha- why the fuck does Sam want 5 bottles of whipped cream? He never cooks.” He muttered, grabbing only one can and placing it on top of the pile of milk, ice cream, and fruits they’d already collected. Daisy stifled a giggle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked up at her and shook his head, sighing. “He better not use it for any-fucking-thing but his sweet tooth.” At this, Daisy laughed out loud, surprising herself. For the first time since Lincoln or Hive, she’d laughed without forcing it almost at all. Bucky had managed to distract her from thinking too much about her past, though the underlying guilt about May was still there, sitting like a stone in her gut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was the way they traipsed through the store, collecting the large list of things that were most likely unnecessary while questioning everyone’s eating habits. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the grocery section, Natasha had asked for some bags of apples and oranges and lots of gluten free bread. Steve had wanted things to make a sandwich, and Sam, along with the whipped cream he’d asked for, also wanted 3 packs of ham, a full rotisserie chicken, and salsa. Bucky, in addition to everyone else’s food, had gotten ingredients to make lasagna for everyone, and Daisy wondered how she was going to get out of eating it. Just saying that she’d already eaten would probably hurt Bucky that she’d avoided eating his food. Maybe she could say she was lactose intolerant?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the clothing area, Daisy grabbed a couple of extra large black sweatshirts, and some loose shirts and sweatpants in various colors. Most of the clothes she’d grabbed were plain, but she’d grinned at some comical thor pajamas and thrown them into the cart immediately, earning a chuckle from Bucky. She also snatched some leather fingerless gloves and a plaid black long sleeved shirt. They then grabbed some various items for everyone, consulting the list and a handy size chart in the notebook. Right before moving on, she grabbed a tough looking leather jacket that looked a lot like May’s and placed it on top of the rest of her things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Passing the clothing section, they also threw in a lot of rolls of duct tape and some wiring and electrical things for Tony to fiddle around with. Daisy gave a puzzled look at Bucky when they’d made a brief stop in the arts and crafts aisle, and he came back with a heap of oil paint, some smallish canvases, a sketchbook and some brushes and pencils. “Restocking for Steve,” he explained. She nodded, filing away that information. Captain America, an artist? That was… unexpected.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their cart was beginning to overflow, but they still had more things to grab. Daisy made a detour to grab some DVDs, remembering the DVD player under her TV in her room, while Bucky bought various toiletries like shampoo and conditioner. When Daisy came back, he explained, “The shampoo and conditioner that Stark Industries stocks the tower with has no scent. After coming back from Hydra, I really liked scented stuff, so I always grab some.” After admitting that, Daisy saw him study her, waiting for her reaction to something pretty personal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool. Don’t the Hydra-licious shampoos have a strong smell though?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stared at her. “What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have like 10 bottles of it in my room. They were there when I arrived.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paused for a moment, crinkling his brows together, then laughed. “Damn. Now I remember. Tony put a bottle of it in each of our rooms, to be funny. We all ended up sticking it in one of the empty guest rooms, which was probably yours.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That’s fun. Does Tony do pranks like that a lot?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, kinda,” he mused, while Daisy grabbed some foundation that would cover her pale complexion a little better than the one she was provided with. “But it’s more like trolling. He loves messing with us, especially when his partner in crime, Peter, is around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Peter?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Peter Parker. Spiderman. Oh, and he’s basically Tony’s son. Don’t tell him I said that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tony doesn’t seem like the father type. And now I know Spiderman’s identity.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. The kid lives with his aunt in Queens, but regularly visits. When Tony isn’t around, we all call him ‘his son’, even Pepper.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s real cute.” Daisy stopped at an area with sunglasses and various hats and began trying some of them on with her new, cut, hairstyle, stealthily switching them with her baseball cap with her head ducked down to avoid being seen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. He denies it, but we have proof; one time Natasha managed to steal a picture of Peter nestled into Tony’s shoulder in the commons. It’s blackmail now. Ooh, that looks good,” He praised, regarding the grey beanie she’d stuck on her head. Daisy nodded in the mirror and grabbed two, one grey and one black, plus a couple of pairs of sunglasses.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the technology help center, their last stop, she grabbed a couple of hard drives for her computer, a RAM chip, and a graphics card, plus some other minor components that she’d use to upgrade her laptop. Then she grabbed a trusty RYZE drone, small but fast with a well performing camera for cheap. She could use one of Stark’s, she was sure, but she’d need a personal one, one that wasn’t connected to any other channels. Grabbing a random pair of Wireless headphones and a portable charger, she hopped up and told an amused Bucky that she was ready.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> that’s enough?” He asked as she dumped her haul into the cart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” she answered to his sarcasm and ran ahead to the checkout area, leaving him behind to push the load into one of the long lines. Bucky nudged her when he caught up, asking, “Do you think we could pass this off as ten things? It’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>tad</span>
  </em>
  <span> over the limit, but self checkout is always quicker so I think we should give it a shot.” She rolled her eyes but smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cashier’s eyes grew a little wider as she took in the mountain of things she’d have to scan. While waiting for her to finish, a TV in the corner at the front of the store caught Daisy's eye. She focused on it through her peripheral vision, careful not to raise her face towards it for fear of a security camera alerting The Playground of her location. It was the news, talk about some headline where a gang had been targeting specific people. She began to look away, uninterested, until the headline caught her attention. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘WATCHDOGS ATTACK YET ANOTHER INHUMAN. WAS THE VICTIM </span>
  <em>
    <span>REALLY</span>
  </em>
  <span> UNARMED?’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Watch dogs. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They shot May</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daisy remembered. Daisy’s eyes ran red as she saw footage of them in camouflage and kevlar vests with masks over their heads looking like growling dogs. She hadn’t even realized she’d turned her face up to fully look at the TV until she felt a tap from Bucky and heard him murmur, “Head </span>
  <em>
    <span>down</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She flushed and tucked her chin back down again, heart hammering in her chest. Throughout the trip, she’d almost forgotten about May’s bullet wound, but the TV reminded her all over again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though it was mostly her own fault, it was also partly</span>
  <em>
    <span> their</span>
  </em>
  <span> fault, for organizing a radical hate movement against her people. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>May wasn’t even inhuman, she was just protecting Elena. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Daisy couldn’t beat herself up without anyone noticing, then she was going to have to take out her anger on them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could do that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky touched her shoulder lightly and she took a deep breath, following him and his 10 or 11 bags clutched in his hands out the automatic doors.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you need help with that?” She offered automatically, but Bucky ignored her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? The news seemed like it made you think of something. Do the Watchdogs mean anything to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They do,” she muttered and followed him silently the rest of the way home, ready to get her fists moving again.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know Bucky wouldn't trust her as much as he does in this story but I feel like he recognizes the same pain on her face thats always on his, like how Daisy was thinking in the elevator. Maybe Steve saw it too. So they're just trying to help her heal.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Daisy kicks some ass</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Actionnnn</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&lt;3 Long one this time!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Exhausted from the day’s excursion, Daisy flopped onto the couch with her 3 or so plastic bags of gadgets and clothes, noticing how her old, dirty clothes she’d thrown into the laundry were neatly folded next to her front door. She grabbed her old black hoodie and smushed it into her face, and sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now that she was alone, all of the anger and thoughts she’d been repressing about May and The Watchdogs came bubbling up to the surface. She suddenly smacked her knuckles into the coffee table, then groaned and flopped her wrist around at the recoil. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She told herself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Losing it on your furniture won’t do a damn thing. Losing it on the people responsible for hurting May? </span>
  </em>
  <span>That she could do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But first she needed a plan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew that the Watchdogs prowled around in New York in addition to New Mexico, Texas, and California. Though the people that were about to have a really rough night were not the exact ones that hurt May, they still deserved it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had still hurt her people.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy knew to wait until the cover of night when she would be able to slip out into the lobby and, under the cover of darkness, not be seen by any traffic cameras, so she decided to get a couple of hours of sleep before running out to find some Watchdogs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She contacted an old friend in the Rising Tide, Maddi, to see if she could see any Watchdog activity planned that night. After 30 minutes, she responded, reporting that they were planning a transfer of illegal ammunition and were going to pass 28th and Park on their route, so Daisy could meet them there. It was 10 blocks away, so she would be able to easily walk there under the cover of night. According to Maddi, there would be minimal protection, about three or four guys, and a black truck with a large bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After asking Jarvis to set an alarm for eight, she updated her computer for the rest of the night. As she worked, she let her thoughts drift off as she, quite disturbingly, imagined her fist colliding with a foul watchdog, his bones behind his signature mask cracking from the collision. Daisy smiled, the weight on her shoulders beginning to lift as the thought of violence soothed her mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That scared her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the actual fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t do that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You may be a monster but you’re trying to leave that behind at SHIELD.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You can’t do that if you think horrifying shit like that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tonight is just revenge and, bonus, stopping illegal weapons from being sold. That’s it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And then you’re never doing it again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Enough vigilante-ing. Live a goddamn normal life for once.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Daisy shut off her computer and flopped backwards onto her bed. The fact that imagining her hurting another person, even though they weren’t a very good person, made her happy was fucked up and fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrifying</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It filled her with a twisted warmth just like when she was hurting people under Hive. She was slipping, and it was a problem. She needed to forget about the terrible things she’d done and move on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was really bad at moving on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy, you said to remind you when it was 8 o’clock,” Jarvis alerted her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She moved her laptop and her hard drive to her nightstand, then curled up under the covers to sleep, ignoring how her stomach grumbled at the lack of food, a feeling she was way past being accustomed to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ward had been bothering her for a while now. Always insisting that he would never lie to her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Somehow, as she stared into his cold, black eyes from the cold metal chair she was sitting in, she didn’t believe him. Maybe it was his betrayal and how he’d hurt FitzSimmons and May. How Fitz was sitting in the lab at that very moment, struggling to string together complete sentences because of hypoxia; talking to someone that wasn’t there. How Simmons had had to be sent away on an undercover mission to God knows where, because she had PTSD from being trapped a hundred feet below surface level.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, it was pretty hard to believe he’d tell the truth.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And yet every single goddamn time his intel on Hydra proved to be true. It truly seemed like he’d turned over a new leaf. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Knowing Ward, he had an ulterior motive. And he would betray them all all over again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I swore I’d never lie to you,” He repeated. Daisy glared at him, face stoic. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Everything I did,” he continued, “good and bad, I did of my own free will.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He didn’t even look remorseful. Those dark eyes peering out from the darkness of the cell, looking like a snake watching its prey; they made an involuntary shiver curl up Daisy’s back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Daisy remained silent.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you believe I’m telling you the truth?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Reluctantly, she nodded. “I just don’t know why. I don’t know what you hope to achieve by-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t hope for me; I hope for you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the hell does that mean?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know something. And I want you to believe me when I say it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Daisy pursed her lips and studied him. He seemed almost… earnest.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seeing her calm mask ripple at his words, Ward stood up and cocked his head. He walked to her, as close as he could without hitting the barrier, and spoke 4 words that made her blood run cold.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Your father is alive.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She resisted the urge to laugh at the absurdity.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s looking for you. And someday, if you let me, I’ll take you to him.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That lying son of a bitch. “We’re done here,” she retorted coldly, and only lost her composure once she turned the barrier between her and Ward solid again and he couldn’t see her face turn red.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not possible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She staggered up the stairs out of Vault D and slid down the wall next to the large metal door, grasping for a rational thought to steady her. She clutched the tablet used for controls and took in short, shallow breaths.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not possible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Obviously he wanted out. He said only </span>
  </em>
  <span>he</span>
  <em>
    <span> would take her to her father. That would be a means to an escape. He could just be pushing her buttons, knowing how much she wished her parents were alive. Playing with her emotions.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And yet… He seemed like he was telling the truth. All of his intel had been right so far.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if he wasn’t lying?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A rapid beeping from her wrist alerted her to her heart rate going up quickly. She cursed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Her watch always let her know her heart rate. May, as her SO, was trying to train Daisy to maintain calm at all times, and she checked through the heart monitor. She’d been getting really good at maintaining a solid 65 bpm in high stress situations and combat.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But not now. The watch was showing it accelerating to 100, then 120. It was rapidly climbing up to 150.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She was having a panic attack.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy. It’s 2 AM.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” She groaned as Jarvis woke her up from her fitful sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rising from the bed, reluctantly leaving the warmth of her covers, she began to get ready to beat up some Watchdogs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder if I can ask Tony for something like my heart monitor here, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she thought as she remembered her dream. She had left hers behind when she’d left SHIELD, suspecting a tracker to be placed on the watch somewhere. It would be nice to use it to regulate her heart rate again and keep calm in stressful situations. </span>
  <em>
    <span>May may not be my SO anymore, but I can still use her techniques,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thought with a pain in her chest. She wasn’t sure if it was from her starvation or from missing May. Maybe both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sliding on a low cut tight T-shirt and thick leggings, she wondered what she would do with the guns in the truck. Drop them off at the police station, she supposed. Anonymously. She rubbed her eyes, yawning.</span>
  <em>
    <span> So damn tired.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pulling on the new leather jacket, she zipped it up only halfway, showing some of her cleavage. Frankly, it was a little slutty, but</span>
  <em>
    <span> I’m not a little kid anymore,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thought spitefully as she pulled on her heavy combat boots. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t need to cover every inch of my body,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she snapped until she realized she was defending herself to nobody. No one’s opinion mattered anymore because the only peoples’ opinions she cared about were back in New Mexico.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t have her gauntlets with her, so using her powers was gonna hurt. A lot. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I deserve it. I really do for hurting May and the team so badly. Tonight's revenge is against them </span>
  </em>
  <span>and</span>
  <em>
    <span> me. We’ll both be in pain. We both deserve the pain.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quickly, she opened her laptop and checked on May to make sure she was stable. Satisfied at the sleeping woman, she left the laptop on her bed and stopped in the kitchen for a large glass of water to sate her hunger before slipping out of her room, 2 knives in her boots and a gun holstered on her waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wouldn’t be needing them. Her powers were more than enough, but she felt a little more comfortable with them situated on her person, exactly where they always were on ops at SHIELD.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She snuck through the hallway and then quietly stepped into the waiting elevator, expecting a Ding, worried about it waking everyone up. There was none.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Jarvis,” she whispered as the elevator moved eerily down to the lobby. Ever since she’d said she needed to leave without anyone knowing, he’d been really good at understanding what she wanted without her having to say it. Briefly she wondered if someone else had done something like this before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The elevator doors opened swiftly out into the lobby she’d first arrived in. She was hit with Deja Vu as she saw the whole, quiet area bathed in only the moonlight. Picking her way through the couches and flinching every time her heels clopped on the marble floors, she ended up at the big glass door. Worried for a second that Steve or Tony might’ve kept her from being able to pass through it so she wouldn’t run away, she closed her eyes and walked straight through it with no problems at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hitting the cold november air, she smiled. She was really ready to beat some dicks up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were going to arrive at the spot at three. She instinctively checked her nonexistent watch, then reminded herself again to ask Tony for one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever. She knew at most 15 minutes had passed since Jarvis had woken her up, so she would have more than enough time to stakeout and wait for the transfer team to arrive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She made her way down Park avenue, noting the people walking around at two in the morning. Most of them looked pretty normal, but some were homeless. The put together people probably had night shifts, and the homeless people probably couldn’t find a place to sleep. Daisy bit her lip as she remembered the three years she’d spent practically homeless with Miles before finding her van and The Rising Tide. It had been a strange sort of hell. She was always scared, but her hacking skills found her enough nice hotels and food to not be in too much trouble. It was mostly just lonely. She had Miles, but he still was generally a jerk. She missed having a family.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then she’d found one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then she’d hurt them all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now she was here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Approaching 28th street, she decided to duck behind an alley so she could keep an eye out for the truck. This area of New York was fairly void of people this early in the morning, so she would be clear to drag them behind a building. Through the glow of the faded street lamp near her, she crouched and watched the still, foggy air for any approaching vehicles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some time passed. She fought off a couple of yawns and kept her eyes alert for any sign of the Watchdogs. Her fingers began to get restless, eagerly awaiting the deserving pain she was about to inflict on herself and the people.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then she heard it. A screeching of tires and some men yelling. They were approaching her, fast, but as she watched, the black truck came into view, not driving, but sliding, one tire letting out sparks that lit up the terrified mens faces. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something was wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The truck grinded to a stop, right in front of her scouting spot in the alley. The two guys in the truck had rifles and were shouting at each other and the driver. The tire that had been shooting sparks now had a small fire. The engine was spouting out smoke as it complained, the three undamaged tires whirring and going nowhere.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The men stopped arguing and were looking around, terrified. It wasn’t just an accident. They were fucking terrified, backs to eachother, guns aiming around them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy retreated silently into the shadows of the alley way. She wasn’t feeling particularly patient and wanted to just have a go at them, but she decided to wait and see what was chasing them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was still and quiet for a total 3 seconds, until a street lamp near her exploded and blacked out, sending a shower of smoke and sparks out, narrowly missing the car or Daisy. The street became dark. She could barely make out the truck in the middle of the street.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>An inhuman? It seemed like something Lincoln could before he- she shook her head to clear her eyes of his smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She still didn’t see anyone, but she heard the driver yell, “Get it. Kill it! Shoot anything that moves.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this, Daisy stilled completely. She may not have been the one chasing them but she still didn’t doubt that they would kill her if she showed herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two men jumped out of the truck bed, prowling around with their guns raised. They were approaching the area where Daisy was, and she held her breath. She’d backed up as far as she could. If they came any closer, they would see her and she would be screwed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before that could happen, a rustling noise on the opposite side of the street from her caused the men to turn around and open fire on the glass window of a shop there. Thankfully it looked closed and dark, otherwise they’d have shot someone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took this chance, while their backs were to her, to sneak up behind the blond one and land a kick to his back. He turned around and she slugged him twice before shoving him to the ground, fully awake now from the combat. She held one of his arms in a cold grip, as he faced her, knees on the ground. It was then that she noticed the blood leaking out from a wound under his shirt, spreading onto her hands. He looked at her with wide eyes and pleaded, “Help. He- he got me. He’ll kill us all.” She gasped as her hands and gloves became covered in his blood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She dropped him as he passed out and looked around for his assailant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as she wanted to beat him up, she got the feeling that she should be much more worried about whoever wounded the guy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy looked up, internally freaking out, and saw a terrified woman a few meters away from her. She looked to be like a random passerby. She had barely a second to process the driver behind her saying, “Give me that thing,” before gunshots rang out. “Get back!” she yelled and tackled the lady out of the way of the gunfire and behind a car. She barely had a chance to recover and make sure that they were both okay before she noticed that nobody was shooting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All she heard was an engine, arriving up the street. It was some old pitch black car; Coulson would’ve known what it was. It slowed to a stop about 500 feet away, engine still running, and something about it brought a stench of death that made Daisy want to bolt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something told her this was who hurt the Watchdogs. She watched for a moment as a brief standoff ensued, the two Watchdogs left holding guns up to the car, still. Daisy momentarily wondered if she was going to have to interfere first and then was interrupted by a squeal of tires as the black car began to race at the truck at full speed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s going to crash straight into them, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she realized, as the lady next to her screamed and bolted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as she wanted the Watchdogs to suffer, she didn’t want them to die. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shoot it! Shoot it now!” was all she heard before a mini grenade launcher was picked up by one of them and shot at the car. Daisy gave a little gasp as it hit the car head on, sending it flipping through the air, on fire. Whoever was driving it was most definitely dead. When it landed, she cringed as she expected it to crumple and turn into a large bonfire, but it just landed straight onto the 4 tires, bouncing a little before continuing to run straight towards the truck. The car had sustained minimal damage, but had fire erupting from the front of the car, leaking flames out from under the hood. The driver seemed fine, and his dark eyes could be seen through the hot raging fire erupting in front of him on the car.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell? An inhuman that can survive fire? Like Scorch?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She watched as the car barreled straight through the truck, most likely killing the driver. The other Watchdog had ducked out of the way in time as he watched his partner get scorched. She barely got to see the aftermath because a literal ring of fire erupted around the collision, making her shield her eyes as she tried to get closer. She needed to see who it was that seemed to be immune to fire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy watched with horror as the man that survived got dragged back behind the car, screaming raw. She could hear gasps of, “No- no! No, please!” before hearing a splatter of blood spray out, some flying over the flames and onto the ground. Daisy watched the little dark drops of blood fly, lost. Her face was getting hotter and began to hurt as she approached the fire, straining to get a glimpse of the man that had done all of this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What she saw was insane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Through the wavy air caused by the heat, she saw a… a thing in a leather jacket. He had normal, human hands but instead of a head, she just saw a skull with dark eye sockets and a terrifying grin, with the spot where hair should’ve been lit on fire. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He dumped the man who’d lived into the trunk of his car, then got in the driver’s seat, slamming the door closed. The engine was still on fire. Tires screeching, he backed up straight through the wall of fire, then tore off into the night, letting off a glow as he disappeared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fucking hell did I just see. All I wanted to do was beat some idiots up. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy stared after the car, over the crumpled up mess of a truck and the two bodies inside the fire. She would’ve stood there all night had it not been for the firm hand on her shoulder, pulling her away. It was only then that she realized she’d been sweating profusely from the proximity to the heat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned towards the grip on her shoulder and gave a startled little gasp when she looked into the grim face of Bucky Barnes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wha-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to go. There are police coming.” As if on cue, sirens erupted from behind them. She swallowed and nodded as they ran off, around the buildings and back towards the tower, leaving the destruction and carnage behind them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This night may have started off as a single night for revenge, but it wasn’t anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’d gotten herself a mystery to solve.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yay.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Daisy and Bucky chat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>&lt;3 Early chapter this time.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They sat quietly together in the commons. It was still dark outside but neither of them had turned on a light.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make tea.” Daisy announced abruptly, and got up to go to the full kitchen. Though she’d avoided food, she still sometimes drank tea in rare or high stress situations to calm herself down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was both a rare and a high stress situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she steeped some random green tea on one of the many shelves, she vaguely wondered if she would be in trouble with Bucky. She wasn’t a little kid, and it wasn’t like he had any hold over her or ever told her not to leave, but she kept having this feeling like she was going to be scolded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky looked pretty lost, though, just like her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She would’ve thought she’d hallucinated the whole thing- she‘d seen him through a wall of fire and smoke and heat waves, distorting his appearance. Yet… Bucky had the same dumbfounded look, just like her, that led her to believe he’d seen it too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The skull guy was insane. He had to be inhuman, and, she supposed, probably had had a physical transformation just like Raina. Daisy felt a flash of pity for him that he had to live with a skull on fire all of the time. Maybe, if it wasn’t too late, she could catch him- send him to SHIELD. Then they could help him, like they did Joey and Elena.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then she remembered that stench of death that had arrived with him, the irrational fear coming off of him in waves… Maybe whatever that thing was, it couldn’t be helped anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy poured two mugs full of boiling green tea and brought them over to where Bucky was on the couch. Handing him one, she blew on the surface of hers until it was cool enough to sip. It was nowhere near as good as May’s tea was, but she would have to get used to it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was never going to have May’s tea again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Bucky croaked. Daisy looked up at him from her drink, waiting for him to continue. He didn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know the skull guy would be there; I promise. He was just- there. I came for the guys in the truck; they’re part of a group called the Watchdogs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky nodded. “I figured. I saw the look on your face when you saw the news in Target. I’ve seen it on Steve so many times. It was the look that said, ‘Oh, I’m gonna do something pretty fucking stupid because I’m pissed off and want vengeance.’” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy gave a wry smile and nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s start with that. Why? Revenge for what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hesitated before answering, “They hurt my- an old- a person I used to know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stared at her over the steam of his tea. Then he sipped. “May?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goddamnit! Every goddamn person knows. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Every</span>
  </em>
  <span> person. Did you figure it out? How much do you know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everything you told Steve. Oh, and that Agent May was shot. But that I found out about from Nat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Did he tell anyone else?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy didn’t fully believe him, but she decided to let it go. “Gonna give me an ultimatum like Steve?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked up, a ripple of surprise passing his face. “No? Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He wanted me to call May if I wanted to stay. Thought it would help. It didn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, of course not,” he mused, to Daisy’s surprise. “You need space. You feel better knowing that you’ve cut off all connections with your old team.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something about the knowing look in his expression made her feel like he was talking from experience.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Do you… Did you feel like that too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hummed as he sipped more tea. “After Steve… woke me up, I guess you could say, I tried to distance myself from him. I felt guilty for hurting him; I thought he deserved better. Eventually I reached out, once I’d come to terms with what I’d done and how it wasn’t my fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Except I’m not reaching out ever again. I’m done with them. They don’t deserve me. I hurt them, Bucky. They’ll only be dragged down with me there. I’m starting over. Here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gave this little knowing smile into his mug that made Daisy want to punch him. “What?” she growled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s almost exactly what I said. I wanted to make a new life for myself, just like you. It’s just harder without your family.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy knew he was wrong, but decided not to argue and changed the subject. “What do we do about the skull guy? I’m guessing he’s inhuman like me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Probably.” He set his mug down with a little thunk on the coffee table in front of them. “First off, we gotta alert Steve. Second, it’ll probably be all over the news. Didn’t I see a woman witness?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then they’ll interview her. I’ll bet that she’ll tell everyone about how Quake saved her. We have to focus on that first, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… shit.”</span>
  <em>
    <span> I didn’t think of that. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daisy’s heart began to race.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do we do?!” She panicked. “They’re gonna see it, and assume I’m here at the tower, and they’re going to try and talk to me again, or make me go back-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy. Take a breath.” She set the mug down that she’d been keeping an iron, shaky grip on and exhaled. “It’ll be fine. We can set up an incident in Florida or someplace with fake witnesses and they’ll assume that’s where you are. It’ll be fine,” he repeated. Daisy stared at him. “You’d do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Course. I get it. You need time, and they probably don’t know how to give it to you. So, for now, I’ll help you hide.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy gave him an uncertain smile. “Thank you.” she told him earnestly. “It’s, um, it’s nice. Having someone who knows. Back at the base, everyone would try and coddle me cautiously. They had these looks of pity and fear etched on their faces. I just wanted them to go away, and they couldn’t. Here, almost nobody knows my story. They don’t know what-” her voice broke, “-what a monster I am. They look at me like I’m just another person. I’m starting over. For the sake of everyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky scooted closer to her on the couch, still keeping his distance, but now almost at a comforting position. “I still feel like I don’t deserve anyone here, especially not Steve or Nat. I’m always still sitting with a pile of guilt from all of the people I’ve hurt. I still feel like it’s my fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But it’s not,” Daisy argued, “You were under the control of Hydra.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Weren't you under the control of Hive?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy stilled. “How do you know that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We- Steve and Nat, mainly- keep a good partnership with SHIELD.” His voice didn’t seem too judgemental, so Daisy assumed he didn’t know what she’d done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s harder now, though, with the new Director. Director Mace, I think. The former Director; we never found out his identity, but he shared a lot with us. This one; well he seems to care more about public appearance than anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’d only met Mace once before she ran away. She spent most of her days in her bunk, but she sometimes was coaxed out by Coulson or May. One of those rare times, she’d encountered him in the hallway and he’d, smiling at Daisy forcibly, pulled May aside, where he’d probably assumed she couldn’t hear them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had a conversation that went along the lines of; </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What is she doing up - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I was trying to help her, leave her alone Mace - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She’s inhuman. And mentally unstable - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>MENTALLY UNSTABLE - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>and we need to lock her up - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>don’t you fucking dare Mace - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>and trust is everything in a good team - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Goddamnit!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>During their hushed conversation Daisy had her slowly healing heart shattered, realizing that someone actually saw her for the monster she was, and fled back into her room, where she didn’t let anyone in for days. She spent the whole time thinking Mace was going to show May how much of a monster she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then she was gone, only leaving behind a small note for Coulson, May, and Mack. Not FitzSimmons; they wouldn’t understand and she’d had no idea what to write to her two pseudo siblings anyway. She wrote to Coulson that she was sorry. That it was for them. She didn’t deserve them, and she was starting over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look.” While she’d been thinking, Bucky had given up on trying to catch her attention and turned the news on. He gestured to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A young woman was speaking into a microphone, far too chipper for 5 in the morning talking about such a gruesome topic. She was emphasizing every fourth word or so, with wide eyes and a pitchy voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“3 watchdogs </span>
  <em>
    <span>brutally attacked</span>
  </em>
  <span> with fire near Avengers Tower last night, and authorities are investigating, but we have it on </span>
  <em>
    <span>good word</span>
  </em>
  <span> that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Quake</span>
  </em>
  <span> was at the scene, along with 2 </span>
  <em>
    <span>unidentified</span>
  </em>
  <span> men, according to witnesses.” The reporter on the screen kept babbling into her microphone, but Daisy started panicking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, woah, it’s fine. I’ll lead them away, I promise. That’s not what I wanted you to see.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy directed her attention back to the TV as the reporter started discussing the victims. One man disappeared, one brutally burned, and one- alive, in the Met Hospital.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stood up from the couch, her cold tea forgotten. “Bye.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Woah, woah, hold on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? I need to talk to him? Why was the skull guy chasing him? Did it have to do with the ammunition trade? Or is he some hoity-toity vigilante that’s killing off Watchdogs?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I dunno,” Bucky admitted, standing up. “If you have to go, I’m coming. I’ll admit I’m curious too. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Two things- one, don’t punch or beat the guy, he’s defenseless, and two, when we get back we have to look into this… this skull guy. Tony and Peter can probably find records of this dude. He might be brand new to us, but he might’ve been on the streets for a while, we just didn’t notice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please. I think you guys would notice reports of a guy with a skull for a head.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ve missed worse.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What’s that supposed to mean? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to go alone. This is personal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really. Not anymore. They aren’t even the people who attacked your mentor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ex-mentor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. Plus, with this superpowered fire skull, it’s kind of avengers business right now. I’m not gonna tell Steve right now, he’s got too much on his plate. But you can’t do this on your own.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes I-” she began indignantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can handle it, sure, but I don’t know if I want you to. You look a little bloodthirsty right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not against them, but against myself. I want to feel pain; redemption for what I’ve done.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky didn’t need to know that. She was going to have to let him think that it was purely revenge against the Watchdogs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both stood there, awkwardly, Daisy mildly seething at Bucky for not letting her go alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s not letting me go unless it’s with him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she realized. She could definitely force her way out but she didn’t want to pick a fight with the boyfriend of the guy who was hosting her so graciously. Plus, Bucky was a friend, and a person she related to well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a brief moment of silence, Daisy carried their mostly empty cups to the sink and rinsed them out. “I’ll meet you in the garage. At your truck,” she told him, her back to him. Bucky nodded, out of her view, and headed off to the elevators.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After cleaning the mugs, she leaned back onto the counter, looking out the gigantic windows at the beautiful skyline. The sun was beginning to come up, and everything was bright and lovely. From this height, you couldn’t tell what kind of nasty people were running around in the shadows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gave some perspective, in a way. Or maybe not.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just had to make this normal ass sunrise all deep and shit,” she muttered to herself as she moved away from the kitchen. She was beginning to feel a little sweaty under the black leather jacket but knew she wasn’t gonna be able to take it off, not with Bucky coming with her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was going to be harder to hide her frail state. She was already feeling a little light headed and her stomach was in nonstop pain. It was fine. The pain was good. It was good for many reasons, but it also showed she could go for a couple more days without replenishing herself. When the pain ended, the passing out and extreme fatigue began.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s when she always ate. At the brink. She always pulled herself back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What if she one day just… didn’t?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jarvis, take me to the garage.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes ma'am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m- not- don’t- not a ma’am. Please. Stick with Daisy.” She flushed as she stepped into the elevator following the ‘ding’.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Daisy. If you’d like informalities, Bucky Barnes refers to me as ‘Jay’, but I also respond to ‘Jarv’, ‘J-bot,’ and ‘Vis’.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sighed, then grinned a little. “Alright, Jay. Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe she was going to do a little bit of kicking ass after all, contrary to her original plans when arriving. She didn’t expect this skull guy to just be defeated anytime soon, and she was going to make sure that he was put away. Either with SHIELD, or in prison. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy had been planning on living a normal life without any more crime fighting, maybe just helping with Hacking for the avengers, but now- she felt good, getting back into the fight. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed that rush of adrenaline.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe Daisy could still be Quake; but not the monster Quake once was. Maybe she could be a new one, one that didn’t hurt her friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe she could still fight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A bit of the fire renewed in her, she popped out of the elevator at the ‘Ding’ and headed over to Bucky’s SUV.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Daisy and Bucky team up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Okay- so some comments were like 'yay Daisy's healing!'</p><p>Sorry in advance.....</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On the fourth floor of the hospital, Daisy and Bucky were trying to get into the victim’s room. They were trying to cause as little harm as possible, and disturb everyone very little.</p><p>They were most definitely failing. </p><p>They’d planned, after grabbing the complimentary hospital masks to disguise their identity, on just running in and just locking the door behind them, but then nurses started chasing them and they’d had to knock over a couple of tables.</p><p>“Fun.” she told Bucky, kicking open doors. </p><p>“Ya know they’re unlocked, right?”</p><p>“Like I said, it’s fun.”</p><p>The second to last door in the hallway led them to a half-dead man on a bed. It was the Watchdog that had asked- no, begged, for her help. She and Bucky rushed inside and barricaded the door.</p><p>The commotion outside was getting louder. “We don’t have much time,” Bucky warned.</p><p>“Right.” She turned her gaze to the man. “How’re we feeling today?”</p><p>He stared at her, dumbfounded, and blinked. Probably doped up on pain meds.</p><p>“I’ve been tracking weapons sales, and I know you were transporting some. You even jacked a big rig to help carry it out.”</p><p>“We were just paid to move them,” he groaned, shifting a little.</p><p>Oh. They weren’t Watchdogs, just low level mercs or goons doing dirty work.</p><p>Suddenly Daisy felt more than a little guilty that she’d been planning to bash their faces in. He didn’t seem like a good guy, but he hadn’t had anything to do with May getting hurt.</p><p>“Who was that hunting you?” She vaguely heard some grunts outside as people were trying to bash down the door.</p><p>“Daisy...” Bucky warned.</p><p>“He nailed me, but we almost got away.”</p><p>“Who was it?” She demanded.</p><p>He took in a ragged breath. “Did he kill my friends?”</p><p>“All but one. But you’re gonna have to give a little more if I’m gonna find him alive.” She was growing impatient and she pursed her lips.</p><p>He grunted and pulled himself up to put weight on his elbows. “Save him, <em> please</em>, before he gets burned too.” Aw, that was sweet. He kinda seemed like he cared for that other dude.</p><p>That other dude was most certainly dead.</p><p>“You’ll see your buddy again once you heal up.” She lied. “Just tell me what’s-”</p><p>He got up from his bed with a large groan. Daisy panicked and reached out to steady him if he fell. He squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth, bracing himself on the bed, then pointed at the bandages around his midriff. “No. No. It’s too late for me.”</p><p>The resigned certainty his voice had made her feel cold all of a sudden.</p><p>“They say when the Rider burns you, he burns your soul.” His white bandages began to bleed a deep red and he began panting. </p><p>“What the hell… “ She heard Bucky say behind her. The pounding on the door was getting louder.</p><p>“And the soul can never heal,” he groaned, clutching his midriff. He let out a pained shout and the heart monitors began beeping uncontrollably.</p><p>“Wha-” Daisy watched in horror as he keeled over and collapsed on the floor head first, blood soaking out from under his dead body. The monitor flatlined.</p><p>“Daisy, we need to get out- now,” Bucky growled as the door into the room swung open.</p><p>She bit down on her lip, hard, so she could focus over the underlying panic and hunger. Without considering her options, she blasted a hole in the wall with a quake and jumped out of it, Bucky close behind.</p><p>.o.</p><p>They were in Daisy’s apartment. Bucky had ordered chinese takeout (at 7 in the morning, earning glares from the workers) and was slurping on noodles happily as they researched places the skull guy had been.</p><p>“Key words: Suspicious death, fire, burns, New York City.”</p><p>“Got it. You sure you don’t want some food? No offense, but you don’t look like you’ve been eating.”</p><p>“I don’t need to eat as much as other people do. This article says that there was a councilman but he died of first degree burns. Those weren’t first degree, they were fourth degree. I’ll check the SHIELD database.”</p><p>“A: yeah. B: Bullshit. I can tell something’s not fully right. You’re too skinny. Your cheekbones really jut out, even under all that makeup.”</p><p>“I’ve always been like that. I like food, trust me. It’s just been harder to enjoy it without remembering the taste of my favorite foods made by Coul- a friend in SHIELD. Everything tastes pretty bleak now without his cooking. I’ve lost a few pounds because of it. Nothing to worry about,” she lied, shrugging. </p><p>It was a weak excuse, but sometimes people believed what they wanted to believe. She knew from experience with foster parents; even the ones that cared. She would lie about her pain, and they would believe her despite the obvious way she winced at basic actions. They didn’t want to dig deeper and see the self harm; it was easier if they ignored the warnings and pretended everything was fine.</p><p>Nothing was fine.</p><p>“Hm. Thomas Wright's house burned down. Killed him but not his son. Not our skull guy. Why did he hunt those specific people? What angle is he playing? They were doing a fairly common ammunition transfer.”</p><p>Grateful for the change in topic, Daisy responded, “I think it might be a vigilante thing. Maybe he was trying to stop them?”</p><p>Bucky stared at her. “Did you not feel the air when he was there? Goddamn… it was like… death. Real death. But like in air form. Uh. Why would you think he’s on our side?” </p><p>“I don’t think he’s on our side… but he also didn’t kill any innocent people. And I get the feeling it wasn’t a random assault. I think he ambushed them, like I was going to,” she said with a twinge of guilt for having assumed the guys were actually Watchdogs and not just some low level mercs.</p><p>“Maybe. Or maybe he’s just a serial killer.”</p><p>She shrugged and went back to keywording SHIELD files, seeing if they’d found any new inhumans with fire powers.</p><p>They typed in silence, the only noise coming from the clacking of their keys and Bucky eating. Everything was chill.</p><p>She abruptly reached for her glass of water at the same time Bucky put down his empty box, resulting in Bucky’s metal arm whacking her arm, hard.</p><p>Daisy’s splintered arm couldn’t deal with the stress on her bones anymore. </p><p>It cracked.</p><p>Loudly.</p><p>And painfully.</p><p>She let out a cry of pain and brought it back quickly and cradled it while Bucky looked at her, bewildered. “Sorry, did I hit you? I swear it was an accident, jesus. Do you need me to bring you to the medbay?”</p><p>Daisy, blinking spots out from her eyes as the pain in her arm began pulsing, gritted out “No, I’m fine.” She bit her lip, hard, to keep any tears from flowing.</p><p>Without her gauntlets, her powers were abusing her. She was looking forward to using them with the gun transfer because she wanted the pain, but ended up using them a lot more in the hospital.</p><p>Without looking under her sleeve she knew that there were bruises up and down her arms, showing all of the places where her arms had fractured. She gasped, then let the pain wash over as she counted to ten and let it engulf her body, making it worse. Making her pay.</p><p>“Daisy! What the hell!”</p><p>
  <em> He can’t know. </em>
</p><p>Bucky moved to sit down next to her. “That wasn’t me. There’s no way I hit you that hard. Daisy. Look at me.” He asked her, firm. She sighed and turned towards him, her vision blurry. “What happened to your arm?”</p><p>“Nothing,” she insisted, but she knew it was a losing battle. The pain was really bad and she’d consequentially lost a lot of her fight.</p><p>He grabbed her arm gently and rolled up her jacket sleeve before she could react, and she hissed at the onslaught of red those movements gave her.</p><p>She heard him take in a sharp breath at the purple and green her arm was covered in. “Daisy, what the hell-”</p><p>“My powers,” she groaned, letting her arm lay in Bucky’s lap. “Back at SHIELD I had gauntlets to keep it from damaging me- but they were embedded with trackers. Couldn’t- urgh- take them.”</p><p>“Fuck,” he breathed softly. She could tell he was pretty pissed she didn’t tell him, but restraining himself because she was in pain.</p><p>“Okay.” He stated, then looked at her, “I’ll get Tony to make you some gauntlets. But first we need to put you in casts so that your bones can heal-”</p><p>“They won’t,” she snapped at him, already regretting not fighting more when he’d lifted her shirt up. At least he didn’t find out about the starvation. She had enough muscle in her arms that she didn’t look too malnourished.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I- I dunno. FitzSimmons- a science team at SHIELD- said that my powers prevent my bones from coming together. They vibrate too much on a cellular level so they can’t form and reheal.”</p><p>“So- what, you’re not telling me you have to live with broken arms for the rest of your life!”</p><p>“No. Well. No.” She grunted, twisting herself up the couch, wincing at the explosion of pain that came with every movement. “They have specific bone healing pills.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s good, I’ll get Steve to ask-”</p><p>“These pills only work for me, as far as I know. If anyone here asks for them they’ll know I’m with you guys.”</p><p>“So- so what? Are we just giving up? C’mon, Daisy,” he retorted, frustration obvious.</p><p>“I- I think… “ she really was going to regret this decision, but she couldn’t think straight because of her throbbing, limp arm by her side. “Give me the SAT phone on the counter.”</p><p>He stared at her.</p><p>“I’m serious.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>He grabbed it and handed it to her. “Hold on.”</p><p>She fumbled with it with her non-dominant hand until she dialed in the number she needed.</p><p>It rang once before there was a breath and someone was speaking.</p><p>“Elena Rodriguez.”</p><p>“Hey. It’s me. It’s Daisy. I- I need your help.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Daisy gets worse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>uhhhhh Daisy's a hot mess<br/>It's only gonna get worse<br/>whoops</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, some violence</p><p>Nope I'm not dead yet! Luckily I had this chapter prewritten. I'm blind and need glasses that I can't get bc covid + I have diabetes and my pancreas broke and everything is hectic so no updates on my WIPS for awhile. That includes: 'One little Family', 'Start Over', 'As long as you need (I'm here)' and '100 oneshots (:'. Thanks for your patience!!!</p><p>https://www.google.com/url?q=https://ath2.unileverservices.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2019/02/beautybyrachelrenaepaz-curly-shaved-hairstyles-for-women.jpg&amp;sa=D&amp;ust=1593702976615000&amp;usg=AFQjCNHbBlADEwLyaKl2MN6vQ_G02vKflQ    &lt; People were asking what I imagined her hair to look like.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Whatever you need. I’ll get it. Are you okay?” Elena ran over her words a little.</p><p>“When’s your next check in to The Playground?”</p><p>“Tomorrow, actually.”</p><p>“Thank fucking god.” Daisy sighed. Bucky gave her a questioning look.</p><p>“Why? Where are you?”</p><p>“Can you steal some of the bone mending pills Jemma made for me? They should still be in the lab in the zephyr. They’re labeled Quake 5-7-3. Little orange bottles.” She grunted from the pain throbbing in her arm, sweat developing on her neck and forehead.</p><p>“Where are you?” Elena asked again.</p><p>“We’ll meet by a location I send you. Don’t bring anyone else. Don’t tell anyone else.”</p><p>“Daisy… How bad are your arms?”</p><p>“I’ll handle it. I just need the pills.”</p><p>There was no response for a minute. Then- “Okay. I’ll have them by the day after tomorrow.”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“We miss you, Daisy. Please-”</p><p>
  <em>Beep.</em>
</p><p>Daisy sighed and threw the phone onto the floor. </p><p>“Who was that?” Bucky asked.</p><p>“An old friend that doesn’t fully trust SHIELD. She can get me some pills. I just need to schedule a meetup.”</p><p>“Ah. So for now… just a cast and pain meds?”</p><p>“Please.” She told him gratefully.</p><p>“One sec.” He left the room to grab her stuff from the medbay.</p><p>She was really going to regret this decision. What if Elena told Mack? They seemed really close, almost romantically. Or May or Coulson?</p><p>She shifted her arm again, rolling around the joint in her elbow on purpose. The resulting pain made her gasp and see blind for a few seconds. With Bucky gone, she could suffer how she was meant to. </p><p>She kept shifting it around until she realized she hadn’t checked on May yet. She picked her laptop back off the coffee table and onto her lap, and pulled up The Playground feeds. May wasn’t in the medbay anymore- thank god. She shifted through the camera until she found her talking to Coulson in the hallway next to Vault D. May seemed to favor one side, but she was standing and in her usual workout gear. Daisy breathed a sigh of relief, momentarily losing her focus on her own pain. She switched on audio and smiled sadly at the sound of their voices.</p><p>
  <em>“She’s in Florida and New York at the same time? That’s not even possible.” Coulson's hands were in his pockets, and he was frowning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s not. But Hill told me that the Florida tip checked out. The New york one was from a witness that was about 20 feet away from the fight. She might’ve been mistaken.” May responded.  </em>
</p><p>Hill. Bucky must’ve gotten her to set up the face incident. Daisy wondered fleetingly if it painted her in a good or bad light. Not that it mattered.</p><p>
  <em> “Still. We should send someone to check it out.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I agree.” </em>
</p><p>“Oh, no.” Daisy said aloud. Sending someone to check it out most likely meant they were going to stop by at The Avenger’s Tower. Before she could follow their conversation anymore, Bucky came in waving bandages and medications around. </p><p>She closed her laptop reluctantly, because Bucky couldn’t know Coulson was alive. She began using her injured arm minimally again now that he was back.</p><p>“SHIELD is sending some to investigate around here, even though they seem to believe your fake out incident in Florida. Also, that happened really fast.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he responded as he began wrapping the white gauze around her arm. “I’ll keep an eye out today and tomorrow; steer em’ away. Also, about the staged fight, I called Hill before going to the hospital earlier. She’s got resources. Made it happen.”</p><p>“Does she know why? She’s May’s friend, I’m surprised she didn’t just tell her where I was.”</p><p>“They’re good friends, yeah, but I told her it was for a good reason. Hill’s reasonable, and she gets that sometimes hurt people need a long time away from their family.”</p><p>“<em>Team, </em>” She hissed as Bucky bent her elbow sharply to put on the cast.</p><p>He regarded her with a knowing stare, as if he didn’t believe her.</p><p>“Now.” She amended begrudgingly.</p><p>“Mmm.” He finished with the cast and handed her the painkiller pill bottle, along with her water. “For you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” she acknowledged, still a little irked at him for blatantly calling the people she'd left behind her family. She popped 2 small pills with a swig of water and set it back down on the coffee table, sighing.</p><p>“I guess we keep looking for related cases?” He asked.</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Where will you meet your contact?”</p><p>Daisy shifted uncomfortably, the pain ebbing a little under the medication. “I’m thinking LA. I- I have some other business to take care of there as well. I could hit two birds with one stone?”</p><p>Bucky nodded. “I can grab a quinjet, take you over there.”</p><p>“Sounds great, thanks.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p> </p><p>.o.</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the day passed by uneventfully; Daisy dreading that someone in her old team was going to be the person investigating the Tower. </p><p>She avoided eating Bucky’s lasagna, saying that she’d eaten a lot earlier and that she’d forgotten he was making it. He pouted but didn’t question it, to her surprise. Tony offered to make her a cooler, more techy cast, and then she and Bucky had a talking to from Steve. He mainly told them it was dangerous and that they needed more gear next time they confronted Skull Guy. He didn’t discourage them from pursuing him, though. </p><p>After they talked to Steve, Daisy shot Bucky a look. “That’s it?”</p><p>“What’d you expect?”</p><p>“To be in trouble for investigating the case on our own.” She shrugged.</p><p>Bucky was staring at her again, with that expression that showed he’d learned not to trust anyone. It was guarded and wary, but hopeful. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>He bit his lower lip. “It’s the first case I’m actively involved in.”</p><p>“Wait- like ever?”</p><p>“Steve would offer open cases sometimes. I couldn’t- I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t ready. So. I think he’s just glad I’m helping people. If that’s what we’re doing.”</p><p>“Oh. Thanks.”</p><p>“Mmm.”</p><p>After that she retreated back into her room, texting Elena to meet her in LA. Bucky had already wrangled them an SI quinjet to get there quickly. </p><p>Elena confirmed, adding a text to ask if Daisy was ok, which she ignored. After chugging 3 or 4 cups of water, Daisy fell asleep to the throbbing of her arm and the hunger pains in her stomach.</p><p>That night she slept fitfully, as usual. This nightmare involved Hive, but, for the first time in a while, it was blurry and she couldn’t remember exactly what memory it had been. She couldn’t tell if it was a good or a bad thing. From what Daisy could tell, she hadn’t set off any quakes in her sleep. She’d been getting better at controlling her powers while she was sleeping but she still sometimes lost control during bad dreams.</p><p>After she checked in on the base through her laptop, the entire morning was boring. Nothing new had popped up with the skull guy, and nobody bothered her.</p><p>At least for a little bit.</p><p>She was sitting at the foot of her bed, studying schematics of Bucky’s arm to sate her curiosity, when she heard a knock on her door. She got up, confused.</p><p>In front of her door stood (gorgeous) Natasha, in workout clothes. She stood there with her hand on her hip, not saying anything. Daisy waited there awkwardly for a moment, squirming under the assassin's neutral gaze.</p><p>She was harder to read than <em> May </em>.</p><p>Daisy hoped that she didn’t bring up their previous encounter. That would be an awkward conversation. Daisy took the bait. “... Yes?”</p><p>“I heard from Bucky about what happened with the man with the skull on fire. I figured you might need to hit something. Spar?”</p><p>“Oh. Uh. I have…” She waved her cast around.</p><p>“We can be careful with it."</p><p>“Then. Sure.” Daisy flushed. <em> That’s nice of her. </em>“Give me 5 minutes?”</p><p>“Sure. Also, Bobbi Morse is going to come up here while we’re sparring to make sure you’re not here.” With that, she walked away.</p><p>Daisy blinked after her. “Wait, what? <em> Natasha</em>?!”</p><p>She scrambled to throw on some loose athletic clothes on with a thick sweater on top, then followed after Natasha, who was waiting next to the elevator.</p><p>“Bobbi Morse… the ex-SHIELD agent?” They both walked into the elevator at the ‘Ding’.</p><p>“I’m assuming. She’s a friend of Mel’s. As you know, Bucky set up a fake incident to lead SHIELD to believe you were in Florida, and it worked, but Bobbi lives in New York and Mel asked her to check the tower out; make sure you weren’t hiding here.”</p><p><em> That’s who they were planning on sending. </em> Daisy smiled a little that Bobbi still kept in touch with May. She hadn’t seen Bobbi since, <em> god </em> , since before <em> Hive </em> . Bobbi had no idea what she’d done; what kind of monster she was. Also - <em> Mel? Who calls her Mel? </em></p><p>“What- Who met with her- What did you say-” Daisy hoped they didn’t say she was here. Steve promised… but she had enough experience with people breaking promises to trust that they almost never were kept.</p><p>“Hey, hey. Breathe.” She put a soft hand on Daisy’s wrist to steady her. “She met with Steve and Bucky. They said you weren’t here, but she still seemed suspicious, so they’re inviting her to take a tour of the building. I’m taking you up to my floor; I have a training area there.” </p><p>“Your<em> floor</em>?” </p><p>At that, the elevator doors opened to an apartment similar to Steve’s, except much much simpler and cleaner. </p><p>“Oh, wow.” </p><p>It was a wide open space similar to the commons but had a large bed surrounded by bookshelves on one side, with a full kitchen and dining area on the other side, and a living room and a workout space in the middle. There were translucent tan curtains over every window and white furry rugs and throw pillows carefully placed around the room. The walls were lined with photos and racks with guns and knives.</p><p>Just a regular New York apartment.</p><p>“I also had been planning on asking you to spar with me since we talked the day before yesterday.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Did you learn everything fight-wise from Melinda?”</p><p>“Yeah, basically,” Daisy responded as they moved into the training area. “She was my SO. But you knew that.”</p><p>“Mmhmm. She was mine too.”</p><p>“Uh- wait what? Really?” Daisy stared at her, her jaw dropped slightly. </p><p>May trained<em> the </em> Black Widow?</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“Damn.”</p><p>Natasha walked over to a punching bag and rested a hand on it. “Before we start, I want you to work this punching bag to let out any anger or pain you’re feeling. It’s not good to have those emotions suppressed when sparring.” She handed Daisy some tape for her hand.</p><p>“Right.” Daisy wrapped it around her left palm and knuckles and took a stance against the bag. “One armed punches?” she asked, indicating her cast. </p><p>“Yup. One more thing- I want you to say exactly what you’re letting go as you punch.”</p><p>“I- what?” Daisy gave a look to Natasha.</p><p>“It’s cathartic. It’ll help you expel bottled up emotions. I’ll steady the bag.”</p><p>“Uh. Okay.” She shrugged and prepped herself, noting that Natasha was studying her from her position holding the punching bag.</p><p>
  <em> Breathe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“Lincoln.”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“My fault.”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“Why did his heart stop beating and not mine?”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“Why did he have to suffer when he did nothing wrong?!”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“I could’ve given my life. I was supposed to pay for my mistakes, not him!”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“What-”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“Did-”</p><p>
  <em>Punch.</em>
</p><p>“He ever-”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“Do!”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“Sweet, funny, Lincoln.”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“He didn’t deserve the pain.”</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“I did.</p><p>
  <em> Punch. </em>
</p><p>“I <em> do </em>.”</p><p>Before she could throw another angry swing at the bag, Natasha’s hand made its way to her shoulder.</p><p>“Hey. Hey. <em> No </em>.”</p><p>Daisy stared at her, confused. She must’ve done it wrong, somehow. Except… Natasha’s eyes weren't angry or disappointed, but… concerned.</p><p>“Yeah?” She wiped her forehead with her hand not in a cast and then steadied it on her hip.</p><p>“It’s cathartic until it becomes self deprecating. We need to talk about this.”</p><p>“Woah. No. I thought we were sparring?” Daisy raised an eyebrow at her, her body itching to hit something.</p><p>“Not now. Sit.” Daisy sat uncertainly on a bench on the side of the mat, taking sips from a bottle Natasha handed her.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“What did you mean by that?”</p><p>Daisy racked her brain, searching through what she’d said to make Natasha upset. She hadn’t really been paying attention to the words coming out of her mouth.</p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>She’d basically said outright that she deserved pain and self harm.</p><p>
  <em> Stupid, stupid, stupid. </em>
</p><p>“I- I didn’t mean that. I wasn’t telling the truth. I was just caught up… I swear.”</p><p>“Why would you lie?”</p><p>“Um. To make it more… cathartic?” she tried.</p><p>“Daisy.” Natasha sat down next to her, still with a stoic face but compassionate eyes. “I suspected you were trying to commit minor self harm when I found you with bloody knuckles yesterday, but this… it proves it’s deeper than a training session gone too far. Pull up your sleeves.”</p><p>“What? No!”</p><p>“Why not?” </p><p>“Because… they’re all bruised up and there’s no point.”</p><p>“Then pull them up.”</p><p>Daisy shifted her gaze to the door, wondering if she could run out and claim she went to throw up. She did feel pretty nauseous at the turn of events.</p><p>Natasha must’ve seen her glance at the exit because she put a firm hand on her shoulder and repeated, “Then <em> pull </em> them <em> up </em>.”</p><p>Daisy swallowed, then gingerly wrapped up her sleeves to reveal her skinny arms covered in more purple and yellow than her usual peachy olive skin.</p><p>She watched as Natasha studied it, praying to god that she didn’t notice, didn’t even think to-</p><p>“Lift up your leggings. To your knees.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh no. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Oh, nonononono. </em>
</p><p>She made as if to move away but Natasha’s hand clamped down on her shoulders to pull her back down. </p><p>“I’ll do it for you if you refuse.”</p><p>Her breathing quickened considerably. Knowing she had no chance of escape against the ex-assassin, she swallowed and pulled her stretchy leggings up to her knees to reveal many thin, white scars rising up out of her skin and stretching down her leg.</p><p>“Holy shit.” Natasha gave a sharp breath and gently touched the sensitive, scarred skin. “How recently?” she asked, not looking up from her thighs. Daisy shifted uncomfortably on the bench. </p><p>“Not since a while before I came here. I don’t… I don’t feel like my hands are itching to find something sharp. Not- not anymore. After Lincoln- uh, my old- my old- friend.” She took a deep breath, begging herself not to break down and cry in front of this basically stranger. “After he, uh. Um. After him, I was still on withdrawal from this alien parasite called Hive that controlled you and your endorphins to make you enjoy serving him. For a while after, I heard his voice in my head. He would tell me to cut so that I could pay for the pain I caused.”</p><p>“You don’t hear him anymore?”</p><p>“No. Not for a couple of weeks. It’s been a month since it all happened.”</p><p>Natasha rolled Daisy’s leggings down and regarded her with steely eyes. “Does Melinda know?”</p><p>“May? No. Nobody. You’re the first one. And- uh- the last. I don’t do it anymore so… there’s no point in telling anybody.” She gave a hopeful look to her.</p><p>Natasha made a noncommittal noise, sparking fear in Daisy. “Just because you don’t cut anymore doesn’t mean you don’t want to do it, or you’re not doing it other ways. You just said that you deserve pain. What are you doing to fulfill that wish?” She mused. Daisy looked up and away from Natasha’s scrutinizing gaze, trying to control her panicked breaths.</p><p>Luckily, she didn’t have to respond before Jarvis let them both know that Bobbi had left. </p><p>Daisy shot up from the bench and entered the elevator, not looking at Natasha but at the floor. She could hear Natasha calling after her as the doors closed and she could breathe again.</p><p><em> What if she tells May? What if she tries to help or- or makes me eat or interferes with my punishment?! SHE DOESN’T GET IT, </em> Daisy’s mind screamed. <em> IT’S BALANCING THE SCALES OF THE WRONG I PUT OUT BY RECEIVING WHAT’S COMING TO ME. </em></p><p>She felt tears threatening to roll down her cheeks as the edges of her vision began to darken.</p><p>
  <em> Why did it have to be this way? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I just wanna go back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I just want Lincoln to hold me. I just want May, or Coulson, to tell me it’ll be okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Except they can’t. Because I’m a monster. </em>
</p><p>Daisy wiped her tears and stormed out of the now open elevator into the hallway, face red. In her room, she snatched a pillow and cuddled it, imagining that it was May, causing pain to shoot in her chest. </p><p>She focused on those images of May holding her, bringing them to the front of her mind so that the gaping chasm in her gut expanded. She pushed the thought into every conscious part of her brain, feeling the emotional sandpaper scratching at her mind.</p><p>It hurt. Like hell.</p><p>It was harming herself in a way that nobody would ever notice.</p><p>
  <em> Good. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>&lt;3 I feed off of comments</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Daisy goes to game night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>HEY IT'S SAM</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guess what?<br/>I literally broke down crying while I was writin' today (i got glasses, hurray!) because of how much love and support I've gotten! I've been on this site fore almost two months now, and I just... uh yeah *sniffle* there are so many lovely supportive people on here and on tumblr in the aos fandom. I can barely fathom how complete strangers read my words and... honestly, if I'd gotten my diagnosis before joining AO3 and tumblr, I would've been much more lost and alone but all of the comments, kudos, and views inspired me to keep writing even when I didn't want to. So yeah, love y'all!! Here's another early, long chapter as thanks!!</p><p>ALSO WTF WAS 7X06 LIKE ACTUALLY I'M DEAD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the day passed numbly. She waited and waited for someone to come to her room and handcuff her and tell her that she was SHIELD custody.</p><p>No one ever came.</p><p>After 4 or 5 excruciating hours of expecting someone to come grab her, to put her in one of those anti-suicide jackets, Jarvis let her know that it was mandatory game night.</p><p>
  <em> Mandatory- What? </em>
</p><p>She let Jarvis know that she wouldn’t be coming, which resulted in a snort- a literal <em>snort</em> from a <em> robot </em>- and him saying, “It’s not optional. Steve Rogers will drag you from your room physically unless you go downstairs. It's a pension for staying here.”</p><p>“Ugh.” Daisy grunted and moved from her curled up position for the first time in hours. “Alright.” </p><p><em> It’s better to wait playing games than to wait in silence. </em> She should at least enjoy herself if she was going to be taken in at any time. She sniffled and rubbed her hand over her face, stopping in the bathroom to freshen up and reapply her makeup. After the foundation and blush, she decided on a dark eyeshadow that made her look even more alien to herself. Back at SHIELD, she’d always kept makeup to a minimum.</p><p>She wasn’t at SHIELD anymore.</p><p>Keeping the same clothes she’d had on during training, she walked downstairs and almost jumped at the amount of noise coming from the common room.</p><p>There had to be at least 10 to 15 more people than there’d been at breakfast the day before. A few people chorused Hello at her as she made her way through the various Avengers eating and drinking. After a couple of panicked moments where she tried to find a quiet space away from all of the bustle, she found a short kid with strawberry blond hair sitting on one of the couches playing Animal Crossing on the display. “Hey,” she said, “Is anyone sitting here?” </p><p>He paused the game and looked up, an innocent smile on his face. “Nah.” </p><p>“Cool.” she slid onto the couch next to him, noticing that Bucky was in the kitchen, alternating between testing whatever food he was making and kissing Steve. She smiled a little at the sweet display of affection.</p><p>“I’m Peter.” <em> Oh. Tony’s not-son that Bucky was talking about. </em></p><p>“Daisy.” She gave him his hand and he shook it.</p><p>“Oh, you’re the girl that I ‘<em>don’t know bout</em>,’” he said with a wink.</p><p>“Uh. Yeah.” </p><p>
  <em> This cover doesn’t even matter if Natasha spills the beans to anyone. </em>
</p><p>“So what do you do?” She asked, feigning not knowing his identity.</p><p>“Well, if you’re here right now, Tony’s given you permission to know. I’m- I’m SpiderMan.”</p><p>“Cool.” She nodded a little.</p><p>They sat there in comfortable silence as she watched him play his game, intrigued, temporarily distracted from the pit of dread sitting heavy in her gut. She barely noticed when Tony came over and wrapped an arm around Peter.</p><p>“Hey, Hack. Guess you’ve met Peter.” She smiled at him and nodded. “I was gonna ask- people with the Rising Tide are legends. Can you take a look at Jarvis’ code? I think it’s pretty flawless, but. Wouldn’t hurt for you to take a second look. You can’t change anything, viewing access only, but you can let me know if something looks off or can be improved? Sorry, it’s not personal, but nobody gets editing access to Jarvis.”</p><p>Daisy refrained from saying that she could hack into Jarvis easily any day and instead smiled at him and answered, “That sounds great. And I get it. No one ever touches my laptop. Also, I’ve been meaning to ask you- I had a heart rate monitor at SH- with The Rising Tide. It helped me control my heart rate and emotions. Do you have one- um- lying around, or in the training room?”</p><p>“No, but SI developed some recently. I can grab one for you.”</p><p>“That would be great! Thank you!”</p><p>“Rose gold, silver, or grey?”</p><p>“Silver. Please.”</p><p>“Right. Well. Bucky was lookin’ for you, by the way.”</p><p>Daisy turned to see him still in the kitchen, chatting with some guy in some cosplay-lookin' blue robes. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Mmhm.”</p><p>She wove back through everybody and found Bucky cooking something that would’ve smelled delicious a month ago. Tacos, maybe? He gave a little wave as she walked up, continuing his conversation. “I’m tellin’ you, Strange. This guy felt like death. Like- magic death.”</p><p>The man, Strange(?), sighed. “I’ll check it out, but I maintain my stance. No book has ever mentioned him or anything like him.”</p><p>“Thanks.” They both turned to look at Daisy. Unsure, she stuck her hand out to Strange. “I’m Daisy Johnson.”</p><p>“Hello. Dr. Strange. You can call me Stephen.” He took her hand and shook it back, though she noticed that his hand was trembling a little. She didn’t remark on it.</p><p>“Tony said you wanted to see me?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. Nice eyeshadow look, by the way. I wanted you to meet Sam. He’s the Falcon.”</p><p>“'5 whipped cream bottles' Sam?” she asked him as Stephen walked away.</p><p>“Yes, ma’am.” she heard from behind her and turned to see a fun smirk on an african american man, with brown eyes that twinkled mischievously. Without meaning to, she felt her lips stretch into a smile. “Sam?”</p><p>“Wilson. The Falcon.” he confirmed. “You’re buddying up with Bucky?”</p><p>“Uh… yes? I guess?” She answered.</p><p>“Good. He needs a friend.”</p><p>“Thanks, Sam. I got plenty. But okay.” Bucky walked by, whipping something that looked like salsa.</p><p>“Aw, come on, Barnes. I’m more like the devil on your shoulder than a friend. And Steve is... your smooching partner, and Nat is your fellow assassin buddy. You need real friends.” Bucky rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Anyway.” Sam passed by them and opened one of the fridges and pulled out a box of donuts.</p><p>Bucky stared at him, visibly horrified. “I’m making fajitas with Pepp!”</p><p>“-And I’m hungry. You’re slow.”</p><p>“So you’re resorting to <em> donuts </em>?” he said the word as if it personally offended him.</p><p>“Resorting? More like upgrading.”</p><p>“Nice to know you think so highly of my food, Sam.”</p><p>“It’s not bad, but this is <em> donuts </em>!” He pointed out as he stuffed an entire, full sized pastry into his mouth. </p><p>“Disgusting,” Bucky muttered. </p><p>Sam turned to Daisy with a full mouth. “C’mon, kid. Donuts, am I right?”</p><p>“I’m not that hungry. Um.” She saw Bucky shoot her a look. “But tacos are good. So.”</p><p>“See? Some of us just aren’t impatient pigs, Sam.” Bucky snatched the box away from him and handed it off to Darcy, who was standing a ways away. “Take this to Pepper, will ya? <em>Some people</em> have no self control.” She nodded knowingly and trotted away.</p><p>“So, what did you need 5 bottles of whipped cream for?” she asked, genuinely curious. </p><p>“Ooh, wait till you hear this one.” Bucky remarked.</p><p>Sam’s neck and ears turned a little crimson before he turned to Daisy. “To feed Beni.”</p><p>“Beni?” She echoed. </p><p>“Benihana. His really obedient pet pigeon. His plan was to give the bird the cream and set it loose in Scott’s room. Scott’s got a temp room on the same floor as you. Stays in it when he visits.” Bucky chuckled.</p><p>“Scott?” She echoed again.</p><p>“Lang? Ant man.”</p><p>“Oh. Cool. Did the prank work?”</p><p>“No. Buck only got one carton and insisted on using it for pancakes this morning.” Sam pouted- yes, pouted- as he pulled out a box of sugar cubes from a cabinet and had one nearly to his mouth before it was stolen by Bucky.</p><p>Daisy had <em>many</em> questions, but decided to stick with the most important one. “You named your pigeon Benihana?”</p><p>“We- Nat and I- found it outside of a Benihana’s in Texas during an undercover mission. It wouldn’t stop following me around.”</p><p>“Alright. So then why are you called the Falcon? You’ve got a pet mascot pigeon, it makes more sense to be called The Pigeon. I mean, you’re based in New York City.” She pointed out.</p><p>“That’s what I said!” Bucky remarked, grabbing cheese from the fridge.</p><p>“Okay, look. I’m strong and stuff, okay? Like a Falcon. Not some… puny pigeon,” he said, with an air about his words revealing that he’d been on the losing side of this argument for quite some time.</p><p>“Maybe we can call you Benihana too,” Daisy mused. She was joking around with them naturally like they were Hunter or Trip, two people that had gotten screwed over at least partially because of her, and it scared her a little.</p><p>“Okay, okay. I get it. You adopt <em> one bird </em>…”</p><p>“Guys, ready for the smash bros tournament?” came a shout from over by the hangout area. A short cheer erupted from the collected avengers as they all moved over to the couches. Bucky and Pepper stayed in the kitchen to continue cooking. </p><p>“Need help?” she asked, resting her hands on the kitchen island. </p><p>“No. Thank you though!” Piper told her kindly. “You should go join them.”</p><p>Daisy shrugged and made her way over to everyone lounging on the floor or the sofas and beanbags. Uncomfortable and out of place for a moment, she breathed a sigh of relief when Steve moved over to give her a spot leaning on the edge of the couch. She politely declined the beer he offered her and situated herself to watch the first 5 play. </p><p>Everyone was shouting encouragement at Darcy, Peter, Jane, Tony, and Loki, who she recognized from the SHIELD database and pictures Coulson had shown her.</p><p>Oh, <em>Loki.</em></p><p>Daisy felt a small burst of fury at the man, remembering how he’d almost cost Coulson his life. He <em>did</em> cost Coulson his life. She knew he was being manipulated by some infinity stone, and was now declared a hero after helping the avengers on missions, but she still felt residual anger harbored at him for stabbing Coulson. If not for TAHITI and Coulson coming back, she had no idea where she’d be. Dead, probably. Her old Rising Tide position brought a lot of enemies to her old van.</p><p>As a cheer erupted from everyone, signifying that Peter had won, he stayed in the game and 4 others took the loser’s place. Daisy smirked as she saw everyone fail spectacularly at it. She was fairly good at the game, having played Fitz hundreds of times while he was recovering from hypoxia, then with Mack once they’d become partners, and was sure she could beat them easily.</p><p>After a couple of rounds, a reserved man with glasses came up next to her. “Hey,” He waved a little. “Hi. Daisy Johnson,” she introduced herself. </p><p>“Banner, Bruce Banner.” </p><p>
  <em> Oh. Simmons likes you. </em>
</p><p>“Fuck!” She heard Steve yell from his spot, having lost a life. A couple of the avengers booed and shouted, ‘Language!’. </p><p>“You kiss your mother with that mouth, Rogers?” Sam called out. </p><p>“Nah. He kisses me though.” Bucky made his way over to Steve and grabbed his face and kissed him, leaving the Captain to drop his controller and forget about the game. A couple of cheers came out from the group as they began making out.</p><p>“Get a room, gramps.” Sam muttered with a smirk.</p><p>Daisy made a face, happy that the two super soldiers seemed so at ease and at home. She felt a sudden rush of jealousy that she couldn’t have that, but then reminded herself that it was her own fault she couldn’t have that, so she had no right to be jealous.</p><p>“How are things going?” Bruce asked her over the clamor. </p><p>“Pretty good, at the moment,” she answered honestly. She felt comfortable surrounded by the various people fooling around. It helped to lift some of the dread she was feeling. She sort of understood why Steve made this mandatory for the heroes; it was a good way to forget about all of the problems and missions for a night.</p><p>“That’s good.” They lapsed into a comfortable silence, watching Peter dominate for the 3rd time in a row. She chuckled at the low powered moves the other avengers were playing, then stopped when she noticed Peter looking at her. </p><p>“You wanna play?” he cocked his head like a puppy.</p><p>“Oh- uh-”</p><p>“The new girl should play!” Thor boomed. “I shall play as well.”</p><p>“Uh wait- I have a cast-”</p><p>“Nonsense,” Loki told her. “We played with James when his arm was getting fixed. Everyone will play one armed!” he announced. Everyone got even more excited at the challenge.</p><p>
  <em> James? Oh, Bucky. </em>
</p><p>Without being given much of a choice, she was pushed into the center, handed a controller, and characters were being selected. She decided to go with Jiggly Puff. It was a useful character, and cute to boot. She noticed Peter picking Link for the fourth time, and Thor picking some character she didn’t recognize. The other two players, a young man and woman, she didn’t know, but they both picked low powered characters as she smiled.</p><p>
  <em> This is going to be easy.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> These bitches have no idea how many times I played against Coulson after he lost his arm and insisted that Mack and I play the same way. </em>
</p><p>Straight from the beginning, she began with her usual tactic of staying up high on the floating platforms and attacking from above, rather than being stranded below or near the edge of the map. This way, she quickly wiped out Thor, who laughed goodnaturedly, then the woman, then the man. They both smiled at their immediate demise and watched as Daisy and Peter had a face off. Within a little twisting of the remote in her hand and a rapid jamming of the buttons, she raised her controller in victory.</p><p>“Good game,” Peter grinned, holding his hand up for a high five. She responded readily and laughed with the others as they began talking and picking new people to take the losers place. </p><p>Loving the fun nature of the group, but wanting some peace and quiet, she handed her controller to Peter and slipped out of the loud group and into the library area, where the noise faded to a nice background murmur. She deeply breathed in the thick silence, feeling a little headache coming on, then decided to browse the books a little.</p><p>Shortly after finding a title of ‘Death and its permanence (And how to accept it)’, she ran head first into Stephen. “Oh, uh. Hey, Dr. Strange. Magic guy?” She remembered what Bucky had said. “The <em>main</em> magic guy?”</p><p>He smiled at her. “Master of the mystic arts. Portals, and enchantments. It’s more science than magic.”</p><p>“You sound like my old friend Simmons. ‘Magic is just science we don’t understand yet.’” she muttered.</p><p>“It’s true. Are you alright? You seemed fairly flustered when you walked away.” </p><p>She shrugged. “It just got a little loud.”</p><p>“Mm. Apologies. Did Steve force you down here?”</p><p>“Well, yeah, but I’m glad I came,” she told him honestly. “It’s really fun.”</p><p>“That’s good. Ms. Johnson, I need to tell you something.” He told her abruptly. </p><p>Daisy paled, turning to him. This was it. This was the moment she’d been waiting for all day. Natasha told him and who knows who else that-</p><p>“Calm down, Daisy.” She briefly forgot her panic as his red cloak reached up a corner and patted her on the shoulder. </p><p>“The <em> hell </em>?”</p><p>He smiled at her confusion. “It’s sentient. An artifact. Cloak of Levitation.” he offered as an unsufficient explanation. She just stared at the red cloth currently trying to soothe her, then brushed it off her shoulder uneasily. </p><p>“Uh. What did you need to tell me?”</p><p>“Natasha informed me of your… past habits, and your history at SHIELD.” Daisy stilled, making eye contact with him, holding at bay the tears that were threatening to break. He was going to send her back, to SHIELD, with some new director and her old team and-</p><p>“Before you begin panicking, let me assure you that neither Natasha nor I will tell anybody else of what she discovered.” </p><p>Daisy stared at him, confused but relieved. “Then why-?”</p><p>“In case you begin again, or are harming yourself in any other way, I need to be kept in the loop because of my ability to find you at a moment's notice.”</p><p>“Because of magic? Are you my suicide hotline?” she tried to joke, but it came out flat.</p><p>“If you want to call it that.” he told her simply. “I can make portals to you at any time. Natasha came to me because she wanted someone to watch over you.” </p><p>Daisy felt furious and warm at the same time. On one hand, Natasha dove straight into her personal life and told another person secrets she had no right to share. But on the other hand, she evidently cared about Daisy, and she’d only known her for a couple of days. Even with her connection to May, Daisy was surprised she’d asked for someone to look after her. Then she realized what it meant.</p><p>“So if I… cut, you’ll know?” She asked.</p><p>He looked at her intently. “Yes.”</p><p><em> Aw, fuck. At least I haven’t wanted to cut in a little while. </em> “But you’re not going to tell?”</p><p>“No. Unless I find you harming yourself.”</p><p>“Sounds good.” She tried to keep her voice nonchalant. She might not be able to make herself bleed anymore, but she was sure Strange wouldn’t notice if she continued to starve herself. He wouldn’t be able to tell if she was <em> not </em> doing something, right?</p><p>“Glad you understand.” He looked at her for a moment, then turned away. </p><p>“It’s November twentieth,” he called, just before he left. Daisy blinked after him. <em> Why did he say that? Is something important happening today? </em></p><p>She flipped through the holidays in her mind, then realized that it was goddamn<em> November 20th</em>. Two days before May’s birthday. </p><p>Before she got a chance to really think about it, her SAT phone buzzed and Elena let her know that she’d picked up the bone mending pills. She told Elena to meet her in LA the next day, like she and Bucky had agreed upon.  </p><p>After sending Elena the address of a cozy cafe, she found a number she knew by heart. <em> Polly Hinton. </em></p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p><b>You:</b> Hello!</p><p><b>UNKNOWN: </b>Who is this?</p><p><b>You: </b>This is the SHIELD agent that interviewed you back in July. Daisy. The one who relocated you.</p><p><b>UNKNOWN:</b> What’s wrong? Is our location compromised?</p><p><b>You:</b> No, but I do need to meet. I have something for the little bird from Charlie.</p><p><b>UNKNOWN: </b>How do I know it’s you?</p><p><b>You:</b> In one of his visions, I saw you crying out of your left eye during your interview, then saw it again during the interview.</p><p><b>UNKNOWN:</b> Where do we meet?</p><p><b>You:</b> LA, tomorrow. I’ll send you more details closer to the time for your safety. Bring the little bird.</p><p><b>UNKNOWN:</b> Okay.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Daisy closed her phone and walked back out to the open area to see everyone more widely dispersed again, eating beef fajitas. </p><p>Daisy let Steve know that she wasn’t feeling well in order to get out of eating, but Bucky still sent her back to her room with two thick tacos. She pretended as if she was excited to eat them, then told him about the meeting with Elena the next day. He agreed to accompany her on the quinjet there, then she headed towards the elevator. </p><p>While waiting, she looked around the room and saw Sam and Bucky physically fighting over a beanbag; sitting on top of one another aggressively, with Steve trying to pry them apart. Stephen was talking to Thor and Tony, and she could see from Tony’s flurry of his arms that he was trying to look intimidating despite his short stature. Over by the VR training area, she noticed Natasha talking to Darcy. The redhead looked up and gave a small smile to Daisy, while continuing the conversation with Darcy. Daisy responded back with a nervous smile, as if to say, <em> Thank you. Mostly. I’m pretty upset you told a wizard that can see anytime I self harm, but at least you didn’t tell Steve, or Bucky, or my old team. </em></p><p>
  <em> So thanks for that. </em>
</p><p>The doors opened and ‘Ding’ed behind her, so she broke eye contact with Natasha and headed into the elevator, feeling fairly light and happy for the first time since leaving SHIELD. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I read every comment!!! Even if I didn't respond (sowwy) RL is hectic rn. But I promise I read and cherish every single comment!! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Daisy hangs out with Tony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hahah Tony</p><p>Also I posted two chapters today, so if you haven't read the previous one... you should go do that and then read this one. (:</p><p>Also, NOW IS THE TIME TO COMMENT WHO YOU WANT DAISY TO GET WITH AT THE END OF THIS FIC. 'NOBODY' IS AN OPTION, AS IS PIPER, SIMMONS, AND ROBBIE. COMMENT NOW BC I'M LITERALLY WRITING THE CHAPTER THAT DECIDES HER RELATIONSHIP. &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gonna b honest this was literally a just for fun chapter.<br/>It's not filler, it's important, but it's mostly fluff.</p><p>but guys.... </p><p>daisy is not ok</p><p>yet</p><p>trust moi</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Back in her room, she texted Elena on an encrypted line on the sat phone, remembering about May’s birthday and quickly formulating a plan in her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Against all sane logic, she was going to get her old mentor an anonymous gift. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> Will you be at the base on the 20th?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>UNKNOWN:</b>
  <span> Yes to visit Shotgun-Axe</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> I gotta ask for another favor</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> I need to pass a package along to the Calvary when we meet</span>
</p><p>
  <b>UNKNOWN:</b>
  <span> Why? Don’t you want her to not know where you are?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> It’ll be anonymous</span>
</p><p>
  <b>UNKNOWN:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> It’s her birthday</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> Don’t say anything or do anything because nobody else knows except for Coulson and may’ll know i told u</span>
</p><p>
  <b>UNKNOWN:</b>
  <span> Okay. Thats new</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> I’ll pass the package 2 you when you hand me the pills</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> Then you’ll yoyo it into May’s room and leave it on her bunk while she's off doing something.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> She can’t know it was from you either or she’ll connect the dots</span>
</p><p>
  <b>UNKNOWN: </b>
  <span>That’s sweet</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> I guess</span>
</p><p>
  <b>UNKNOWN:</b>
  <span> I’ll do it. Same address?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You: </b>
  <span>Yea</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> You’re not gonna be on a plane or a train or a place with security anytime soon, rt?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>UNKNOWN:</b>
  <span> Dios mío</span>
</p><p><b>UNKNOWN:</b> Please tell me the gift isn’t a bomb</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> no. May be a weapon tho</span>
</p><p>
  <b>UNKNOWN:</b>
  <span> Okay. Mack is picking me up in a quinjet, so no ^^^</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the daylight was spent peacefully, updating the specs on her laptop and fiddling with the new drone from target, all the while thinking about May’s birthday.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a huge risk. May was a ninja. Like, a literal ninja. She would suspect, maybe even assume it was from Daisy. But even then, she wouldn’t have a way to trace it to Daisy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just really wanted May to receive something special. She’d missed both of her previous birthdays- the first one, she didn’t know existed. She wasn’t really friends with May back then. The second one had happened while she was in the prison cabin, when she first developed powers. She hadn’t been able to contact May, and then was kidnapped by Gordon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This year, she wanted her old mentor to feel special on her birthday, even if she would miss it again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what would I get her?” she asked aloud as the drone flew into the wall. “Ah, shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if answering her question, Jarvis called Daisy and let her know that Tony had her watch ready in the 14th floor laboratory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shot a confused look at the ceiling. “Uh- why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you asked for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but, it’s like, eleven at night,” she said, checking her laptop’s clock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tony tends to work at night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy shrugged. “I’m not feeling too tired right now, anyway,” she muttered as she tried to find her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled on a large cozy sweater, having to maneuver weirdly to get her cast through, then decided she was too lazy to put shoes on and padded softly in some fuzzy socks down to the 14th floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the doors opened, the elevator’s bright light illuminated a large, cold, dark space filled with a mess of desks, large cabinets, various lab equipment and machines, some rolling chairs, and in the center of it all sat Tony, with 3 or so lamps arranged to beam onto his work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy crept in, careful to avoid stepping on any papers strewn across the tiled floor. She stood in the darkness as the doors closed behind her, leaving the only source of light to be the gigantic windows that replaced any walls, and Tony’s workspace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood there quietly, not wanting to disturb him, and he quickly noticed her and beckoned her over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, kid. Here’s your watch.” He handed a thin, wide, and plain silver band to her. She slid it carefully over her wrist and marveled as a small hologram screen appeared a little above the metal. “Thanks,” she said, admiring it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You're also kind of a test subject. Let me know if it starts acting weird, I’ll find the bug and fix it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is pre released?” Daisy asked, flustering a little at holding a legendary sample of SI technology. She couldn’t wait to get her hands on the inner workings of it later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup. I haven’t really developed a manual for it, but basically,” he grabbed her wrist and began tapping at the screen, “A double tap turns it on or off. A swipe will get you to your apps menu, which can house music, messages, emails, and calls. You can connect it to your computer to download stuff. Here is the stuff you asked for on this up swipe; heart rate and pedometer and whatnot.” He pushed her wrist back to her and gave a smug smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him. “You fit all of that in it- how? Where’s the hardware?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged nonchalantly. “My secret. And also, I got you a phone. Also a test product. It’s got all of the avengers’ contacts prerecorded but I’m betting you’ll want to change them to nicknames. Oh, and it’s hooked up to the same 5g family plan the rest of these squatters are on. I know you’re in hiding so it’s 100% untraceable. I made sure. Nobody you text will find out any info about you unless you give it to them. That includes your number.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” she told him again with a surprised smile. “I- I don’t know how to repay you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, kid. I do it because I love tinkering, not for a reward. In fact,” he swiveled his chair so his whole body was facing her, “Any other projects or ideas you want me to try and design?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy stared at him, about to say no, when she realized something that would be perfect to ask him to make.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you- make, like, an ICER that turns into a dagger? Like, a high- tech dagger that leaks a dendrotoxin when it pierces skin? Like, one tiny stab or scrape and the enemy is out cold. And- uh- maybe, by tomorrow?” She asked, wondering if it was too demanding to put a time limit on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony seemed to ponder that idea. “That’s a good one, but I’d need the schematics for an ICER and the components of the dendrotoxin if you’d want it by tomorrow. That doesn’t leave enough time to rebuild it from scratch. We don’t have those here; SHIELD’s top scientists in R/D made it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>AKA, FitzSimmons.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy smirked. “I can get you into SHIELD’s database for the schematics easily.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared at her. “If you can,” he said in awe, “I’ll owe you, like, a thousand watches. Maybe more. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nobody </span>
  </em>
  <span>has been able to pierce their firewall yet, not even me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of saying, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah, because I built it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she just asked, “You’ve been trying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged shamelessly. “We want their secrets.” Then he looked at her, squinted, and smiled. He then rolled away from his desktop computer and allowed her to replace him and begin messing with the keyboard. “Be my guest,” he told her with a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After getting him in (with only one usable hand for typing), he geeked out for a little while, then began putting together the dagger, often running off without a word to grab some material or another. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While occasionally offering advice as to what the dominant hand of the owner was, (Ambidextrous, but mostly right), the length of it (10 inches? Maybe?), and color preferences (Black with a purple sheen), she ran through Jarvis’ code, staring in awe at the complexity of the AI. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she’d finished that, she thumbed through her phone, switching people’s contacts. She decided to continue texting Elena on the sat phone, since explaining a new contact would be hard, and Elena wouldn’t likely believe her. Same with Polly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Daisy REDACTED -&gt; Skynet</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark -&gt; vry smol genius</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky Barnes -&gt; Chef assassin</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Sam Wilson -&gt; Benihana</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Dr. Strange -&gt; Suicide hotline</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter Parker -&gt; Spider Fluff</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Natasha Romanoff -&gt; Big scary spider</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Bruce Banner -&gt; Jemma’s green idol</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>More than once, Tony had grabbed a tub of ice cream and taken one bite of it before setting it to the side and forgetting all about it, resulting in 4 or 5 tubs of milkshake sitting on his desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy didn’t realize that they’d been sitting together for hours until she realized she could see what the whiteboard said on the opposite wall. (See, not understand.) She looked out the window and saw as the sun peeked out over the many skyscrapers and smiled involuntarily at the beauty of the sunlight through all of the windows in the chill morning air. She snuggled into her sweater a little better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, Tony.” Daisy poked him in the arm to get his attention. “We’ve been here all night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yeah, I do that. Pepp’s gonna kill me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not your fault. If you hadn’t been here, I still would’ve worked all night, just maybe not on something as fun.” He smirked at her, then tossed her the dagger with its cover on. She caught it easily and admired the smoothness and perfect balance it had. </span>
  <span>“It’s almost done, I just need an hour to finish putting in the chamber to hold the dendrotoxin bullets. It’ll use the same one as an Icer gun, for convenience.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great, thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One question- who’s it for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him. “Uh- me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They maintained eye contact as Tony chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Obviously</span>
  </em>
  <span> not. You’re left handed. It’s in a cast. Who’s it for?” He repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh. He noticed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“An old mentor of mine. It’s her birthday tomorrow. The gift will be anonymous,” she caved, figuring that she at least owed Tony some info considering he’d been working on the thing for 8 hours straight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<em>Aw</em>,” he smirked again. She rolled her eyes. “Then you should tell her that the dagger’s got a little vibranium in it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snapped her head away from the dagger to meet his eyes. “Like- <em>Captain America shield</em> vibranium?” she choked out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, as if he hadn’t just put a little of the world’s strongest and lightest metal into a dagger for a stranger. “That’s the one! Should make it so that the dagger lasts for years and years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gaped at him. He shifted in his rolling chair and looked at the ceiling with a grin, his hands clasped across his chest. “Don’t look at me like that. I was given a lot for personal projects as a gift from Wakanda after helping them this one time when this crazy-ass alien came down and-.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continued staring at him as he rambled, feeling a little warmth blossom in her from the kindness this famous playboy had shown in trusting her with some of the rarest and coolest shit in the west, even though she’d obviously lied about who it was for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finished his story with a big spoonful of the now warm ice cream soup. She would’ve been able to freeze it back up had he known about her abilities. Instead she just giggled softly at the man’s lack of pickiness of the state of his ice cream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she told him sincerely. He waved it off with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before they could continue talking, a ‘Ding’ let them know that Pepper had walked in looking positively badass in her cute white blouse and grey pencil skirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh oh,” Tony muttered. He pushed the ice cream far away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jarvis, lights.” She commanded. Both Tony and Daisy winced at the sudden brightness that didn’t come from a screen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you two doing down here all night?” she asked, not looking too surprised that Daisy was there. She felt vaguely like a little kid being berated by the principal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, making a dagger?” Tony held up Daisy’s arm, which still held the sharp purple blade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More like, corrupting another young one?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Young one?!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… ?” Tony answered. Daisy guessed that the other one Pepper was referring to was Peter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you eat anything at all?” Pepper asked. Daisy felt Tony shift next to her as he covered up the melted ice cream with his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tacos?” Daisy lied. She had a feeling she would be in just as much trouble as Tony if Pepper discovered the ice cream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From where?” Pepper raised an eyebrow at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bucky? He gave me two before I left last night.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She furrowed her brow at Daisy, then her cast, before turning to Tony. “We have a meeting with Talbot and Mace today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mace? That’s the new director, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she realized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony grunted affirmatively, and she softened her stern face into a grin and walked over and pecked him on the cheek. “I love you,” she said. “Love you too,” he murmured, looking like a haughty puppy. Daisy fought the urge to laugh as Pepper turned to her. “You look responsible. More than he is, at least. Can you make sure he eats a little before you two finish up here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy smiled inwardly at the sad irony. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Her,</span>
  </em>
  <span> making sure someone else was</span>
  <em>
    <span> eating</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hilarious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, mildly afraid of what would happen if she said no. Pepper smiled warmly at her, then walked off to the elevator, still waiting for her. Daisy smiled as she left. She really liked the lady. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pepper Potts -&gt; Badass femme CEO</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After she was gone, Daisy turned to see a sheepish Tony. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway. I want to keep my head on my shoulders today, so why don’t you head to the commons and grab us some food. I’ll keep working on the chamber.” She nodded gratefully and went to the elevator, ready to wait. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” she heard behind her. “There are stairs over there. If Pepp is going up to the penthouse, you might not get the elevator back for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she flushed, then walked over to a door labeled stairs; she opened it, then marveled at the sight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stairs were attached to the building on one side, then were surrounded by pure glass on all other sides. It was beautiful as the sunrise filtered through the steps. She smiled, and began taking the stairs up two at a time the whole 6 flights up, remembering how little she’d been exercising. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt faint at the top, and was starving, but smiled at the internal punishment, knowing Strange would have no idea. That thought felt exhilarating. Pushing open the door, she noticed an obvious absence of Bucky. A young, pretty, red haired lady (who couldn’t possibly be more than 20) and Sam were working on making pancakes. There was a stack of them a foot or so high, and Sam was mixing two more large bowls of batter. Feeding the 10 to 30 people usually living in the tower was evidently a feat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They, plus Darcy in the library, were the only ones awake in the commons. Checking her new watch, she noticed it was around 6 in the morning. “Hey, Benihana. Y’all are up early,” she remarked as she walked over to the kitchen, relishing the quiet after the busy night the day before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Making breakfast-” Sam grunted as he snatched a spatula away from the red haired girl’s hands. “And so are you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Wanda Maximoff,” the girl introduced herself casually with a (Russian? Polish?) accent as she slapped Sam over the head with an oven mitt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you,” she said as she ducked under the two of them and, uneasy, opened the fridge. Steve had said she had access to anything, but she still felt uncomfortable just opening the fridge and taking things casually, as if she belonged there. It gave her a sense of permanence that made her nervous.</span>
</p><p><span>“Sam!</span> <em><span>ти, маленька сука, дай мені мій епатажний шпатель</span></em><span>!” </span><span>she heard Wanda yell from behind her and heard a slapping noise. From her old language studies with May, she could figure that the girl was speaking Ukranian, and said something along the lines of ‘<em>You dumbass, give me my spatula!</em>’. </span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sokovian ethnicity, maybe? Would explain her relation to the avengers,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Daisy thought as she snatched some leftover tacos with her free arm and awkwardly wrapped them up in some paper towels she found under the sink, taking care not to slam her cast into anything. The pain was already numb and throbbing, she didn’t want it to get worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t wait for those goddamn pills.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned around just in time to see Wanda’s eyes grow red and a red glowy blob appear around the spatula still in Sam’s hand. It pulled the tool swiftly out of Sam’s grip and bonked his head with it. The blob then handed it to Wanda and disappeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah. So that’s what she does.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam rubbed his head, swore profusely, and started mixing the pancake mix again crossly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was this a willing partnership, or?” she asked them, amused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have randomed chores list,” Wanda explained, her grammar slightly incorrect. “There are very little since there is maids that come once a week to do our rooms and every day to do commons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought Bucky did the cooking?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighed. “Yeah. but the list puts backups in case he can’t. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lucky me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I’m with little miss ‘pancakes don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> that much sugar, in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sokovia</span>
  </em>
  <span> it was traditional </span>
  <em>
    <span>without</span>
  </em>
  <span> any sugar’!” He mocked, replicating Wanda’s accent accurately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She briefly wondered what had happened to Bucky before Sam turned to Daisy, a manic look in his eyes. “What kind of pancakes don’t have sugar?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None!” Darcy yelled happily from somewhere in the library.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy just shrugged, smiling, not willing to join the fight. Personally, the only pancakes she’d ever truly liked were Coulson’s blueberry ones that Jemma sometimes managed to make glow in the dark. She reluctantly pushed away a developing memory filled with laughter and splattered batter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t ever going to have them again, so it didn’t really matter to reminisce. </span>
  <span>She prepared to leave, but Sam asked her if she wanted breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ate ice cream with Tony,” she lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<em>Healthy</em>. Why Tony?” He inquired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was working with him all night.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, get some sleep, girl. Also, can you ask him if I can grab the new wings from R/D yet and test them? Been meaning to try them out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” She walked back down the stairs, careful not to drop the tacos out of her one good hand. She shouldered open the door and told Stark, “Here we go! Tacos for one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For one?” He asked as he snatched the tacos away from her and began aggressively, but neatly, eating them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had some food upstairs,” she fibbed. He nodded and continued crunching down on his food. “Oh, uh, the dagger’ll be finished in an hour. It’s in that cooling area over there,” he pointed. “Then you can come by and grab it anytime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, again.” She told him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled. “For the last time, it was nothing. I owe you, honestly. You got me some SHIELD specs and you lied to keep me from dying with Pepper.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In fact,” Tony swiveled around and grabbed a strip similar to Daisy’s watch, but more of a gray, and in a thin, long, high tech glass box. “To say thank you for that, here you go. A second watch. For combat, and it's waterproof and the whole shebang. You can keep it to switch it out for color, or give it to your old mentor with the Icer knife. I can tell you care about her a lot; dagger’s a thoughtful gift, so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, looking at the watch in surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not as new as your prototype, I didn’t wanna give her something that might not work super well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at him and pocketed it, knowing he wouldn’t want yet another thank you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, Benihana- sorry, <em>Sam</em>- asked if he can test his wings yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Abso-fucking-lutely not. He’s a walking disaster that can sometimes fly. We have to make them sturdier first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They discussed Jarvis’ code a little more, then Daisy left once the dagger was ready to go take a shower and prepare the gifts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She texted Elena with her good hand on her sat phone to let her know that she had obtained the present, then texted Bucky, still a little worried after Sam had said he couldn’t do breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Couldn’t. Not wouldn’t.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet: </b>
  <span>This is Daisy, got a phone from Tony. you ok?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet: </b>
  <span>Benihana told me that u couldn’t make breakfast…  </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> Nvm now i feel like i overanalyzed his words</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> Ignore me</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin:</b>
  <span> Ur good</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin:</b>
  <span> I wasn’t feeling well</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin:</b>
  <span> earlier woke up and had mild panic attack now im ok</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin:</b>
  <span> Idk y he didn’t tell u it’s not like it’s a secret</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> oh im sorry</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> Ur with Steve?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin:</b>
  <span> Ya</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet: </b>
  <span>Something to cheer you up tho you may know already</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> I had friends that shipped you and Steve together before either of you even got out of the ice</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> They still hardcore ship you</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin:</b>
  <span> Aw</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin:</b>
  <span> Steve said they’d better </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> haha</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> You still good to go to Cali to get the pills?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin:</b>
  <span> Course</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Chef assassin: </b>
  <span>Leaving at 11 rt? in the flight garage</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet: </b>
  <span>yup</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> glad ur ok</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wanda Maximoff -&gt; little red witch bitch</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In her room, Daisy placed the glass box with the watch and the smooth, black wood box containing the dagger and its sheath. She peeled any leftover fingerprints left from Tony off of the items, then found some nondescript packaging paper and tape in a supply closet tucked into a corner of the bathroom. She wrapped it neatly (despite the cast) in some blue cleaning gloves from under her sink to avoid prints, then delicately put it in one of the empty grocery bags from Target. Along with the gift, she delicately placed in a chipped up wooden robin from Charlie, Polly’s late husband.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling down on the bag, she suppressed worries of May discovering who it was from and instead decided to take a shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After rinsing herself off and reapplying her fairly heavy makeup along with some false freckles, she tossed her dirty clothes into the laundry chute and picked out an outfit to wear to LA.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It needed to be inconspicuous and normal. Daisy sighed. She threw a dark grey beanie, a pair of silver rimmed sunglasses, a maroon hoodie, a plain white T-shirt, and dark ripped jeans onto her bed; then tried it all on. She looked in the mirror of her bathroom once she was done, smiling at how different she looked. The short hair, the makeup, the cast, and even the not-black-catsuit-and-scarf outfit looked different than anything she ever would’ve worn before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock on the door rang through the apartment and she walked over to get the door, checking her watch. 10:54. She grabbed the grocery bag, opened the door, and cheerfully smiled at Bucky, excited to finally get rid of the pain in her goddamn arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready? You got what you need for both missions?” She nodded and swept past him and into the hallway, explaining the present and what it was animatedly. Once she was done, they were already in the garage below the one with cars. This one had quinjets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He beamed at her. “She’ll love it. Though I’m sure she’d rather have you safe and home than that-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy interrupted him, not wanting him to spoil her unusual good mood. “She’ll probably inspect it a bajillion times, because it’s anonymous, then figure it was from Natasha or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” They boarded one of the closer, smaller quinjets and Bucky flicked on the autopilot in the cockpit. “Attach the bag and yourself to the seats,” he told her, strapping himself in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve ridden a quinjet bef-” It was then that she realized the last jet she’d touched had burst into flames in space, taking Lincoln with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She mentally slapped at the memories of that day. They were some of her most suppressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked, frowning. Daisy remembered to breathe again and shakily clasped her seatbelt across her chest. If she answered his question truthfully he would probably throw her in a mental hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I just... It’s attached to sad memories of my old team,” she told him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Understatement of the year.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She desperately willed her good mood to come back and ease the pain, let her function properly again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn't for a while.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Daisy finds the Ghost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Holy shit guys. Holyyyy shit I'm almost done writing this goddamn story (also, it might be more than 20 chapters)</p><p>&lt;3</p><p>also I'm getting a new laptop for the first time in 6 years and I'm so excited to type on it!! Will def be writing even more then (:</p><p>Omg I love everybody in this fandom jsykkk</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm bopping to some angsty music while I write chapter 19... so you have that to look forwards to.</p><p>ANGST! but not yet</p><p>Honestly guys you thought Daisy hit rock bottom? Nah</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The tradeoff with Elena was successful. It was in a wide open park near a cafe. The woman made a few unacknowledged remarks on Daisy’s hair as she passed by to do the drop of May's package, then handed her the pills. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five were in her mouth before she even got back to the quinjet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She deserved punishment, but pain inhibiting her movements couldn’t be called that anymore. She still needed to be able to carry out basic functions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The meet with Polly and Robin Hinton was fine as well, and Polly thanked her for the wooden robin and the money she’d given the pair. She just smiled and slipped away, happy to have kept her promise to Charlie.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>One less ghost haunting me,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thought. Some of her foul mood had slipped during the two excursions in the warm sun, and she was feeling already much lighter on their way back to the Avengers Tower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were chilling in the quinjet as Daisy played with her new watch, trying not to look anywhere in the plane, knowing it would just cause her to have a panic attack. The watch was letting her know that she was at 72 bpm. Still low, but not 65 like she’d been trained to maintain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her SI phone buzzed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Steve Rogers</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve:</b>
  <span> This is Daisy, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> Yessir</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve:</b>
  <span> I got a lead on the skull guy</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve:</b>
  <span> I would stop by north Manhattan in the jet.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve:</b>
  <span> Apparently there have been sightings of him there. He’s almost an urban legend.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Skynet:</b>
  <span> Great thx</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Steve rogers -&gt; Cap’n crunch</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Bucky. We have to stop by manhattan. Steve got a lead on the skull guy, apparently he usually hangs around there.” Daisy told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And a late lunch?” Bucky asked her. She checked her watch, noticing it was already 2. Skipping meals was normal for her; she’d forgotten that normally a person would be really hungry after 4 hours with no food. She was just so used to the feeling of starvation and emptiness that she never remembered when meals were supposed to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool,” he walked to the cockpit and adjusted the autopilot accordingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long?” she asked, beginning to unwrap her cast, satisfied at how much the bruises had faded from the pills.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thirty minutes, at most.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat back down and they chilled together in a warm silence for a little bit. After getting bored of messing around with her watch, Daisy decided it was a good time to ask Bucky some questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know who Dr. Strange is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are his powers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky seemed to consider this for a moment. “A lot. He’s master of the mystic arts, so, like, portals? And he can track people and their movements and thoughts. Oh, and telekinesis and multiverse traveling and shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is a lot.” She raised her eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. People take advantage of it for pranks and stuff. He can help them do stuff that would be pretty hard normally.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy smiled, remembering May and Hunter and Fitz’s love for pranks. “Example?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, one time, Sam corraled him into getting him into the common room invisibly during game night. He did small, stupid shit like replacing people’s controllers with eggs and stuff, but it was still pretty funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “Yeah. Most of the stories I hear about pranks and stuff gone wrong involve Sam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha, yeah, I’m not surprised. He’s the root of a lot of non-villainy problems. He set the gym on fire last week by accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy laughed. “How?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky shrugged. “I dunno. He never said. Well, no- he said it was because he took of his shirt and the room couldn’t handle the heat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes. “He seems really fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is. And he always has your back,” he added. “He’s one of the people I trust the most.” He frowned. “Probably not a good idea, but...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. She used to have a few people like that. “Yeah. I get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are here,” Jarvis notified them through the plane’s speakers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, thanks.” Bucky stood up and stretched a little. “I’m feeling sushi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She shrugged, knowing that whatever they grabbed would absolutely not be going in her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The quinjet cloaked itself and landed in an empty parking lot near the area Steve had sent them to. They disembarked; Daisy with her beanie and sunglasses covering her face, and Bucky with a plain cap and his hair in a messy bun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked around for a little while before finding a Japanese restaurant, tucked away in an area with little shops and souvenir stores.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what’s the plan?” Bucky asked, after they’d sat down facing a window and had been given drinks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Walk around, talk to locals. Get some intel on the guy. Apparently he’s hit quite a few people over here, according to Steve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky groaned. “We never thought to look further than downtown. Alright, it’s a plan. What do you want to eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy sucked in a deep breath. “I’m not eating right now.” She played with the soy sauce bottle on the table while avoiding his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. We haven’t eaten in hours. Aren’t you inhuman?” His voice dropped a few levels in volume on the word inhuman. “According to the news and articles and interviews, they eat a lot. Like, twice as much as a normal person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pretended to be interested in a tourist passing by as she considered what to say. “I haven’t been feeling well lately. It might just be withdrawal symptoms from<em> Hive</em>- The inhuman that controlled me before I left.” She cringed while forcing out his name. Talking about him still made her feel nauseous and icky and empty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her for a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me that last time I asked? You spinned some story about food not tasting the same after you left SHIELD.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged, and he sighed. “Can you at least get tea, or something? To keep from you starving yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Too late.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” She shot him a smile that they both knew didn’t reach her eyes. She absentmindedly flipped through the menu as they sat in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask a personal question?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you send a gift to Melinda if you said you wanted to forget about your past life? Start over?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked at him, realizing she didn’t know the answer herself. “Starting now,” she answered lamely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why did she? </span>
  <em>
    <span>That was so stupid? Wasn’t I trying to move on?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” He responded simply, and Daisy sighed inwardly, thankful that he didn’t pry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After lunch and tea, which she had only a couple of sips of, they walked in silence through the city, stopping at a couple of fire stations to ask questions. They all reported that unusual fires all seemed to originate in a small area, so Daisy and Bucky headed there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing obvious happened for a few blocks, until they found a kid working on a mural on an abandoned building. Daisy stopped and pulled at Bucky’s sleeve. “Hey, look.” </span>
  <span>The mural was mostly a gigantic skull on fire surrounded by crosses. “Skull guy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky nodded and walked up to the teen. “Whatcha got there?” he asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kid stopped spray painting for a minute and squinted at the two of them. “Didn’t you hear? Word is, he hit again last night. Two dead in the street.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” Daisy asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ghost rider?” He stared at them, as if he expected the name to elicit a reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So that’s his name,” Bucky murmured. </span>
  <span>The graffiti artist sighed. “You must not be from around here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know where we can find him?” She inquired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nobody does. Everybody that sees his face ends up on this wall.” He gestured at all of the crosses. She exchanged a wide eyed glance with Bucky. Those were his </span>
  <em>
    <span>victims</span>
  </em>
  <span>? There had to be at least 20 or 30 Xs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed, and looked at the mural a little more. “Hey, wait,” she pointed to a black car with a front engine that was stenciled onto the side. “That’s the car we saw him in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the car he’s always in when he gets his victims,” the boy informed them. “It can light on fire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They nodded, then walked away slowly. “Maybe we can find a car repair shop or something, ask if that car has been seen around.” She guessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky nodded. “That’s what I figured.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After pulling up a picture of what they both agreed looked a lot like the Ghost Rider’s car, they began asking around. A lot of the locals just shrugged, but one man who was working on a blue car on the side of a street gave them some answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, those chargers are hard to find,” he told them, studying the picture on her SI phone. “Between ‘Fast and Furious’ and 'Dukes of Hazzard’, they wrecked a lot of em.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thinking quickly, Daisy told him, “My boyfriend here wrecked his in a street race,” gesturing at Bucky. To his credit, he caught on quickly and made to look indifferent, if not sheepish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty broken up. Guess he was more attached to it than I thought,” she shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I ain’t seen none around here then, sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pursed her lips and made to leave; Bucky following, when the man said, “Hey, uh, most of those junked movie cars, they’re dumped at El Monte junk and salvage. Your boyfriend can find some scraps there to fix his ride.” </span>
  <span>Daisy grinned inwardly. A lead! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, man,” she told him, bounding off with Bucky in tow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boyfriend?” he questioned, once they were out of earshot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First thing I thought of. I don’t think he’d have believed the charger was mine. I don’t know much about cars, either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I look so </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay</span>
  </em>
  <span>, though,” he muttered, which got her to laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she murmured, searching up El Monte on google maps. Finding it, she set a course on her watch. “Found it. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>.o.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Half an hour later, they found themselves at the garage. It was already starting to darken outside, and the large junk area was closed. They made their way through the gate and towards the only building in sight, a small office with a light on inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking around, she found that it was stacks of car bodies and tires taller than her and Bucky combined. They loomed over them, almost threatening to fall on top of them. In the encroaching darkness, it almost looked creepy. “C’mon,” Bucky pulled on her. She hadn’t even realized she’d stopped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked ahead for a bit, then noticed a hispanic man locking up the office. “Stay back,” she whispered to Bucky. “He’s more likely to underestimate me by myself.” He nodded, and retreated behind a stack of cars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” Daisy asked, strutting up to him. He closed the garage door and turned to her, wiping his hands on a rag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, the yard’s closing. To sell a junker you can call the number up front.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, I’m not here for that, I uh, sorry. What’s your name?” She added a little innocent giggle to the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Robbie.” He told her flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Robbie,</span>
  </em>
  <span> I am looking for a guy with a sweet black ‘69 charger. Maybe he bought some parts here?” She cocked her head to the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” He held a withering gaze at her. “Doesn’t ring a bell. I only work nights once a week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, well - I’ll come back in the morning. Thank you.” Feeling as if he didn’t know much, she turned to walk away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or,” she heard behind her, “There’s a book of sales you can flip through in the main office. Not really an office, more of a trailer, but I can show you.” She turned around and studied him, trying to see if he was telling the truth. His face remained impassive. She smiled at him. “That would be great, thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She followed him further into the yard, feeling Bucky behind her, watching. She flashed him a thumbs up behind her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they rounded a large white truck, Robbie pointed out the trailer. “That’s it, there.” She walked ahead, not noticing that Robbie’d stopped walking until he said, “So you live around here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She whirled around to face him. He had almost a bemused look on his face. “No, I used to. Just in town for a couple of days to visit old friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Strange place to spend a vacation,” he said, gesturing around him, studying her again with almost a predatory look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes widened a fraction as she realized that something was up. Robbie shook his keys and flipped them in his hand. </span>
  <span>“Not a great neighborhood.” She swallowed, eyeing his hands warily. Something about him seemed familiar, like an aura of sorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quickly advanced on her, looking as if he wanted to pounce, before she reacted and quaked him into an old van. The noise was enough to bring Bucky running.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brought a friend, didn’t you,” Robbie snarled. She quaked him again, but he didn’t collapse like a normal person would when being crunched into a car. He got up, growled, and grabbed a pipe from off the dirty ground. “So,” he sneered, “You’ve got the devil inside you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she could ask what he meant, the pipe was on fire, as were his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the <em>fuck</em>,” Bucky muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ghost Rider?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I’m guessing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before they could figure anything out, Robbie ran towards them at full speed, swinging the pipe back and forth. He was strong and on fire, but as Daisy sidestepped him and planted a kick to his stomach, she could tell he’d never been properly trained to fight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They traded swings at each other, Daisy moving less clunky than him but with less power. Bucky hit him with a right hook before getting the pipe to his back, burning his jacket. Daisy ducked under Robbie’s back and grappled him from behind, getting him to release the flaming pipe, causing a full on fire to erupt, quickly catching on to some of the junk cars. The nightfall was quickly illuminated as beads of sweat rose on Daisy's neck and forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky grabbed the pipe with his metal hand and hit Robbie with it, then swung over him and landed a punch to his jaw before Daisy kicked him as well. Robbie ended up on the ground, spitting blood. “You never should’ve gotten involved,” he growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, serial killers always complain when we try to intervene.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only kill asesinos who deserve it. It’s vengeance, chica.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some of those people were reported to be innocent,” Bucky hissed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They had blood on their hands,” Robbie said with a dry smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Either way. You don’t get to decide who deserves to die,” she snarled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not the one who decides,” he told them, right before his face literally burst into flames, his skin peeling off to reveal the Ghost Rider’s skull. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gah!” She yelled as she quaked him straight into the floor, walking up to him until her hands were right over his chest, burying him into the dirt. She kept it up, ignoring the pain in her hands, watching as the Ghost Rider’s head slowly disappeared back under Robbie’s skin, the fire dissipating under the pressure of her powers. She didn’t stop until it was just plain Robbie underneath her, passed out and limp. She let up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at Bucky, panting. He shook his head in bewilderment. “So, that happened,” he sighed.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>comments are the only thing I can eat without insulin so feed me</p><p>no i'm kidding I'm just being weird</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>*sigh*. It's coming. The angst is coming, you guys.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahahah i'm so sorry about the hiatus. uhhh anxiety and all that. i did not abandon this fic dw. may have abandoned maintaining a normal bg level but that's fine. in hospital earlier today but now I'm home. i was @ borderline DKA but now i'm low and i'm tired. i will probably not remember posting this. idk.</p><p>i'm so tired.</p><p>anyway, enjoy guys. y'alls comments and kudos make my day!</p><p>&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ride back to the tower was awkward, to say the least.</p><p>Daisy and Bucky tied Robbie up in some emergency rope in the quinjet, and then let Steve know to prepare a cell for him.</p><p>“A cell?” Daisy asked. “Where? What, d’you guys have a dungeon under the garage?” </p><p>She earned an unimpressed look from Bucky.</p><p>“Wait, <em> really </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>.o.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently, there <em> was </em> a prison below all of the fancy cars and quinjets. They dropped Robbie off there, letting Jarvis know to let them know when he woke up, then went to sleep; Bucky promising Daisy she could get a crack at finding out who he was and why he was murdering people in the morning.</p><p> </p><p>.o.</p><p> </p><p>After another restless night, Daisy woke up the next day groaning and hissing at the bright light streaming into her room from her window. She opened her SI Phone to see a text from Elena saying the box was dropped off to May’s room anonymously, and she smiled, her dreary morning brightening just a little.</p><p>Stumbling out of bed, weak, she needed a moment before she was able to sit upright; her body’s lack of input and nutrients causing her to feel dizzy and nauseous. She needed to eat something before she’d pass out and reveal herself.</p><p>She made her way carefully down the stairs, trying to avoid collapsing, and entered into the common room where she met Steve, sitting on one of the couches and doodling in a notebook.</p><p>“Whatchya got there?” she asked curiously. He looked up at her in mild surprise, then held up the book so she could see it, revealing a very realistic sketch of Natasha in a movement pose; kicking the air. “Damn. That’s really good,” Daisy complemented genuinely before moving to the kitchen to grab a small apple, careful to keep her hands from shaking too much in front of Steve.</p><p>He smiled at her and shrugged humbly. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Have you always liked drawing? Or is that a 2020 thing that you learned after being stuck in the ice?”</p><p>“Since I was a little kid,” Steve responded. “Buck saved up all year and gave me a sketchbook and a box of brand new colored pencils for my eleventh birthday. The first thing I drew was him.”</p><p>Daisy grinned at the adorableness of his story as she cringed internally at the bland taste of the apple. Though she hated herself for it, she was already feeling better as the spots in her eyes began to fade.</p><p>“MISS DAISY!” erupted a cheerful, booming voice from the direction of the elevator. Daisy blinked in alarm before realizing it was Thor, Jane, and Tony entering the commons, and relaxed. “I have yet to congratulate you for your victory on the computer.”</p><p>“Compu- oh, you mean Smash Bros. Thanks, dude.” she grinned, the smile not exactly reaching her eyes. Thor responded in kind and continued moving across the room, following Jane, his legendary hammer attracting Daisy’s mild interest.</p><p>“You get the package delivered?” Tony asked as he walked up and leaned on the kitchen island next to her. She nodded, crunching another bite out of the red fruit. He grinned. “Glad to hear it. I hope she likes it.”</p><p>“She does,” Daisy answered confidently.</p><p>“Daisy.” Bucky’s voice attracted her attention as he entered the commons. “Robbie’s awake. You ready to go interrogate him?”</p><p>She nodded. “Sure.”</p><p>Bucky gave Steve a quick kiss, grabbed a banana from the island, and followed Daisy to the elevators where he hit one of the lowest floor buttons. They were silent as they descended the full twenty-something levels until the doors opened to a long, dark hallway with a bright ‘Ding!’</p><p>Daisy followed Bucky down the hallway with stone walls until they came to one of many steel doors. He opened it for her and she entered first, seeing the cell. It was oddly reminiscent of Vault D from the Playground base, reminding her of the day she'd revealed her powers, before shooting herself with an icer. The boxy room was split in half: one side for them and, behind a wall of glass tinted with something electronic, one side for the prisoner. Daisy tried not to think about what side she’d be on if SHIELD found her.</p><p>“Robbie Reyes,” she read off of the tablet Bucky handed her. “You’re in trouble.” She looked through the glass pane at the dude that had turned into a flaming skull just a day before. </p><p>Now he didn’t look as mysterious. He was leaning against the wall, sitting down, his legs spread and his arms clasped together. His face… he almost looked nervous, but not for himself. Daisy got the feeling that he didn’t care what happened to him.</p><p>But then who was he scared for?</p><p>“Who are you, Robbie? What made you become a serial killer?” Daisy asked. Receiving no response, she sighed.</p><p>“She asked a <em> question </em> ,” Bucky growled from behind her, startling her slightly. He sounded <em> scary </em>when he wasn’t being all friendly. He sounded like…</p><p>“The Winter Soldier.” Robbie said. “I saw your trial in the news.”</p><p>Daisy felt Bucky shift behind her; his breathing becoming a little strained. “It was two years ago. Were you the Ghost Rider back then?”</p><p>Robbie turned to meet Daisy’s eyes. “No.” </p><p>“So you’re inhuman?” Daisy asked.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>She let out a huff. “Sure. Then what are you?”</p><p>Robbie turned to look at her directly. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”</p><p>Daisy snorted. She was not feeling well enough to deal with dodgy answers to questions today. “Try me.”</p><p>“What I am… I sold my soul to the devil.”</p><p>Daisy stared at him for a moment, then turned to Bucky. “I think he’s insane.”</p><p>“Wait- wait, listen, don’t leave.” Robbie sighed. “You can’t keep me locked up in here today. I have to go now,” He said urgently.</p><p>Daisy whirled back around. “Where? A hair salon appointment? After you murdered people left and right, you’re saying we can’t lock you up? This is what you deserve,” she hissed.</p><p>Robbie glared at her. “Look, I can either leave the easy way or the hard way. The hard way ends with some heads burned off.”</p><p>Daisy rolled her eyes. “Tough. You can’t get out of there, it’s artificially intelligent to restrict any power. Even your fiery… skull persona.” Bucky snorted behind her.</p><p>They watched as Robbie’s face contorted into a snarl. His eyes began to glow and reflect a deep orange fire before seeming to plateau in heat before calming down into simple embers in his brown irises. His angry expression melted away to confusion. “What-”</p><p>“I told you. You’re powerless,” Daisy responded, unable to hide some of the smugness seeping into her voice. After nearly getting beat up by this guy it was nice to see him locked up, stripped of his powers that had hurt so many people. “You’re not getting out any time soon.”</p><p>A chilly hand gripped her spine as she realized that’s exactly what she deserved; what SHIELD and the new director were going to do. </p><p>Robbie studied her with hate (figuratively) burning in his eyes before dropping his head and growling. “Fine. I- I’ll explain, but I need him to leave.” Robbie jutted his chin out at Bucky, who scoffed. “No way-”</p><p>“<em> Bucky </em>.” Daisy side eyed him. If him leaving was going to get the Ghost Rider to talk, then that’s what would happen. She wanted information. Now that she’d been dragged into this, she was going to finish it.</p><p>Bucky gaped at her, then sighed, already knowing how stubborn she could be. “I’ll be right outside,” he murmured, brushing by her and out the door into the hallway.</p><p>“Okay, what?” Daisy asked. “Why’d you need him out?”</p><p>“I don’t trust him,” he said simply. “When we were fighting, I- <em>he</em> saw into your soul. The Ghost Rider. I know I can trust you.”</p><p>Daisy shook her head. “You don’t know anything. But sure, spill.”</p><p>Robbie popped his neck with a slight wince before meeting her eyes. “I said I have to leave. It’s true. I-” he paused. “You know I’ve got a brother, I’m guessing?”</p><p>Daisy nodded, having read his file already earlier that morning. “Yeah.”</p><p>“We live alone, him and I. He’s in a wheelchair after an accident. I need to drive him home from school.”</p><p>Daisy rubbed her forehead with her fingers and stifled a humorless laugh. “Yeah, okay. The psychotic vigilante with a flaming skull who <em> ‘sold his soul to the devil’ </em> has to pick his brother up from <em> school. </em>” </p><p>“Yeah.” Daisy looked up at Robbie, surprised to see his face set. He appeared to be serious.</p><p>“Okay, I’ll bite. What happens if you aren’t there?” </p><p>“I told you; he’s paralyzed. I’m his only way home. He could get hurt, or stranded…” Now he sounded genuinely worried. “Please.”</p><p>“Does he know his brother’s a murderer?”</p><p>“I'm not- No, he has no idea.”</p><p>Daisy pursed her lips at him. “Okay. Listen. If you’re truly worried about him, which is, um, okay, unexpected. If you maybe give us some explanation as to where you got your-” she gestured around her head- “Skull powers there, and maybe a reason for your rampant killings, I’ll consider sending someone to pick him up. They’ll get him home safely. But only for information.”</p><p>She expected him to refute it; to say that it had to be <em> him </em>, but Robbie just nodded. “Okay. Fine.”</p><p>She blinked at him, then nodded. “Okay.”</p><p>They stared at each other for a solid minute before Daisy nodded and plopped down heavily in the only chair in her side of the room. “Let’s talk.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i shall sleep now. i was like fine an hour ago but uh. now i dropped so i had to eat like five bowls of ice cream which sounds fun until it's not optional lols. I'll be fine tomorrow don't worry. Byeeeeee !!! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hey, guys. It's been a while.</p><p>For everybody that's been here from the beginning and for the people that just read this, I want to say thank you for your encouragement. I'm really grateful to y'all for appreciating this fic and enjoying it. I'm also sorry, because this is it.</p><p>I'm never updating this again for a multitude of reasons: I lost interest in the story and one of the main premises of this fic, the anorexia nervosa, is becoming increasingly hard for me to write without becoming triggered. I'm really sorry to all of y'all who have been patiently waiting for an update.</p><p>But! I do have a collection of snippets from later parts in the story that I had prewritten. I'll be posting them below with some contextual details, and I hope you'll enjoy them. </p><p>Thanks for the ride, guys. It's been fun.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <strong>The outline for a little bit of context-</strong>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 16:</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Hanging out with Gabe, picking him up from school and talking about Robbie. Learns Robbie isn't all that bad. Goes back to Robbie, gets full story, and sets him free (against bucky's judgement.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 17:</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Panic attack from... something, cutting, seeing hive as she bleeds out on the floor, passes out as she thinks she sees May. (She actually saw May. It's revealed that Dr. Strange called her and that May knows where she is, but won't reveal it to the others.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 18:</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Domestic fluff, christmas, Daisy sends one of Steve’s drawings of Lola to Coulson</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy gets a cat named skye and a new l</span>
  <span>aptop from Bucky</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 19:</strong>
</p><p><span>Finds out what’s going on to make chapter 20 happen, something urgent- Dimensions collapsing in on each other bc of lucy bauer or smth so they need a machine that Lucy and Robbie's uncle made that stops the dimension collision. </span>Bucky finds out she's anorexic.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 20:</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Going on some mission with rob and getting shot by shield</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having a panic attack when seeing Mack </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gets shot</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hug by may </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mace announces her as a terrorist</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>this was the end of the outline</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <span class="u">Okay- now for the snippets- I'm not posting a lot of them but these are a few.</span>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>The hallways of the factory were cramped and cold, and Daisy bit her lip every so often to keep from crying out from the throbbing pain in her arms. She held her hands up at the ready while Robbie followed close behind, his footsteps being way too loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you be quieter?” she snapped, on edge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Margarita</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I’m not some super stealthy ninja, alright? Lay off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy sighed and continued down the dark hallway, the balls of her feet padding softly on the tiled floor. It was mostly silent except for the AC on, running loudly throughout the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked back at him quickly before resuming to search the corridor in front of her. “I hope this gives us some answers on how to close the rift.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s Gabe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Robbie didn’t divulge any more information after that, so Daisy didn’t pursue the topic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They searched room after room, never finding what they were looking for. “Are you sure the thingy is here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely. It can’t be anywhere else. This is the only factory with the resources to hold it; plus. Crazy people. Closed down factory. Does that not scream illegal device to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Fair. Okay.” She huffed a little in the chilly air, rubbing at her freezing nose with the hand not in a cast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. I just really feel like something is going to go wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always feel like that, Margarita. My life is the definition of Murphy’s Law.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy whirled around and looked at him. “Is that a science joke?” she asked him, ready to tease him for being a nerd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a theory. Basically, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned and continued to make her way down the hallway, kicking doors open to empty rooms. “Pretty pessimistic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess. Applies to my life no matter how many ways you spin it, optimistic or pessimistic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got a brother. Better paralyzed than dead, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, if only he thought the same way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both quieted, sombered at the sad note their conversation had taken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few doors later, they found themselves in a large, round, room with a cylindrical 20 foot or so looming device in the center covered in tubes and sheets of metal and glass. It was surrounded by desks with monitors and notebooks and wires snaking in between chairs and computers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it?” she whispered despite knowing there was really no need to be quiet at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robbie confirmed with a nod of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Big.” she commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really.” he responded dryly with a smirk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy grinned at him over her underlying dread. “I’m funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno if that counts as humor, but alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>smiled</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Daisy insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little. C’mon, we gotta grab the schematics for Tony to help build the machine to seal the rift.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy followed Robbie down the steps and into the large expanse, muttering about his sense of humor. She pulled out her new laptop and plugged it into one of the larger monitors closer to the device, assuming it was a more important computer because of its size and proximity to the large computer. As soon as she had access to the mainframe she whistled at the complicated firewalls popping up. “This is heavily guarded.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not surprised.” Robbie said from across the room. He was rapidly clicking through all of the desktops in the room, seeing if he would find any useful info on how the rift was created in the first place. “This computer unlocker thing is useful. I like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very,” she agreed. “But you’re giving it back. It’s the only one I could get from my contacts in The Rising Tide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hiding it from me, I see. Afraid I’ll snoop on your laptop?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “It wouldn’t be able to access my laptop. I’m better than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Margarita</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I seem to recall you locking yourself out of it last week and using this to get in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pfft, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” She shot him a mock incredulous look despite remembering the exact moment of embarrassment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I’m talkin’ about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy simply hummed noncommittally in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Working with Robbie and slipping back into their playful banter felt a lot more free than she’d felt in a while. No judgement. No morbid history that kept them tiptoeing around each other. They could just shoot insults back and forth without flinching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! Here. Schematics. I’m sure Stark will look at them when we get back.” She called to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He maneuvered over to her. “Alright. Download it on the hard drive and then destroy the rest. We can’t let anyone else get their hands on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm…. Done. It’ll all be wiped in a minute or so.” She popped up and slipped the laptop and hard drive back into her backpack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” She nodded and smiled at him. He reciprocated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they turned around to leave the way they came, they both dropped their grins immediately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Director Mace, along with 6 other SHIELD agents in full tactical gear, came spilling in through the doorway.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Holy fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“See? Murphy’s law.” Robbie muttered under his breath, and Daisy could tell through his glowing eyes that he was preparing to pull out The Rider. She placed her hand on his arm; a signal for him to hold off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was SHIELD. She didn’t fully trust them under Mace, but they still weren’t bad people. She didn’t want them dying if she couldn’t help it. Robbie’s tense arm relaxed a little under her touch and he shot her a quizzical look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reign in your buddy there, Daisy.” Mace stood there with a smug grin. “We’ve been looking for you for six months, you know. Found you. The infamous Quake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Coulson and May have known where I’ve been for two months. Elena’s known since the beginning. Don’t look so goddamn smug,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Daisy wanted to shout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead she gave him a cool glare. “Good for you. We’ll be leaving now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry?” She raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. You’re a fugitive. You’ve been enacting your own justice on the Watchdogs. You’re a vigilante. Vigilantes are illegal.” He said, as if he were explaining it to a little kid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never</span>
  <em>
    <span> killed</span>
  </em>
  <span> anyone-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but Ghost Rider here has. And you’re obviously conspiring together on something. What information did you just wipe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy began to grow extremely frustrated. “It doesn’t matter. We don’t have time for this,” She hissed. “This dimension and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No lies.” His smug grin never faltered. “Maybe not. It doesn’t matter anymore. We’re taking you both in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It happened too fast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy pulled Robbie in and told him to run the other way. “I can survive it. I have friends in SHIELD, in case I get-” she swallowed. “Captured. You don’t. Get the info to Bucky and Tony.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I have nothing to lose. You do,</span>
  </em>
  <span> She said in her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitated for a split second before realizing that was the best option without killing all of the agents. He nodded. “On your cue. Good luck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The agents had begun to shift nervously while they were talking, no doubt having heard about Quake, the legendary disaster of a human being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at them, all teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi. I’m Daisy. You pissed me off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Time to show them some new tricks.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy blasted the closest agent to her through the wall. The next agent began vibrating so hard he vomited and passed out. The third immediately froze up. Literally. Daisy used the trick Banner had taught her and caused his molecules to condense, lose temperature, and freeze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had consequently knocked them all out. She then rattled all of their guns apart. During the commotion, Robbie had thankfully burned through the back wall and escaped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mace yelled for two of the remaining three agents to run after The Ghost Rider.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid decision,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thought with a smirk.</span>
  <em>
    <span> I can take you two on easily.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy lunged forward to incapacitate Mace right before she felt a cold grip on her arm stop her in her tracks. She barely had time to register that it was a little girl, no more than 12 or so, before she was hit with the onslaught of memories and collapsed, sending out large quakes..</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What are you doing, this is crazy,” she pleaded. She swore she could hear Lincoln smile. “This is my purpose.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks as he-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She was crying, dying. She vaguely heard Mace barking orders to new agents to subdue her-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The mountain crumbled as Daisy felt the vibrations rock her body; unlocking something deep that she hadn’t known was there. Power. She smiled at Jiaying as-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone’s hands were on her but they burned, oh, they burned, and she quaked them away as hard as she possibly could-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And she was with Fitz, watching his cold, still body in the cryochamber, holding back tears as he flatlined again-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And she couldn’t breathe, her ears were ringing, someone was talking- No, yelling. A woman. She liked that voice. She tried to focus on it while seeing nothing before slipping on her anchor and falling-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She sat, unseeing, after Trip’s death. She knew she was a monster now, no one could know-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daisy, Please!” The woman shouted. She had to have been quaking- something- gravel falling on her- in the darkness she could see a shaky hand ready to push a syringe into her arm and it couldn’t- NO- she couldn’t- She hit the person with a sharp quake and heard outrages of pain and-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sister Mackenzie was hitting her again, for wanting an extra cookie- slowly her face morphed into Don Jacobs, the man that had hurt her for so long- he had a knife to Coulson’s throat now- May was dead, smoke filled the air- Daisy pushed towards Mack and Yoyo- It was Lincoln in the quinjet with Hive, but this time it was Natasha instead-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It had to stop, she had to make it stop-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you were dead, they wouldn’t be in pain, Bucky sneered as he turned into Ward, kissing her but going too far- She was yelling no-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>If I was dead-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No- </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Pain-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Make it stop-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>With her last coherent thought, Daisy turned all of the gigantic earthquakes erupting from her body and turned it in on herself- She’d never felt so much pain- She writhed in agony as she couldn’t breathe from the vibrations wracking her lungs-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Going to die-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Good-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s what you want-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>No one will miss you-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>All you do is hurt-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“PLEASE!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Next chapter:</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pain.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Swimming.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Blurry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pain.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cold.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Small.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Quiet.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dark.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>.o.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. No.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t be back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please let me be dead.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just let me die.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>.o. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>She woke up… fuzzy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything was very fuzzy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squinted at the bright light shining on her, and tried to complete a coherent thought in her brain, failing miserably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone was touching her, and hot tears were rolling down her cheeks, because there was </span>
  <em>
    <span>pain.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>An oxygen mask was placed over her lips as she gave a soft, hoarse cry of alarm and arched her back sharply.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just let me die.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>.o.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>This time, she was propped up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She vaguely remembered being awake before, but she couldn’t remember what’d happened. She laid there, lazily taking in the stone ceiling and dark green trim of the room, before shooting up in alarm, realizing she was in the med bay at SHIELD. The quick motion caused her to gasp from the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. I need to get out.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat there, trying to control her breaths, when she realized her watch had broken and she’d left it with Tony. The avengers couldn’t track her and rescue her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her wrists, waist, upper chest and thighs had bandages and braces on them. Carefully, she pried the plastic oxygen mask off her mouth and immediately regretted it, taking in shallow breaths of musty air as opposed to the sharp cool air coming from the mask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She groaned as she took in her body under a white shirt and leggings. It was peppered in bruises, but the pain was minimal. She figured she was on some heavy medication.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What even </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She racked her sluggish brain, trying to piece thoughts together as she remembered Robbie, then Mace, then the girl-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy took in a deep breath and coughed, rattling her thin chest. The girl must’ve been inhuman, with powers like Charles. She’d touched her… and then Daisy must’ve hallucinated. She saw some of her worst fears and memories.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to keep her shallow breathing under control as she suppressed everything she’d seen before she’d blacked out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She studied her arms again, realizing that she must’ve turned her powers in on herself to stop the hallucinations. She remembered wanting to stop them in any way possible, and then had decided that dying was the easiest way. So she’d quaked her own body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was most likely not dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she also wasn’t hungry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in six months, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t hungry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn it,” she muttered, noticing the IV stuck and taped into her elbow. She ripped it out, welcoming the sharp tingle. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They ruined it.</span>
  </em>
  <span> They were softening her punishment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself, resolving to get out as soon as possible, if only so that she could go back to starving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, and to save the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She quietly began removing the monitoring wires off of her while taking stock of the room. It was the usual med bay, though a little blurry. There was nobody in the room, nor in the hallway outside. The lights were dimmed, so she guessed people were sleeping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Judging by that, she realized she must’ve been asleep for at least 5 hours. She needed to get back to the tower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She slipped out of her bed, arranging her pillow so that without a second glance it would look like her under the covers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped onto the cold stone floor with her bare feet and softly padded over, awkwardly and painfully because of her injuries, to the closed door. As expected, it was locked. Daisy huffed and aimed a tiny quake at it, rattling the lock off of the doorknob and catching it in her hand before it hit the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her wrists complained at the use of her powers so soon after almost killing herself with them. She ignored the aching and silently slipped into the hallway. It was empty and dark. She recognized the area as the playground, and breathed a sigh of relief. She knew her way around the base. She could get out easily. Hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her gratefulness for the familiarity also came with waves of nausea and sorrow. One of the reasons she didn’t want to go back to SHIELD violently pushed itself to the front of her mind. Everything reminded her of what she’d done. She saw Lincoln, chatting with Elena, over by the labs. She saw May, comforting her even after she’d killed Trip, bringing her tea in one of the communal kitchens. She saw herself, being led down the hallway from one of the hanger doors, and being told, “Welcome home, Agent Johnson,” even when she didn’t deserve the title ‘Agent’ or the word ‘home’ anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she passed all these places, she tried to push down the tears threatening to spill as thoughts of her family began to crowd her already cloudy mind. She was sure that, had it not been for the pain meds suppressing strong feelings and pain, she would’ve been sobbing into the floor, falling apart and maybe even harming herself so that the pain would lessen. As it was, she was barely holding herself together. She stumbled a little, still feeling the effects of her weight on her skinny and now fragile legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to plan a way out of The Playground. The hangar doors would likely be closed, but if she could trick the doors into letting her in, she could hotwire a van and get out that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even then, she was in </span>
  <em>
    <span>New Mexico</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would take her days, even weeks, to get to New York without a quinjet. She could always ask for a phone to call Bucky, but she didn’t know his number, She didn’t know any useful numbers; only May’s and Coulson’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy felt a slight pain in her gut, knowing that she was likely merely 50 feet away from any one of her old teammates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried not to drown in despair at her situation, and kept moving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arriving at hangar door C, she was wary. Likely, testing her handprint would cause a silent alarm, and Mace and his agents would grab her right away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood there for a moment, the muted yellow of the large doors swimming in front of her. If she weren’t on pain meds, her head could be clear and she could easily figure out how to trick the doors into opening, but she couldn’t. Woozily, she wondered if it would be worth it to cut herself with something in the lab, to sharpen her mind. The thought made her smile: everything being crystal clear, escaping with the pain and the cold night air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed, debating. Going back to the labs could risk getting caught, but staying here wouldn’t solve any-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daisy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy stood there, facing the doors, then slowly turned around, facing the only person likely to be up at this ungodly hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Fitz,” she tried to say casually, hiding the terror in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because she was scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scared of rejection; scared of blame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fitz’s eyes were wide as he stared at her. She knew she must’ve looked like hell. Her cheeks and eyes were still sunken from hunger and the bruises had made their way up to her jaw, judging by the throbbing there. Her hair was still cut short, and the clothes they’d given her draped themselves heavily over her skinny body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um. Uh. What- what are you- you should be-” he stammered, vaguely gesturing behind him at the direction of the medbay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m leaving,” Daisy told him shortly, hoping that he would just let her go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh- well- you can’t.” He looked down at her feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy wanted to scream. “Why not?” she inquired, fuzzily trying to think of a way to knock him out without hurting him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because we care about you,” he insisted, looking back up at her. “We can help whatever it is you’re going through. You don’t need to live on the streets anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him blankly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>May must’ve not told anybody I was with the Avengers but Coulson</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she realized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she stated, backing up a little, weakly. He stared at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine? Jemma checked you, Daisy-” his voice broke. “You shouldn’t even be walking. You’re severely malnourished, and you broke and fractured 16 bones in your body. On </span>
  <em>
    <span>purpose</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’ve also got scars of </span>
  <em>
    <span>self harm</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Daisy, and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My bones are </span>
  <em>
    <span>broken</span>
  </em>
  <span> because some inhuman kid was forced to touch me and make me relive my worst memories by Mace,” she hissed. Judging by Fitz’s face he hadn’t known that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What inhuman? And why would Mace- are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not the perfect director you seem to think he is,” she sneered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that,” he insisted. Daisy rolled her eyes, tired and frustrated and terrified and depressed, and made to quake Fitz so she could escape. She raised her hands up, only to stop when she heard a firm “Daisy!” from behind Fitz.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>May stepped around the engineer, one hand held up in a placating manner. “Fitz, go back to the lab,” she said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>...</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>That's it. That's all I've got. Have an amazing day lovelies &lt;3</p>
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